


Unintentional Journey

by Willbakefordean



Series: Unintentional Journey [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Bottom Dean, Destiel - Freeform, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Smut, F/M, Graphic Labor and Delivery, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Male Lactation, Mpreg, Pregnant Dean, Top Castiel, discussions but not actual abortion, graphic birth, made up medical shit, rating and tags will update as story progresses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-07
Updated: 2016-01-05
Packaged: 2018-04-25 05:52:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 67,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4949086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Willbakefordean/pseuds/Willbakefordean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The darkness is gone, Dean and Cas have been together for a few years and married for one. Dean and Cas live  in the bunker with Sam. Dean is not feeling well and he doesn't know why. The answer may just be too much for him. It's a journey Dean never intended to take, and may not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sick and Tired

**Author's Note:**

> I have only ever written Cas and Dean in complete AUs. I love mpreg, and have always wondered how I would write Cas and Dean if they were closer to their real characters with all of their baggage, but I needed them to have some family, so I unkilled many characters. Let's not kid ourselves, though, this is about Dean and Cas and their journey together down an uncharted path. 
> 
> This will be written in short chapters...little spurts as I am inspired...hopefully frequently. I keep getting little scenes that won't leave my brain and are blocking me from finishing Open Door, so I gotta get em out!

Dean was feeling shitty again today. It was happening more and more and it was beginning to freak him out a little. The first few times he thought maybe he had a virus that wouldn’t let go, but each time it came back his mind spun horrible visions of cancer, yeah, total body cancer and he probably had it. Cas had been so concerned at first that Dean began to hide it when it returned. Now here he was, shower running to cover him puking up his guts again. He knew Sam was as concerned as Cas, but neither had the balls to confront Dean on the fact that he had not eaten much in at least a week this time. He flushed the toilet after his final shuddering retch and stepped into the shower. He lost his balance when the room spun and he felt himself fall.

When the world began to come back into focus, he heard sounds, Cas maybe and Sam. Yes…Cas , near hysterical and Sam was trying to sound calm but his voice had a nervous edge to it. His eyes flickered open and Cas…worried blue eyes wet with tears met his. Shit, he must have passed out in the shower. He reached up for Cas’ face and Cas grabbed his hand to press it to his cheek.

“Dean, sweetheart? You fainted…are you alright? Have you been sick again? Please don’t lie to me…I’m really worried,” Cas spoke tearfully, leaning into Dean’s touch on his cheek.

Sam wasn’t so kind, “Jesus Christ, Dean! You are so lucky you broke your fall by grabbing the shower curtain. We’ve had enough of this bullshit, you can’t keep hiding from us. There is something wrong and we are taking you to the ER today, no arguing!”

Dean was too tired and sick to argue. Fuck it, he’d let them take him. His husband and his brother had clearly reached their limit. Apparently, so had he, so he nodded to Sam and Cas. They both sighed and helped a very naked and wet Dean up off the floor and into his and Cas’ bedroom. Sam told Cas to get Dean dry and dressed and said he would pull the impala around to the front of the bunker. He hoped to hell he would at least get an answer. No matter how bad it was it was better than not knowing.


	2. 20 Questions, and Not the Fun Kind!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Sam get Dean to the emergency room. The doctor heads in a direction that shocks Cas and pisses off Dean. Cas takes control.

Cas spent the trip to the hospital carding his hand through Dean’s sweaty hair as his husband’s head lay in his lap in the back seat of the impala. It was as much coddling as Dean would allow when he was sick. Sam kept glancing back at Cas in the rear view mirror with concerned eyes as if Cas could answer all the questions he had running through his mind. The truth was, Cas was not good at this yet, this being human. True, he had a small amount of grace left and he what he and Dean had was good, better than good, they were great together.  However, he didn’t always know what to do when things weren’t going to plan, he counted on Dean to lead the way and that was backfiring on him right now.

He had fallen for the final time during the darkness, surrendering his angel status almost completely and when they came out on the other side with each other, he and Dean admitted their feelings for each other. That had not been easy for Dean, though gender preference was never an issue for Cas himself. There was a sense of relief when the majority of their friends and family admitted that it was about time Cas and Dean were together. Still, living his feelings was much different than just admitting them. They had come so far, actually going on dates and holding hands, and even exchanging kisses in public. When same sex marriage had become legal in Kansas and Dean had suggested they get married, he almost hadn’t answered from the shock of just being asked. It wasn’t a proposal in the truest sense of the word, more like a ‘hey, now that we can, should we get married?’ kind of a conversation.  He didn’t care; it was Dean admitting he wanted them to be together and dedicated only to one another. Cas was on board, lock, stock and barrel!

Cas snapped out of his thoughts when Sam pulled into the bay of the emergency room and helped get Dean onto his feet. He walked with his arm around his husband while Sam parked the car. The fact that Dean had not complained about Sam driving the impala concerned Cas more than his vomiting. Sam met them as they were getting Dean signed in at the desk.  It was not very crowded and the clerk at the desk seemed to understand the severity of Dean coming in and reassured them that they would be seen soon.

Dean refused to lay down or lean into Cas and sat forward with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands.  Both Sam and Cas received death glares when they tried to rub Dean’s back in a gesture of comfort. After about twenty minutes, which to Cas seemed like an eternity, a nurse came out of automatic doors and called out, “Dean Winchester?” Cas helped Dean up, he was so weak, Dean couldn’t complain about it. Sam patted Dean and looked at Cas, “Keep me posted, I’ll be here.” Cas nodded and ushered Dean through the doors.

Once they were in a room, the nurse was quite sympathetic and gentle as she questioned Dean, “What brings you in today?” She weighed him and patted the gurney, even assisting Dean to climb on and lay onto his side. Dean didn’t answer right away to Cas began, “My husband has been-“ He was cut off by a growl and dagger eyes from Dean who then offered, “Been puking on and off for a few weeks, ‘m tired all the time no matter how much I sleep, pee like crazy even though I don’t drink shit and I ache in my belly. Gotta be somethin’ bad to keep me down like this.” Cas nodded in agreement and the woman seemed to glean as much information from Cas’ nod as she did Dean’s description.  She took his temp and blood pressure, then typed a bunch of info into the computer and then said she would return with the doctor.  Dean began to dry heave and she handed him a masked bag, showing him how to hold it to his face when he vomited. She handed Cas a disposable wipe she had wet in the sink to wipe Dean’s mouth when he was done.

Dean puked a few more times and was puking when the doctor arrived. “You really aren’t feeling well today, are you?” Dean looked up at the doctor like he was an idiot. Laughing at Dean’s look the doctor began to speak and examine Dean. “I’m Dr. Williams and I’m gonna take a look and ask a ton of questions. I need you to answer honestly and then we can get to the bottom of your issue and help you feel a hell of a lot better here, real soon, okay by you?”

Dean nodded and the doctor continued, “You two are married, correct?” Dean nodded again as did Cas. “This is personal, but have you been having unprotected sex and have you been on the receiving end?”

Dean glared, “What the fuck man, that’s…you got a set of balls to be asking…” Cas felt his face redden at the questions, and at Dean’s aggressive answer. He wasn’t sure how this was going to go now. Cas tried to step in, “Doctor, what difference does that make?”

“Mr. Winchester, I am not trying to mind your business, I just want to help your husband. He looks to be hurting pretty bad and I need to have all the pieces to the puzzle before I try to put it together, that’s all.”

Dean found his next wind and piped in, “I still don’t see what-“ The doctor interrupted and turned back to Dean answering his unfinished question. “Mr. Winchester, you have no fever and you are complaining of nausea, vomiting, fatigue, and frequent urination that has been happening off and on for a few weeks. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist-“

“Wait! Are you asking because you think I’m pregnant?  I can’t fucking get pregnant…you didn’t even bother to ask if I’m a carrier, which I am not, by the way.”

The doctor did not change his expression at all, as if he didn’t believe Dean, but kindly said, “I’m sorry. I should have asked you when you had your scan if you had been labeled a carrier.” Dean shifted his eyes from the doctor’s gaze. “You said you’re not a carrier, so when was your physical and scan that let you know your status? I’ll mark it in the records and request a copy be sent here.”

Dean’s became panicky looking, “I didn’t actually have a scan, I don’t think, but I would have known by now.” Cas looked at Dean as the facts began to sink in. He was sure Dean could read he disbelief in his face. 

“Dean, if you haven’t had a scan then you don’t really know and your symptoms are very particular to pregnancy.  Why don’t we do a urine test and at least eliminate the possibility. We can move on from there if you are not pregnant, but I don’t want to start a time consuming and expensive work up on you if it isn’t necessary. Nor do I want to give you tests or medication that have the potential to harm if you are. How about it? One quick pee in a cup and can move on.”

Dean begrudgingly agreed and took the cup, stubbornly insisting that he go to the bathroom by himself.  The doctor and the nurse who had come back with the cup, looked sympathetically at Cas who imagined he looked as pale as he felt.  Dean returned with the cup and handed it to the nurse. He climbed back onto the gurney, clearly spent from his effort and once they were alone, Dean spoke to Cas, “Don’t worry Cas, they are wrong, for fuck’s sake, this whole thing is ridiculous. I can’t believe I agreed to come here. Why don’t we just go.” He began to sit up as if he were going to leave.

Cas could not believe his ears for the second time in ten minutes. He had had enough. He knew he had a smitey look on his face, “Dean Winchester, you keep the ass I raised out of hell on that gurney. We are not going anywhere until we get some answers.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think so far. It feels good but I would like to know what you think...


	3. Dean Can't Handle the Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas get some news...Dean does not take it well. He makes an unfortunate decision.

Dean was surprised when Cas made his squinty, bossy face and told him to lay down. He didn’t argue the few times Cas got that upset and he laid down and let Cas rub his back, not that he needed comforting at all.  While they were waiting for the test results, the same god awful perky nurse came in and started an IV in Dean’s hand. She told them the doctor had just ordered a saline drip because Dean was dehydrated.  Dean didn’t even realize he had fallen asleep until the doctor returned and Cas woke him up. The first thing that popped into Dean’s mind was how much fucking better he felt, like he had slept for a month, not forty-five minutes.  By the way Cas was smiling at him, he must look a shit ton better as well.

The nurse raised the head of the gurney so Dean could half sit up and the doctor began to talk to him and Cas.  “We have the results of your lab test, Mr. Winchester and you are indeed pregnant.”

Dean heard nothing after you are indeed pregnant. How the fuck was he pregnant when he didn’t even know he could be? He laid his head back on the pillow, covering his face with his arm and fucking willing his body not to cry. He felt Cas’ hand on his arm tightening after the initial news. He lost any ground he had made on the feeling good from the second the doctor lowered the boom. He was nauseous again and felt himself falling deeper and deeper into a hole of fear that he didn’t think he could ever get out of on his own. How could he be a dad when the main example he had for a father had fucked him up so badly? Dads were supposed to be loving and supportive, not train you to kill things and fend for yourself and your little brother in shitty motels at the age of eight. Christ fucking almighty…Sam…what would Sam say about this? Dean kept digging himself deeper and deeper into the abysmal hole of misery.

He was trying desperately to keep his shit together when he realized that he had reached rock bottom. It couldn’t get much worse, or so he thought, until Cas’ voice registered as he said, “Dean, don’t worry. You will be a wonderful mother.” Fuck his life, that was enough to send him over the edge.

“I gotta go, I need to get the fuck out of here,” Dean barked as he pulled at the tapes on his hand. “Get this shit off of me…I’m leaving now…right fucking now.”

“Mr. Winchester,  you need to stay and finish this IV and I’d like to keep you in the hospital overnight for more fluids and to be sure you can keep down solid food,” the doctor spoke as Dean began to remove his own IV.

“Fuck no, I am out of here. I feel fine and I have shit to take care of-“

“Dean, let’s stay and make sure everything is okay with the baby. I’ll tell Sam and he can get us in the morning,” Cas pleaded.

Barking Dean turned towards Cas, “Don’t you dare…don’t fucking dare tell anyone about this. I’m not even sure I’m gonna keep it!” The minute it came out of his mouth he knew he shouldn’t have said it. Cas’ face dropped nearly to the floor and it looked like all the blood drained from his upper body as well. Dean was too far gone to do anything about it. “Get this out of my hand or I am gonna rip it out myself, Doc.”

The doctor nodded at the nurse and she quickly removed the IV and taped a gauze square to the back of his hand in an big lump. “You will need to sign some paperwork saying you are leaving against medical advice,” the doctor warned.

Dean got up off the small bed and turned towards the doctor, “Look Doc, you seem like a nice guy, no offense meant to you, but I’m not signing a fucking thing and I am leaving now. Cas, you comin’?”

Dean stormed out of the glass enclosed room and stumbled a little towards the doors he thought he had come through. “Let’s go Sammy,” he shouted across the waiting room. Turning to Cas he growled low, “Not a word, Cas.”  He continued to bitch and command Sam to lead them to the car, telling Sam he was fine and they had done nothing for him. He felt shitty and weak but needed to get into the impala and get the fuck away from this place fast. He knew he couldn’t drive but he sat shotgun, leaving Cas in the backseat alone and Sammy driving. “Bunker, move it, Sam.” He leaned against the window of his baby and closed his eyes. He was vibrating out of his own skin and needed space. The entire ride home was silent but he could feel Cas and Sam trying to communicate with their eyes, just like always.

Dean went right to his and Cas’ room and stripped, he threw on his robe and headed to the showers. He blasted himself with hot water, scrubbing the smell of the hospital from his body. He stormed back to their bedroom, shut and locked the door, and crawled under the covers, naked. Sam and Cas seemed to get that he needed to be alone. It took a while, but he eventually fell asleep. He woke in the night at some point. He felt so much better, except for finality of the news he had gotten earlier. He dressed and threw some things in a duffel, grabbed his spare keys, making his way quietly to the impala. He silently hoped Cas would understand and he hit the open road just as the sun came up.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope my Dean is coming across realistically. I think Dean would want kids, but finding out like this would be a huge hit for him. Maybe he will come around???


	4. Momentarily Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas makes a discovery and an admission...

Cas woke on the couch in the bunker living room with Sam on the other end. His brother in law had been kind enough to stay up with him after Dean had locked him out of their bedroom. It had been a hell of a day for them both, but especially for Dean.  Cas had understood Dean’s shock but he was not prepared for Dean to be so rude to the people at the hospital and to snap at him so quickly. Cas had been embarrassed and hurt at the tone Dean had taken with him and the fact that he wouldn’t even talk to him about the fact that they were having a child together. Of course after what Dean had said, maybe they were not having a child together. 

Sam knew nothing and when he asked Cas about what was wrong with Dean,  he had remained loyal to his husband, “Dean asked me not to say, so it’s not my place to tell you.” Sam gave him the puppy dog eyes so Cas knew he understood the difficult situation in which Cas found himself, though he knew how worried he was for his brother. 

Cas was equally worried for Dean, he clearly had not taken the news well. He rubbed his stiff neck from sleeping on the couch and went to start the coffee. He hoped Dean would wake this morning and having had some space last night, maybe Dean would be in a better place and they could talk .  When the coffee had brewed he fixed two cups and walked to their room expecting to have to knock and convince Dean to let him in. What he found instead nearly stopped his heart for the second time in two days.

The door to their room was open and it looked like someone had rifled through Dean’s clothes. Cas began to panic a little but held out hope until he saw that Dean’s favorite duffel was missing. He put the coffee down on the bedside table and then ran to the bunker’s garage. When he found the impala missing, he knew Dean had left. He went to find Sam. “He’s gone Sam…he left and I don’t know what to do.”

“What? Did you check the showers or the garage?” Sam asked misunderstanding what Cas had meant.

“No, Sam. His favorite duffel is gone and so is the impala. He left me because of what I have done. I am very worried for his safety, for his health,” Cas admitted. He made the decision to explain what had happened yesterday at the hospital.

*****

Sam sat dumfounded at the map table and continued to try to process what Cas had told him.  Dean was pregnant and had not taken the news very well at all. At least his behavior made more sense now, but Cas had told him that Dean had made a comment about not keeping it. He could see how broken hearted Cas was. Cas seemed excited at the prospect of having a child with Dean except for the part where Dean was so livid. Sam had looked at their room and it seemed like Dean had actually left with a bag of clothes. Sam did his best to reassure Cas, but his brother in law was no dummy, he knew what was up if Dean had left without Cas. They both called Dean’s cell several times, but he wasn’t answering, and he had turned off the GPS function. One thing was certain; Dean did not want to be found.

*****

Cas had not slept in the two days since Dean had left without saying where he was going. Sam had been trying all of their friends, with no luck. Dean had simply slipped away. Cas was becoming concerned that he was really gone and was not coming back. He had even tried to contact Gabriel to no avail. He felt helpless and alone when he should have felt happy and fulfilled. Dean and he should be celebrating the fact that they were having a child. Now he was left to face the fact that Dean may have ended that for them both.  It was too much to bear; Cas was almost at his breaking point.

It was late afternoon on day three and Cas was with Sam who was trying to track Dean’s phone calls when they both heard the rumble of the impala. Cas ran to the staircase and took the steps two by two as the heavy door of the bunker scraped open. Cas nearly tackled Dean as Sam made his way up the stairs slowly to give the couple time to greet each other.

“Are you alright, Dean. Do you need to lay down?” Cas asked in a choked voice trying to hold himself together. He assumed in the three days Dean was gone, that he had taken care of the _issue_. His face was buried in Dean’s neck as his husband answered, “I’m fine Cas. I didn’t do anything. I’m still pregnant.”

Cas jerked his head up and was torn between kissing Dean stupider than he already was and kicking his ass. Before he knew what was happening, he raised his hand and slapped Dean right across the face.  The sting of his hand hitting his pregnant husband's scruffy cheek, was too much and he broke down and ran downstairs to their bedroom slamming the door. He heard Sam cry out, “Cas!” He didn’t need to be chastised, he knew what he did was awful, regardless of Dean running off for three days.

What he didn’t hear was Dean defending him, “Don’t Sam, I deserved that and you know it.”

He walked down to their room and knocked before entering, saying, “Cas? Can I come in for a minute?”

Cas sat on the edge of the bed with his back to the door, fists balled in anger at both his own actions and Dean’s. Dean walked around the bed and sat down, leaving a little space between them. “Cas, I owe you an apology. I was wrong, man. I’m sorry I freaked out and left, I love you.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> light at the end of the tunnel...


	5. Two Sides to Every Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas is the one who needs time now and Dean has no choice but to give it to him. Cas won't let Dean down, though, when he really needs him. Sam does his best to help, but the boys have some healing to do...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little longer that the others, but I wanted you to get both perspectives in one chapter. Let's face it the boys have a lot of explaining to do!

Cas nearly gave in when Dean’s voice broke during the _I love you._ He wasn’t crying but it was as close as Dean had been to crying in quite some time around Cas. The guilt over hitting his husband while he was carrying their child would probably never be scrubbed from under his skin. The only thing keeping Cas from wrapping Dean in his arms was the thought niggling in the back of his head; Dean had his cell phone for all three days he was gone and all he had to do was send one text and Cas would have understood his husband’s need for space. Instead, Dean selfishly kept to himself while Cas agonized, wondering if Dean would come back or if he was suffering at some clinic…alone. No, Dean had made his bed and now he would have to lie in it…for a while at least.

“Dean, I love you too, and I am very glad you came home. I am even more happy that you did nothing… rash… while you were away…without me.” Cas spoke in stilted phrases, struggling to say what he desperately needed to in order for his husband to understand his perspective. Suddenly the words just poured out of his mouth, “But three days, Dean and you had your phone. You ignored my texts, Sam’s texts, and left us high and dry without caring about how fucking sick we were…I was, with worry. I don’t understand how you couldn’t just send me one god damn text to let me know you weren’t dead in a ditch or dying from infection in some dirty clinic somewhere. I…I…,” Cas sniffed and wiped his nose on the sleeve of the flannel shirt he was wearing. It belonged to Dean and he had put it on when he discovered he was gone

“Cas…,” Dean said softly as he reached for Cas’ hand. Cas pulled away, sliding over on the bed to keep a space between them.

“No, Dean. It’s not that simple. We promised when we decided to be what we are, then again when we got married, that we wouldn’t shut each other out any more. We let too many years go by, wasted too much time and we promised…you promised. The first major issue we had come our way and you just took off, ignored all that we have built here,” Cas motioned around the room, “…and here,” Cas placed his hand on his heart. He couldn’t look at Dean for fear of completely losing it and climbing into Dean’s lap like he so desperately wanted and needed to do. Dean remained remarkably quiet, giving Cas hope that he realized what he had done to the trust they had built together.

“I understand you were very upset, I was as shocked as you were, and my body will not be affected by the baby, but I didn’t know I could impregnate you. I was both stunned and thrilled in one moment. I thought you might find a glimmer of happiness in that news despite your shock, but you just shut down.“  Cas paused for a moment thinking hard before speaking again, “What I can’t help but question is what I have done or not done that your reaction was to push me away and not draw me in to comfort your fear and apprehension. We are supposed to be a team, Dean and you dismissed me at the hospital and left me without a single word or even a reassurance that you would be back. You had your time Dean… now I am giving you what you did not give me when you took yours. I am telling you that I love you and will not leave you or our child, but I am angry and hurt and I need time to get through it. I’m angry enough that knowing you are carrying my child, I hit you. We aren’t supposed to do that to each other, that is not me. When I have better control of my emotions and feelings, I want you to explain yourself, but for now I am asking for time to process what has happened. I am asking you to respect that request.” Dean nodded, sadly, Cas noted, and with the acknowledgment he left Dean on the bed and went to find a place to be alone for a while.

*****

Sam peeked his head into the library and called out that dinner was ready.  Cas went out of courtesy to Sam who had been so good to him while Dean was missing, not because he was even remotely hungry. Sam had made Cheeseburgers, sweet potato fries and salad and the kitchen table had been set with care, nothing fancy, but purposeful and deliberately familial. Dean sat next to Sam and one place was set across from them for Cas so he took it.

They ate in silence, not in anger, just palpable silent tension until Dean broke it saying, “I just wanted to tell you both again how sorry I am for leaving without explaining myself. Maybe I could do that now, explain myself, so you could forgive me or at least know that I did not do it on purpose.”

Cas’ eyes shot up at that last part, sure he looked as skeptical as he felt. He left the food he had barely touched and walked out of the kitchen leaving Sam and Dean alone.  Cas ignored both of their pleas to stay and eat.

*****

“He is never going to forgive me, Sam, and I know I’ve earned it. I just wish he would listen to me,” Dean said pushing his food around on the plate.

“Give him time, he will come around, Dean,” Sam reassured sympathetically. “I know you were…are upset and probably confused about being pregnant, but you have no idea what he went through when you were gone. He cried all the time, never in front of me, but this place echoes more than just loud sex, Dean. I heard his anguish. I think he really thought you weren’t coming back. He prayed to Gabriel… Gabriel Dean!! Why didn’t you just send him a fucking text, or send me one so I could have told him you were alright?”

“Because, Sam, I am a stupid fucking idiot who panicked, no other good reason… just a fuck up, again,” Dean barked back as he got up and left the table, storming out of the kitchen.

Exasperated, Sam threw three uneaten cheeseburgers in the garbage and wondered how the fuck he was going to get these two jackasses back on track.

*****

Cas startled the next morning in one of the spare rooms as Sam shook him awake. “Wake up, Cas. Dean is sick and I really think he needs you.”

Cas jumped up in the same jeans and flannel he had laid down in the night before. “Where is he, Sam?”

“Shower room, he’s been throwing up a while.” Cas didn’t even wait to hear him finish. He ran to the bathroom and threw open the door to find Dean retching over one of the toilets.

“Dean, I’m here, what do you need me to do?” Cas asked as he dropped to his knees beside his husband.

“Cas…,” Dean nearly whined as he panted and continued to dry heave. His face was red from effort and his eyes were red and running down his cheeks from the strain of being sick. He fisted the flannel shirt pulling Cas closer and Cas soothed him, “It’s alright, Dean. I’m here, shhhh…shhhh, try to relax. Listen to my voice and my breaths and try to slow yours down.” He stroked Dean’s sweaty head and rubbed his back, alternating back and forth while his other hand sought the fist gripping the flannel. “That’s it, Dean, slow it down, that’s it sweetheart…” Cas continued to coo at his husband. Finally Dean turned and Cas wiped his face with the cool wash cloth Sam had handed him. When his face was clean, Dean buried it in the crook of Cas neck and Cas felt him instantly relax against his body. He held his husband and rubbed his back with light circles. He scratched at his scalp, knowing how much Dean loved it and peppered him with kisses and pulled him over to lean on the side of a bathtub. He sat with his legs apart and Dean tightly against his chest.

“Thank you, Cas. I know I don’t deserve it, but thank you anyway,” Dean said between breaths as he struggled to get control of himself. “You don’t have to believe me but I am so sorry. I should have never left without an explanation…never.”

“Hush, Dean…just relax and breathe. You can explain yourself to me when you feel better, just try to feel better first.” They sat there against the tub, Cas rocking Dean ever so slightly against his chest as Dean’s breathing slowed and regulated. He dry heaved a couple of more times, before returning to Cas’ arms. Sam returned at some point with ginger ale and Cas encouraged Dean to take a few sips. When he was sure Dean was not going to vomit again, Cas helped him up and started the shower. He undressed them both and they both moaned a bit when they stepped under the warm spray.

*****

Cas let Dean lean on him as he gingerly washed Dean’s hair and rinsed it before pouring a handful of body wash and soaping him up all over his body. It was not sensual in any way, simply tender and warm and exactly what Dean needed. He had royally fucked up this time, and yet here was his angel, selflessly giving to him again. He didn’t know how, but he would make it up to Cas. For now he just let his sick and exhausted body enjoy Cas’ attention and care.

Cas leaned Dean against the tiled wall of the shower while he washed his own hair and body. He could tell his husband had been in those same clothes for some time. He had a rumpled look and his face was covered in a heavy stubble. When he was done, Cas sat Dean on the toilet, towels around both their waists, and combed their hair and removed some of their stubble with an electric razor. Dean felt a hundred times better, as if the physical reminders of their days apart were now gone, not counting the baby in his belly and the constant nausea.  

Still silent, Cas walked Dean to their room, Sam came around the corner probably having heard them exit the bathroom. He quickly turned back the way he came, Sam was good at knowing when to intervene and when to leave well enough alone. Dean took credit for teaching him that, not that his behavior the past few days had been any kind of example for Sam in that sense. Cas shut the door behind them and finished drying Dean off before slipping him into boxers and a tee shirt. He pulled back the covers on Dean’s side of the bed and helped him lay down before dressing himself and climbing in on his own side of the bed. Dean didn’t move, not wanting to expect too much more from his already generous husband, he knew he didn’t deserve anything else.

Dean let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding when he felt Cas’ arm snake around his waist and pull them close together. He let Cas spoon him, Dean Winchester was rarely the little spoon, but he let Cas hold him and let himself enjoy it. After a few minutes, Cas whispered in his ear, “Tell me what happened, Dean. Tell me everything…please.” Relief washed over him as he was allowed to tell Cas, to confess his transgressions against this wonderful person who had given up so much to be with Dean.

“I lost it Cas, plain and simple. When that Doc told me I was pregnant, I just went into pure flight mode. How the fuck did I not know I could have kids, Cas. For that matter, how did you not know? You said you rebuilt me from the ground up. Did you not remember zipping in a uterus?” Dean began to process the situation out loud.

“I can assure you that there was not a uterus in your body when I raised you from hell.  I was as shocked as you were, Dean…maybe even more so. I was doing some reading with Sam while you were asleep and we have attributed it to a combination of the mark, the fact that you killed Death and your encounter with the darkness. No specific lore, just an indication of physical changes being possible, sometimes attached to unspoken desires,” Cas nearly whispered the last few words.

Dean turned his face towards Cas, “You’re saying I wanted this?”

Cas shook his head, “No, don’t put words in my mouth Dean. I was implying that the spell and encounters may have read that you wanted a family, and this is how it manifested, nothing more.”

“Am I normal? Will everything be okay? The baby?” Dean asked nervously, blushing as he did.

“We will have to get you to a doctor that specializes in carrier births to monitor the pregnancy, but with what little grace I have left I am able to sense that it is a true physical change, not a temporary spell or anything of that nature. I can’t see the baby like I used to see your soul though, I wish I could,” Cas placed his hand over Dean’s belly when he spoke. “Please go on, Dean.”

“When we got back here, I hardly slept and I really thought I needed to just end the whole thing before it got too far, so I headed out. I wasn’t purposefully leaving you out of it, Cas…I swear. I was just so freaked out that I felt like a monster, one of the things we hunt and I didn’t see anything but finishing it. I drove to the city and camped outside a clinic for carriers until it opened. I signed up to have the procedure but they required a one hour counseling session first. I figured what the fuck one hour then get it done, spend the night in a local motel and come home, all fixed, you know?” Cas moaned low in his throat at the last comment. “I know, Cas. I can imagine now how I would have felt if it were you telling me this story.”

“Anyway I got this decent guy, also a carrier, who had apparently had a similar situation when he was much younger, minus the supernatural shit of course. He talked to me about the whole situation and then he asked me a bunch of questions. He nailed it every time, you know. He hit every fear; not feeling good enough to be a dad, not even knowing if I wanted a family, being afraid of turning into my father, being afraid to bring another life into what I think is a shitty world at times, how I blew it with Lisa even though I loved Ben.  And that doesn’t even cover that the whole world will know which way I swing, and that I’m the catcher, not the pitcher, my fear of turning into a walking chick flick…he was fucking skilled, you know?”

Cas nodded against Dean’s neck and pulled him a little closer as Dean went on. “Then he asked me if I was alone or if I had a partner and I started to tell him about you. Cas, before I knew it three hours had passed and I was happy and smiling. Then he told me that he thought any guy who could make my disposition turn a 180 just by talking about him was probably a good guy to have a family with. He asked me why I was so worried about what other people thought when I had someone I loved and who loved me, and our family and friends were so accepting. He asked why I really cared what my dad did when I had the ability to change and had already made decisions in my life that altered my path from my father’s shadow, like marrying you.  He had to end our session and asked me if I wanted to see him again or just be approved for the procedure. He said I was perfectly sound in my mind to make the choice and damn it all if I couldn’t say approve me for the procedure. I took another appointment for the next day. We met for another three hour and then we met again the next day before he finally made me make a decision. I decided to come home to you, so we could decide together as a team like I promised when we got married. I’m sorry I ever left, Cas and I hope you can forgive me so that we can decide what happens next.”

Cas was quiet so Dean continued, “I know you are upset with me Cas, and you have every right to feel that way. I don’t tell you enough what you mean to me, I know that. I’m not good at this shit, but if I’m gonna be a parent with anyone, I want it to be you. I guess I’m asking what you want, Cas.”

Cas took in what Dean had told him, thinking long and hard before answering. “Thank you for telling me your story, Dean. I am still upset that you couldn’t include me, but I think I understand. I’m sorry that I hit you, I won’t ever do it again.  As far as what I want, I want you and I want our baby. That doesn’t mean that I’m not scared, Dean, because I’m terrified. I have some of your same fears about my ability to be a parent. My own father wasn’t present either, Dean. Sometimes I wonder if I have the capacity to love anyone but you, but when I heard that you were pregnant, I felt love and I felt happy about it. Are you at all happy that we made a child, Dean?”

Cas watched as one tear rolled down Dean’s cheek, “I don’t know if I was happy at first because I was so scared…I still am, but hearing you say our child, I think I could be. Is that enough, Cas?”

Cas turned Dean over to face him and kissed him gently on the mouth. He smiled a huge gummy smile that wrinkled up his nose, “That’ll do Dean…that’ll do.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments fuel the fire and I am open to input as far as what you would like to see happen in future chapters...


	6. What's up Doc?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean work on finding a doctor and Cas works on Dean feeling better...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made an update on ths chapter, I had mistakenly used omega instead of carrier in one spot, sorry...a little fic confusion on my part. In this fic, Dean is not an omega...lol

It was early afternoon when Cas finally left Dean asleep in bed. He had woken up quite some time ago but could not let go of his husband, especially since Dean had willingly let him be the big spoon. He watched Dean’s even breaths and the stress drain from his face as he dozed away. When he found the willpower, Cas got up to find Sam to help him with some research.  By the time Dean woke and came out of their room in his robe, Cas had gone to the store and come back with bags of groceries that were supposed to help with nausea.  

Their greeting in the kitchen was awkward at best, the discomfort of Dean having left and Cas reacting physically to Dean’s return still hung heavily in the air. It was definitely better this afternoon than it was last night, but neither man made the first move to an affectionate greeting. Dean sat at the table next to Sam who was eating a sandwich. Cas poured something into a mug and brought it to Dean. “I got you some peppermint tea, it’s supposed to help your stomach settle.” He set the mug down, with a pat to Dean’s shoulder, not sure where they stood at this moment.  As he was turning away, He felt Dean’s hand cover his and Cas felt his heart melt a little more of the hurt away. He leaned back over and kissed Dean on the top of his head, swearing he felt Dean lean into the kiss. All the while, Sam looked very interested in the sandwich on his plate. Dean drank his tea, very slowly and without complaint, while the three men made simple conversation about everything but what was at the root of the discomfort.

After a reasonable amount of time, Dean excused himself to go take a shower. Sam went off to the library and Cas continued to work on the things he had researched for Dean. He strained the chicken broth for the chicken noodle soup he had been making from a recipe he found online. He was making peanut butter granola bars as well, having read what peanuts and peanut butter could do to reduce nausea as well. He jumped when he felt Dean’s arms snake around his waist. Dean pulled back, “Sorry Cas, I-“

“No, Dean it’s okay,” Cas said reaching for Dean and returning his hug. “You just surprised me is all. Feeling okay after your shower?”

“Yeah, but I think the tea helped a lot,” Dean almost blushed as he spoke. “Thanks, man.”

“You’re welcome Dean, I am making chicken soup and granola bars as well. I read online that if you do not let your stomach get too empty, you may not feel as sick. I printed some information if you would like to read it later,” Cas could help but shift uncomfortably as he approached the subject of the pregnancy even if only through the nausea.

“Sure, babe, sounds great. I guess we have a lot of work to do to get this under control, huh?” Dean answered and even smiled a little, making Cas feel relieved.

Cas laughed back nervously, “I guess we do, Dean.”

Dean’s face got serious and he thought for a bit before saying, “The counselor told me I need to see a doctor soon, and he gave me quite a list of doctors who specialize in …ummm…carriers. I think I’ll leave you to it and go start looking them up to see if I can find one to see, okay?”

“Sure, Dean. Sounds good, I’ve got just a little more to do here and then it just has to simmer,” Cas reassured his husband.

Dean turned and walked towards the door to leave and just as he was gone, he returned with a blush in his cheeks saying, “You could come help if you want…I mean when you finish here and everything.”

Cas couldn’t suppress his smile, “I would like that, Dean. I’ll be right there. Would you like me to bring you anything?”

“Some more of that tea would be nice,” Dean said as he turned back and walked into the wall before hurrying out.

*****

With help from Sam, Dean and Cas looked up all the doctors within driving distance of the bunker and narrowed it by the ones who could deliver at hospitals that specialized in male carrier births, which as luck would have it was in the next town over.  There was a fairly new doctor in town that had great patient reviews from his previous patients and his new ones in town as well. Cas deferred the final decision to Dean stating that he had to be the most comfortable with the choice. They called and made an appointment to meet with Dr. Qalla, Doctor of Obstetrics, Gynecology and Male Carrier Reproduction. After their meeting they would either schedule an exam or head back to the list for their second choice.

It was a long three days until their appointment and Dean was nauseous for all of them. He kept very little down, though Cas used the minimal cooking skills Dean had taught him to work through recipes he found online to keep Dean eating what he could.  The tea helped but Dean was a big guy and how long could he survive on just peppermint tea and broth with a few crackers.

Dean was reserved and quiet, mostly because he did not feel well, but also he occupied his time with research of his own in regards to carrier pregnancy and what the first few appointments entailed for Dean.  He wanted to be sure he was not ignorant of those things so no one could take advantage of him.  Hunting was about being prepared and educated and the only way Dean knew how to approach this pregnancy.  He still found it hard to believe that he had to prepare for this at all, but it was slowly beginning to sink in. Cas was so supportive and sweet about the whole situation and Dean knew his husband was suppressing his happiness at their developing family. He was selfless enough to give Dean the time to digest what he was going through without the added pressure of celebrating quite yet. Dean loved Cas more than ever for that opportunity.

*****

The morning of the appointment, Dean agreed to let Sam drive he and Cas to the appointment. Cas had convinced him that it might be emotional for the two of them and Sam would be a welcome addition if that happened.  They found the small practice and signed in with the receptionist. Cas was pleased with the modern appearance of the office and let Dean choose the seat. There were a few other patients in the waiting room, all pregnant looking, a mix of men and women.

Dean’ leg bounced nervously as two nurses appeared periodically through a door that led to what Cas thought was the exam room area. Eventually one of them called out, “Mr. Winchester?”, causing Dean to jump. Cas offered Dean a hand and felt his husband’s nerves as he took it in his own. Sam nodded to his brother and brother in law, letting them know he would be waiting and a silent good luck. The two men both over six feet tall and looking somewhat out of place followed the nurse through the door.

They were taken to a nice but simple office and waited for the doctor to see them. Dean’s leg bounced nervously again and Cas felt for his husband. “Dean, I’m here…if you need anything.” Dean lifted his eyes and smiled a little, answering, “I know, babe. I’m glad for that…thanks.” Cas just smiled back, and then Dean reached for his hand as the door opened.

A tall, slim doctor, Middle Eastern looking as his name suggested, walked in and greeted them both with a smile. “Mr. and Mr. Winchester, I am Dr. Qalla. It’s very nice to meet you.” He reached out to shake each of their hands and instead of sitting behind his desk, he pulled a chair from across the room to sit on the same side of the desk as the couple. Cas knew he had just made points with both men for that.

“Hey Dr. Qalla…Dean and this is my husband Cas. Nice to meet you, too.” Cas nodded as he shook the man’s hand.

“It’s nice to have parents who take the time to interview me before just coming in for an exam.  It gives me confidence that we will have a good relationship if you choose me to help you start your family. Why don’t you tell me how you came to need my help and what you are looking for from me,” Dr. Qalla told them.

Cas gave Dean a length of time to answer, but when Dean swallowed the third time and then looked to him and nodded, Cas spoke for them, “My husband has not been feeling well for several weeks, nausea and vomiting, fatigue. I finally convinced him to go to the ER and we found out he is pregnant, which came as quite a surprise because we were unaware that Dean was a carrier.”

“Well that must have been quite a shock for you both, but especially for you, Dean,” the doctor looked sincere when he spoke and his eyes were soft when he looked at Dean. “And what do you need from me, Dean? Do you have questions?”

Dean shifted a little under the doctor’s gaze, but Cas could sense that the doctor’s style was already putting Dean at ease. “Yeah, uh…I have a few questions…Look I don’t know if you’re gonna want to work with me. I’m not your typical…patient. Hell I haven’t even been able to look my own husband in the face and tell him I’m happy about it yet.” Dean’s face reddened as he made his admission.

Then the doctor did something that shocked them both. He laughed a loud, hearty belly laugh. “I bet you haven’t.”  Dean looked at him incredulously. “I’m sorry, Dean, Cas. I tend to say what pops into my head.” He looked back at Dean and continued, “You and I look to be the same age and for sure we are the close in height and weight. I can only imagine what you thought when someone dropped that bomb on you. You don’t exactly fit the stereotype of the typical carrier.” Dean seemed to relax a little at the doctor’s genuine words.

“ Let me tell you about myself a little and then maybe you can tell me a little more about yourself. I am not a carrier but I am the older brother of two of them. We grew up where they weren’t even considered people. My parents brought us to the US so they could live without being punished for something that they had no control over. I watched one find a great husband and have two great kids, the other one, not so lucky based on some unfortunate things in his past. I became the kind of doctor I am so that others don’t have to have his experiences and can have a shot at what my other brother has found. I tell it like it is and I ask my patients for the same, that’s all.”

Dean looked at Cas and he nodded his support, so Dean took his hand and threaded their fingers together as he talked, “My husband and I have been good friends for a number of years, but together for three and married for a little more than a year. It took me a long time to let myself love him like he deserves. We’ve talked some about a family but this was not what we thought would happen if it ever did. I…I don’t really know what to think, yet, except I know I’m scared shitless. We live with my brother and we’re good, but I have Daddy issues that are not settled because both he and my mom are gone. I practically raised my brother, but somehow I don’t feel like I know how to be a dad.”

Cas jumped in, “All you have to do is talk to Dean’s younger brother and he will tell you that Dean was a great dad to him, and I have seen Dean with kids over the years and he really connects with them well.”

Dean felt himself blush and looked at Cas, saying, “You’re the one who is good with kids, Cas.” Then he surprised Cas with a chaste kiss right in front of the doctor.

“Well, I have been doing this for a number of years and I’ve seen a lot of couples come through my offices. I can honestly say that I think you two have a profound bond and you are here, together, under less than perfect circumstances. I’d like to be your doctor to help you through to the birth of your child. Do you have any more questions for me?” Dr. Qalla asked.

“I like your style, Doc. You’re a straight shooter and I need that. What do you think, Cas?” Dean looked to his husband.

“I think you need to be comfortable and I like his style, as well. It’s really your decision but I would support this choice,” Cas answered frankly.

Dean held out his hand, “Looks like you’re my doctor…our doctor.” Cas smiled at the addition of the our part.

“Great, let’s move on to the exam then, you look a little dehydrated.” Dean’s mouth dropped as his doctor dropped a bomb of his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha ha Dean, this guy's got your number!


	7. The Nitty Gritty and the Moment of Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean endures being examined, and comes to grips with his circumstances...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare for made up medical shit! I love this stuff, though I tried not to bog the story down with too much of it. I feel like this would be the roughest part for Dean, a little slice of humble pie, if you will. Giving up control of his body and allowing someone other than Cas access. Also, Dean's resistance to the pregnancy is not a rejection of the baby. I believe Dean would love to have a family with Cas. It is just the fact that he has to relinquish control of his body to a certain extent, and give in to the chick flick kind of moments of essentially being the physical mother kind of feelings, you know??? 
> 
> Once he makes up his mind to do something, though, you know Dean...he's all in...fluff will ensue...masculine sorta fluff and stuff...
> 
> Anyway...ask questions, make suggestions...

Dean nearly shouted, “What? No…I mean not today. We just came to meet you and I’m not-“

“You’re not what Dean? Dehydrated…sick constantly…or mentally prepared to give up a little control? How about all of the above?” Dr. Qalla asked with a little snark in his voice, though it was accompanied by a gentle smile. Cas was pained for Dean, he knew Dean was dreading the first appointment. He had shown Cas what he found online and Cas knew he wouldn’t be thrilled if the shoe was on the other foot and he had to have those things done.  At the same time, Cas had to suppress a little smile at the fact that the doctor had gotten Dean’s number so quickly.  If Dean left here today without an appointment, Cas knew he would accept the furthest one they offered and Dean really needed to have his nausea addressed by Dr. Qalla.

Dean pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes, Cas knew that was not a good sign. Dr. Qalla sensed that things were going south and pulled his chair right up to Dean, speaking softly, “Dean, I’m not trying to throw you off balance, honestly. This will be our first serious conversation about your health. I want you to tell me how many times you have thrown up today…be truthful, I know you are probably hiding it from your husband. Hiding things from me could be harmful to the baby, understand?”

Wiping his hand down over his face, Dean nodded and then answered, “Four times today.” Cas eyes widened, their appointment had started at ten and Cas had only been aware of one bout of vomiting.

“Thank you, Dean. Four times including any food you ate or was it before you ate and drank?” Dr Qalla followed up his original question.

“Both, before and after,” Dean said sounding defeated. Cas moved to put his arm around Dean at his husband’s discouraged answer.

Dr. Qalla looked at Dean sympathetically, “Dean, can I see your hand, please?”

Dean reached out to the doctor who took his hand and pinched the skin showing Dean how it took a few seconds for the skin to relax back explaining that it was a sign of pretty bad dehydration. “I should really put you in the hospital at this point but I think you would fight me pretty aggressively on that-“

Dean’s head shot up, “Damn right! NO hospital.”

Dr. Qalla continued, knowing he was right, “Soooo,  I will settle for a complete exam and a couple of bags fluid through an IV here in the office. If baby checks out okay, I will let you try to go home. If I am concerned at all, more than I already am, I will be honest and make the recommendation that you let me admit you. My decision will be based as it always will be, for your health and the health of your baby, understand? Deal?”

 Dean leaned into his husband’s arms, whispering, “Cas…”

Cas pulled Dean close and whispered back, “I know Love, but he is right and we both know it. If you aren’t honest with me about being sick, I have to agree with Dr. Qalla.”

Dean stayed in Cas' arms for a few quiet minutes before answering, “Deal, but I’m not happy.”

Dr. Qalla laughed again, “I didn’t think you would be. I will let you in on a little secret…I wrote the book on avoidance after my two brothers, so it will take a great deal more to pull anything on me.” Even Dean’s mouth turned up into a little smile after that comment.

Dr. Qalla called for a nurse who showed Dean and Cas to an exam room. She was very friendly but not condescending as she weighed him without his shoes and got his height as well. She took his blood pressure and then handed him a short gown and a sheet telling him to remove all his clothing and then place the gown on with the opening in the front and to wrap the sheet around his waist and sit in the chair when he was ready. Cas could poke his head out and let her know when Dean was ready for the doctor to come in. She left them alone to get ready.

Dean was a little shaky as he pulled his tshirt over his head. Silently, Cas helped him put the soft gown on like the nurse told him to and tied it across the front. He unfolded the sheet as Dean removed his boots and wrapped it around his waist as Dean dropped his jeans and boxers. Dean grabbed the sheet and hurried to the chair to sit down. Cas folded Dean’s clothes and then made his way to the chair to give Dean a little moral support before telling the nurse they were ready. “Fuck, Cas. I don’t want to do this,” Dean admitted covering his face with his hand. Cas could tell he was trying not to cry. “It’s alright, Dean, and we both know you need some help with the morning sickness. He is the perfect doctor for you, Love. He will take good care of you. Just ask questions or ask him to explain things if you get uncomfortable. I’ll be here and I’ll hold your hand if you want. I love you, Dean. Thank you for tolerating all of this, I know it isn’t easy, I really know you are struggling. You are so brave…this is harder than anything you ever did as a hunter and I appreciate it.”Dean kissed Cas with trembling lips and told Cas to cut out the chick flick shit, but Cas knew better. He opened the door and told the nurse they were ready.

A few minutes later Dr. Qalla came in the room, washed his hands and dried them. “All set to get started Dean?”

“Hell no, but I guess it’s time,” Dean said, playing off his fear. Dr. Qalla rolled a stool over and sat next to Dean. “I’m going to start by examining your breasts, which both men and women have by the way, then I will insert a speculum to do a test called a pap smear on your cervix. The last part of the exam I will insert two fingers into you to feel for size of your uterus and to feel for any abnormalities in your ovaries or birth canal.” Dean visibly cringed as the doctor detailed the list of exams and his shaking increased visibly. Cas reached for his husband’s hand both of them were clenched in the sheets and sweaty, so he just ran his hand up and down Dean’s arm.

“Are you cold, Dean?” Dr. Qalla asked, and Dean nodded, adding, “and a little sick to my stomach.”

“Okay, Terri, can we get Dean a warm blanket. It’s alright Dean, I know you are nervous; you’re shaking like a leaf. I will explain everything step by step and we’ll take is slow.” He patted Dean on the shoulder and tenderly covered Dean with the warm blanket when the nurse brought it in. He even tucked it in under his chin while he explained the breast exam. He pushed a button and the chair Dean was sitting tipped back slowly and two separate sections under Dean’s thighs separated and brought his knees apart. The doctor tucked the sheet under Dean’s rear until he was ready for the internal exam, telling Dean he wanted him to feel covered. As he completed each part of the examination, he spoke softly and soothingly keeping the conversation light and kept Dean covered as much as he could. At one point Dean vomited but Dr. Qalla was there with a masked bag when he did. Cas thought the doctor couldn’t have been any more attentive and yet he didn’t make Dean feel uncomfortable by the way he spoke to him.

Cas offered his hand and Dean held it tight, sometimes with both of his and looked to Cas for comfort throughout. When the worst of the exam was over, Dean was a sweaty, overwrought mess, but he was done and Cas could tell he felt relieved. Dr Qalla had the portable ultrasound machine brought to the exam room so that Dean wouldn’t have to be moved. He had explained that Dean was probably farther along than any of them suspected and confirmed that indeed Dean was almost twelve weeks pregnant. He let them listen to the heartbeat and see the baby. He gave them a series of pictures to keep of the baby as well. Cas grinned from ear to ear when he saw the little baby shaped blob and Dean truly looked happy for the first time since the news came at  the sight and sound of their child. “Cas…listen…” “I know, Dean, I know. It’s so beautiful,” Cas said, squeezing Dean’s hand, eyes shining.

The doctor adjusted the table so that Dean could lay flat with his legs out straight. He told Dean he could clean up and gave him a washcloth and towel. He told him he could put his clothes back on and then lay back down on the table. “I’ll be back when you are done and I will insert the IV. Maybe you can get a little nap while you wait for the two bags to empty.”

Cas helped Dean clean up and tried to talk about what had passed, but Dean asked him not to, “Cas, please. I can’t right now, okay. I’m barely hanging on right now, I’m sorry.” “No, I’m sorry, Dean. This has been quite an ordeal, let’s get you back on the table to rest, okay?”

Dr. Qalla returned with the nurse and the IV materials plus another warm blanket. He tucked Dean in again and Dean sighed at the feel of the blanket around him. It took a little time but he finally found a good vein on the back of Dean’s hand and got the IV hooked up. He brushed his hand over Dean’s forehead in a very paternal manner and encouraged Dean to get a little sleep. “I’ll check back in a bit. The nurse will be in every twenty minutes to check the IV. You did well today Dean, I know that was uncomfortable on many levels for you. I really need you to start eating more when you go home. You are 6’2” and you only weigh 160 pounds. I’d like you to weigh 175 at least at this point in the pregnancy. This fluid will help you feel better, but you really have to eat. I’m going to want a weekly weight check until I see a positive weight gain, for your health as well as the baby’s. Get some sleep now.”

*****

Dean did his best to snuggle into the heat of the warm blanket and held Cas’ hand as the IV dripped into his hand. He wasn’t gonna lie, he had been sore before in some of the tender places he was sore today, but not like this. He almost hadn’t made it through the exam at all, at one point asking for a break to go to the bathroom, when really all he wanted to do was take a moment to cry out a little frustration. The whole process was humiliating and painful.

The breast exam, yes apparently all men had breasts, not just pecs, had been painful and alarming. The doc explained that he was looking for lumps and abnormal discharge. Dean had jumped when he pinched his nipple even thought the doctor warned him, both times. In his stress and nervousness, his mouth had developed diarrhea and he cringed as he heard himself ask if he would get boobs. It was as if he were in Liar Liar and he was Jim Carrey except he couldn’t stop himself from asking questions instead of telling the truth, no matter how embarrassing the topic. Luckily the doctor was happy to answer all of his questions and explained that male breast tissue was located behind the pectoral muscles and he wouldn’t get full breasts like a woman, but he would be sore and might look as if he had bench pressed a bit. _Oh joy!_

The internal exam had nearly been the end of Dean. It had taken some doing to get him to relax so that the speculum could be inserted and the pap smear completed. At one point Dean recognized that he needed to pee and took a trip to the bathroom to relieve his bladder. His emotions got the best of him and he stifled frustrated sobs desperately trying to get control of himself. Eventually he made it out and no one said anything if they noticed his blotchy red face. He was finally able to will himself to relax enough that the doctor could work him open enough to complete all the tests and the examination. Despite the professional and kind demeanor of the doctor, it was so awkward Dean couldn’t look at him or Cas the entire time, though he clung to Cas with both hands at times. He and Cas were shocked once again when the doctor told them he thought Dean was nearly twelve weeks pregnant.

An ultrasound was ordered to the fact that Dean was so far along, which Dean didn’t mind. He had seen plenty of ultrasound appointments on tv and knew all they did was press a thing on your stomach, smearing it through some gooey gel. Only not everything you see on tv is the whole truth. At this point, Dean needed an internal ultrasound with a wand stuck up his ass, as if it had not already had enough action for one day. He hissed as the tech inserted it and jumped and yelped as she apologized for the _pressure_ she had to apply to get the pictures the doctor wanted.

When the sound of a heartbeat broke the strange quiet of the room, Dean was surprised how much it affected him. He really felt a protective, nurturing love for the source of the fast throbbing beat. It was multiplied by ten when the image appeared on the small screen. He and Cas threaded their fingers together, eyes glued to the screen as the tech made sense of their tiny blobby form for them.  It finally clicked into place for him and he felt a peace about the baby, though he still felt at the mercy of the process his body must go through to bring them this beautiful little being.

When he was finally allowed to clean up and get dressed, he was so done with everyone being nice to him. He felt himself on the edge of losing his shit, partly from pure joy, but truthfully at this point from being truly humbled and stripped down to a raw level of dignity, a necessary evil he supposed. When Cas tried to make small talk he asked him not to, respectfully, not telling him how very close he was to throwing himself in to Cas arms and crying himself to sleep. Cas, ever the kind, supportive, loving husband he was, just continued to help Dean silently sneaking in a quick peck on the cheek or forehead when he could.

Now he found himself drifting off to sleep, exhausted from his ordeal. When he opened his eyes again, the nurse was removing the IV and taping his hand securely. Dean actually felt much better as far as his nausea.  Doctor Qalla came in and gave his final instructions, a few days of rest and then they could resume their _normal activities._ He wanted to see Dean in one week to check his weight. If he had not gained one pound in the next week, the doctor may admit him. He gave Dean a book called, _What to Expect when you are Carrying_ , and told him to read up on hyper-emesis gravidarum, severe morning sickness. 

Dean was really sore as he walked through the waiting room and kept an arm around Cas’ waist for support. It was a combination of the exams and the tension from the whole experience. It was hard not to notice the sweet, sympathetic smiles from the other patients and Dean was sure that these people had heard him complain at some point during the exam. The doctor recommended a warm, not hot bath to help relax and ease some of the discomfort. He rubbed Dean on the back as he said goodbye and told him once again how well he had done. Sam looked a bit worried, and when Dean saw that four hours had passed since their appointment started. He let Sam hug him, though Dean was a little stiff because he was just raw, physically and emotionally from his morning. He felt almost naked in just his tshirt and jeans. He wished that despite it being August that he had brought a flannel shirt.

He sat gingerly in the passenger seat of the impala, Sam driving and Cas in the back, his suggestion. He leaned against the cold class, processing all he had gone through. Sam was looking at the photos Dean had shown him and Cas was telling Sam how nice the doctor was and how well Dean had done through it all. Dean was reaching his limit and he knew it. “Hey guys, do you mind if we go? I’m kinda tired. I mean, I’m glad to see the pictures and all but…” His voice broke a little, “I’m sorry…”

Sam spoke up, “No, don’t be Dean. Of course you’re beat, man. Let’s get you home, and into a bath like the doctor said. Uncle Sam will drive the little guy or gal home, right now.”

Dean smiled at Sam calling himself uncle. He closed his eyes as the traffic went by and then the fields as they headed out of town towards the bunker. Once home, Sam helped Dean out of his seat and pulled him into a brotherly hug, tight and warm. “I’m so proud of you Dean and really happy for you and Cas. I know it’s a lot right now, but it feels right for you two. You’re so good for each other, you deserve a family, you know.”  Dean sniffed a little, “Thanks, Sammy, thanks a lot, man.”

Cas got Dean into the bathroom and filled the old fashioned soaking tub with really warm water. He brought Dean fresh boxers, a tshirt, and his favorite robe. When he started to help him undress, Dean stopped him, “I can do it, thanks…Get in with me?”

Cas smiled softly, “Sure, Dean,” and began to undress himself. Cas stood in the tub first and helped Dean step in as well. He hissed a little as he did and was grateful to lean back against Cas in the warm water. He felt the heat seeping into his aching muscles and tender areas, relaxing him. Cas put both hands on Dean’s stomach. It was a simple gesture and one that tipped Dean’s emotions over the edge. He felt the tears fall and he decided not to stop them this time. He turned into Cas’ chest and nestled his face into his neck as the first sobs came. He didn’t need to speak and neither did Cas. He felt Cas pull him closer and knew that Cas understood what was happening. This was Dean’s release, the end of his disbelief and his moving forward with this stage of their life and relationship. He was letting go and finding peace with carrying their child. He clung to Cas and cried out all of his frustrations, then he continued, half smiling at times for the child that would grow within him and come to toddle through the halls of the bunker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Dean...sweet Dean...emotional, pregnant Dean...my fav...


	8. Good Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean is not doing well and gets an unexpected visitor...or two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have a thing for hurt/comfort...sue me! Dean deserves fluff and comfort and hugs and shit!! It is my job to give it to him...let go...move on!!! Get used to it!!!

Over the next few days, Sam watched his brother and brother in law return to their normal routine and yet at the same time also watched them head down a completely new road. What he admired the most was that they remained together on their journey and truth be told, at one point he had been worried about it. But as he sat eating his cereal every morning and Cas faithfully and hopefully made Dean peppermint tea and dry toast with lingering touches and comforting kisses, he knew they were alright. Hell they were better than alright, they were going to have a family.

He thought of the first day back from the doctor, when Dean and Cas had gone to take a bath. Sam had heard Dean’s soulful cries and Cas’ comforting shushing and I love yous. It had both broken and warmed his heart. He said nothing when he heard Cas call for him and overlooking the awkwardness of both of them being naked with tear stained faces, had simple helped Cas get Dean to bed. Much later, when Cas emerged, he shared with Sam the details of the exam, saying Dean had told him to share so that he didn’t have to rehash it himself. The two brothers in law made it their goal to help Dean get a handle on his nausea and gain some weight. Sam had also made the offer to move out of the bunker so that Cas and Dean could have the home to themselves, but Cas just said, “Dean said you ‘d do that, but he told me to make sure you know he would kick your ass and drag you home if you left.” Sam just smiled and nodded, relieved and unable to find words. They may not hunt anymore, but they knew what was out there and found the safety of the bunker and his family a comfort.

Dean speaking snapped Sam back to the present moment. He was staring at the toast and tea Cas had placed before him and then looked up with hollow, pale green eyes and a thin, drawn face, and said, “Babe, I can’t… ,” he pushed the plate and mug back and rested his forehead on the table. Not only had the vomiting from the morning sickness continued, Dean had also begun to have the runs if he did manage to keep anything down. It seemed a cruel trick to Sam that the reward for keeping down a few bites of food or a few sips of a drink should be to have it go right through you. There were times he changed their sheets while Cas helped Dean clean up in the shower, so he knew Dean was suffering. He had even stopped objecting or acting embarrassed about it. Sam would say things like, “Not like you didn’t change me when I needed it, or when I puked, it wasn’t Dad helping me, Dean, we both know that.” Soon it was just part of their day though Cas and Sam became more and more concerned.

Dean lifted his head and Cas went to him, pulling him into his arms where he sat. “Better call the doc, Cas.” Dean hadn’t even made it the whole week until his first weight check and it didn’t need to be said that Dean had probably lost even more weight since his appointment.  
“Alright, Lovebug, I’ll call him. Do you want to go lay down?” Cas asked as he fished his cell out of the pocket of his faded jeans. Dean shook his head but said nothing about Cas’ use of the pet name. Sam had only ever heard that by accident, and Dean didn’t even flinch. Cas stood next to Dean holding him against his chest and stoking his hair as he spoke to someone at the office. He mmhmmed and yessed a lot before hanging up. Cas kissed Dean on the top of his head and spoke into his hair, “He wants us to go to the birthing center in Mankato. It’s about 40 minutes away, so we better get going.”

Dean showered, much to Cas’ and Sam’s objections, so in the end they all showered before going, one of the perks of having a large bathroom with lots of shower stalls. Dean put on comfortable pajama pants and a tshirt then pulled on a hoodie before heading out to sit on the staircase that led to the door. Cas emerged from the bedroom with a duffel, pillows and blanket, and handed Sam the keys, “You drive we’ll sit in the back.” Sam replied, I got plastic bags and paper towels in case Dean gets sick.  Also, I brought a bag with water and snacks in case they don’t have a cafeteria.”

*****

It was a long ride and Dean dry heaved a few times. They were almost there when Dean told Cas he needed to go to the bathroom. “Hang on, Dean we are almost there, love, almost there.” Sam connected to Cas in the rearview mirror and picked up the speed a little. He jumped out of the car when they pulled into the circular drive of the center and ran in to get help, returning quickly with staff and a wheelchair. Dean was pale and covered in a sheen of sweat as they helped him into the chair and the facility. Cas remained by his side and Sam said he would grab all the stuff when he parked.

Dr. Qalla had called ahead and the nurses were ready for Dean. They ushered him into a triage room and thankfully into a bathroom, though it was a little late and Dean had to relinquish his pj pants for a gown. Cas hovered outside the door and told Sam to go park the car, he wanted Dean to have his pillow and blanket when they put him on the bed. Two nurses and a pink faced Dean emerged from the tiny bathroom and Cas scooped Dean into his arms. “Please don’t separate us again, I can help, please…” Cas had asked quietly and the nurses nodded and let Cas help Dean onto a gurney in the room. They asked Cas to stand by Dean’s feet and one began to assess Dean while the other questioned Dean and Cas typing furiously into laptop on a rolling stand. The assessing nurse call out numbers and jargon and the nurse noted those items as well.

Dr. Qalla arrived shortly after the assessment was complete and greeted Dean and Cas teasing them about their speed, “Wow, and I thought I had a lead foot, you guys beat me soundly. I saw your brother in the waiting room, he claimed responsibility.” He laughed his warm laugh and then took a look at Dean and the nurses notes on the laptop. “I’m really glad you had Cas call, Dean. You are looking a little worse than at your appointment and I understand you are having issues at both ends of the spectrum now, am I right?” Dean nodded and the doctor continued, “I am sure this won’t surprise you, but I am admitting you. You’re weight is down two or three more pounds, give or take for the difference in scales, but the runs are an issue. That is usually a sign of the hyperemesis gravidarum I warned you about. Bad stuff, HG, usually means medical intervention to make it through.” Dean’s face reflected the fear Cas felt and knew Dean must be feeling. “Don’t worry, Dean. You are in good hands here, we are going to admit you  and help you take good care of your baby, okay.” Neither Cas nor Dean had dry eyes after that and Dr. Qalla brought Cas from Dean’s feet to his side, speaking to the nurses, “Cas here has a good way his husband, nothing gets by him and Dean listens to him. Keep him involved in his daily care. Now let’s get this family settled in a room. Someone get the brother, Sam from the waiting area. Is the big room on the non delivery wing open? That would be the perfect spot for them.”

They spent two weeks in the big room that Dr. Qalla had requested. Cas never left Dean at the hospital. Sam left every few days to get clean clothes for all of them and to shower at the bunker. Cas had showered each morning whenever Dean could finally drift off to sleep.

The HG Dean had been diagnosed with had thoroughly kicked his ass and it was a team effort, but Dean was finally feeling better. At first he was IV dependent for all nutrients, unable to keep anything down. Now he had just a hep-Lock n his hand for fluids at night, and instead of Cas and the staff bathing Dean and cleaning him up when he had accidents in bed, Dean was showering with Cas and using the bathroom with a little help.  He sat up most of the day and even went outside for short periods of time. It was almost September, and the weather was cooling off just slightly. He could take small walks if he was careful and either Cas or Sam walked with him arm in arm. Dean maintained his don’t baby me attitude but had learned to accept help graciously when he knew it was best for the baby.

One morning after a particularly successful breakfast where Dean had managed to eat two scrambled eggs and half a banana, and keep it down, Cas looked directly at Sam and suggested they all go outside for a while and sit on the bench to get a little sun. Not suspecting anything, and feeling better than he had since arriving, Dean shrugged his shoulders, but put on his robe over the pj pants and gown he was wearing. He let Sam push him in the wheelchair to the doors. He walked to the bench with Cas, arms around each other’s waists and sat on the bunch in the warm Kansas sunshine.

They had been sitting about fifteen minutes  with Sam nearly giving everything away with his fidgeting. Cas had been giving his pointed looks the entire time when he thought Dean couldn’t see. They both jumped when Dean griped at him, “What the fuck, Sam. You’re jumpy as hell, you expecting someone?” Then it was like a light switch went on and at that very moment the tell tale sound of a classic car broke the silence. Dean turned to see Bobby’s beat up but beautifully running camaro pull into the circular drive.

Sam and Cas braced for the worst, but Dean said nothing and tried to stand. Cas helped him to his feet as Bobby and Jody emerged from the car. Dean looked like he didn’t know what to expect, a hug or a beating…and Cas couldn’t help but damn John Winchester for that. Bobby though, he knew Bobby would come through for Dean.

True to form, Bobby walked up to them and greeted them warmly, “Well took you long enough, ya idjits!” He pulled Dean into a gentle hug and said softy, “Come here, my boy.” Cas watched, his eyes filling with unshed tears as Bobby held Dean and Dean melted into the only man who had ever fathered him well. Dean cried softly as Bobby gripped his head and rubbed his back. He whispered things only Dean could hear and Dean tightened his grip on Bobby’s plaid flannel shirt. Out of the corner or his eye Cas saw Jody and Sam break apart and Jody came to hug him, but they all stood back and let Bobby and Dean have some time together.

Bobby lowered Dean back to sitting on the bench, never letting go, but beginning to make more Bobby like comments they could all hear, “I always knew that angel of yours would get the two of you into this kind of trouble.” Dean left his head on Bobby’s shoulder and an iron grip on his shirt, but he smiled through his tears and even laughed once or twice. Bobby continued his private comments and even put his hand on Dean’s still flat belly a few times. Dean beamed and when he seemed to be more put together, Bobby said loud enough for all of them to hear, “She’s gonna skin me soon if I don’t let her get a turn in here.”

That seemed to be the queue that the schmaltzy talk was over and Jody came to give Dean a big hug and pat his belly a few times herself. Bobby stood and greeted Cas with a hug and whispered in his ear, “Thanks for having Sam call us.” Cas just nodded, unable to find words and Bobby smacked him, hard, on the back. Cas was grateful for the shock of it and turned to see Dean looking like excitement of the morning had worn him out even thought it had only been an hour since breakfast. “Looks like someone is tired,” Bobby barked in his usual style. Cas agreed and he and Bobby helped Dean to the door and the waiting wheelchair. Cas let Bobby wheel Dean to his room, and let Dean give directions. Once there he helped Dean to the bathroom and then into the bed. He tucked him in and Dean could hardly keep his eyes open. Bobby came over to the bed and in an unusually soft show of affection, kissed Dean on the forehead and said, “I’m so proud of you son, it’s not easy for you to let people help you. You’ve always been the one to dole out all the help in your life. Now’s your turn to take a little, help that baby of yours. Take a nap, Jody and I will stay for a while if you don’t mind havin’ us around a bit.” Dean just nodded.

Cas kissed Dean lightly on the lips, no deep kisses since the morning sickness, “Sleep Lovebug, sleep. Sam and I are gonna take Jody and Bobby to the cafeteria for some coffee if you don’t mind. I’ll send them and stay if you want me to…” Dean shook his head told Cas he would be fine. Cas lowered the head of the bed slightly so Dean was more comfortable and kissed him one more time. “I’ll tell the nurses where we are, here’s the button and your cell phone if you need anything. Dean’s eyes fell closed as Cas stroked his fingers through his hair a few times before leaving.  Just before he fell asleep, he whispered, “Thanks, angel.” Cas peppered his face with soft kisses before turning to find Sam, Jody, and Bobby wiping at their eyes. Yeah, thought Cas, Bobby and Jody were a good call.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sigh...soft kisses and tucking him into bed...


	9. There's No Place Like the Bunker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Good news for Dean and Cas and a moment shared by the little family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter kind of fills in some gaps about how their life works now and how Dean became Lovebug.

At the recommendation of Dr. Qalla and the pleading of his husband, Dean stayed one more week into September, though he thought he was well enough to go home after the initial two. He was feeling better, only occasionally vomiting and the diarrhea had all but stopped thanks to the two weeklong strict adherence to the BRAT diet.  He had also received some lessons in relaxation exercises to help with the nausea. During the last week of his stay, just when Dean didn’t think he could eat anymore bananas, rice, applesauce or toast, he was allowed to eat food as tolerated. He and Cas were eating breakfast together, real breakfast, eggs and hash browns, no toast, when Dr. Qalla came by for his morning rounds.

“Good morning Winchesters,” the doctor smiled cheerfully at them.

“Mornin’ Doc, how’s it going?” Dean asked as he continued to eat his breakfast.

Cas said good morning and then Dr. Qalla asked a very welcome question, “I’m well, Dean, thanks. How would you feel about going home today or tomorrow?”

Dean set his fork down and swallowed, “Hell yeah! Today, I say today, huh Cas?” They had been sitting close together while they ate and he nudged Cas with his shoulder.

“I must admit it would be wonderful to take you home, Dean.” He turned to Dr Qalla, “Do you think he is ready, Doctor?”

Dr. Qalla answered, “I do think you’re ready to go home Dean. You will need to be careful about eating. Go back to the BRAT diet if you get the runs again, drink lots of water and get lots of rest. Overdoing it will aggravate the HG and we don’t want that. You will come into my office in town to have a weekly weight check and if you continue to gain weight, I will stop those appointments and you can just come in for your monthly appointments. Okay?

“Sounds great to me?” Dean answered happily, looking to Cas for his reaction. He was greeted by a smile but a timid one. “What, Cas? Don’t you want me to come home?”

“Dean, of course I do! I’m just nervous that you will get sick again, but I want to be home with you, Love,” Cas explained and then leaned in to kiss Dean on the temple.

“I understand your concerns, Cas,” Dr. Qalla said with an understanding tone. “You will need to help him stay on track and be sure he gets to all his appointments, though I am sure Dean won’t balk at that.”

Dean didn’t respond to Dr. Qalla’s teasing about Cas keeping him in line, almost like he was in his own thoughts, “Hey Doc…Is it okay if we have sex?”

“Dean!” Cas chided, turning bright red at his husband’s brash question.

The warm laugh that Dean and Cas had become accustomed to rang out of Dean’s doctor, “Yes Dean, if you take it easy and don’t overdo it, pun intended, you should be able to resume your physical relationship.”

“”You’re a funny guy, Doc. Isn’t he Cas?” Dean asked as Cas continued to blush profusely at the discussion of their sex life. “Oh, come on Cas, I’m pregnant…he must know we have sex.” Cas only blushed a brighter shade of red, looking down at his food.

“Leave him alone Dean or maybe he will leave you here. I’ll let you finish your breakfast, one of the nurses will be in to remove your hep-lock and give you written discharge instructions, and then you can be on your way. I’m glad to see you feeling better and eating Dean. Someone from the business office will be by to discuss your bill before you go as well. If you can’t pay your copay today, they can bill you, just tell them.

“Oh okay, we should be able to pay what we owe, it won’t be a problem,” Dean said, smiling at the knowledge that Charlie had taken care of all of their financial needs when they left active hunting. They still occasionally did simple salt and burns, and they did a lot of research for current hunters, but the bulk of the big stuff was over and they hoped it stayed that way. They had bank accounts full of money and legitimate credit cards now. They also had great health insurance, all under the guise of being retired “big game” hunters. Charlie was brilliant with the computer and had set them up comfortably and securely.

Dean scarfed down the rest of his food and then called Sam, to let him know he would be going home, and that he, Bobby and Jody should just stay home and wait for them. Dean didn’t bother to shower, knowing he would just shower again when he got home, Cas followed suit and the two men got dressed. Dean was like a kid on Christmas morning, chomping at the bit to head out.

The business person came by and Cas paid their two hundred dollar copay with a credit card from his wallet. Dean remembered putting shoulders back in place and sewing up his brother with yards and yards of dental floss. Back then, hospitals were avoided at all cost. It seemed strange that he had just spent three weeks in one without worrying about dashing out without paying.

Soon one of his nurses removed the remainder of his IV and went over all of the discharge papers. Cas listened attentively, which made Dean happy, because he could hardly concentrate on anything but getting into the impala and hitting the road. When she was done, Dean and Cas packed up the few belongings they had brought and left the room in which they had spent three longs weeks. On their way out, the staff wished them luck and told the couple they would see them when Dean delivered. Dean was surprised at how emotional he was about leaving. Suddenly his gratitude welled up in his eyes and a few tears spilled over.  Dr. Qalla came out of another room to say his goodbyes just as Dean was breaking down. He wrapped Dean in a sincere, warm hug as Dean croaked out a thank you , “Go home and take care of each other. I’ll see you in a week at your first weight check which also happens to be your four month appointment.” Dean nodded but couldn’t speak. Dr. Qalla did not let go of him, “It’s okay to be emotional, Dean. You’ve been through the ringer, let yourself feel it.” He patted Dean on the back and then pulled away, shaking Cas’ hand and telling him to keep an eye on his “charge.” It lightened the mood and Dean managed a smile as they left the center for the impala and the ride home.

*****

Cas pulled the car into the garage beneath the bunker and he and Dean got out and headed up into the living quarters. Their fingers interlaced, they walked up into the map room of the bunker and Dean yelled out, “Honey, I’m home!”

Sam came running from the hall leading to the bedrooms, “Hey Dean and Cas…welcome home, guys.” He put his arms around Dean and clapped him on the back. Dean returned the hug, glad to be out of the birthing center. The brothers shared a private moment that needed no words.  Sam released him and hugged Cas, laughing as he said, “Good to have you home, Cas. This is where you hug me back, buddy.” Cas, who usually only shared affection with Dean, responded to Sam by reaching his arms from hanging stiffly at his sides to returning Sam’s hug tentatively.

Bobby and Jody emerged from the kitchen, both in aprons with towels over their shoulders. They all exchanged greetings and Bobby let them know about lunch plans, “We’re working on some chicken soup and chili for lunch, and some turkey club sandwiches like we get at that diner in Sioux Falls, you remember those Dean?”

“I do, and it sounds great. Do I have time for a shower? I wanna wash the hospital off me, how about you Cas?” Dean asked.

“Sure, we thought we’d eat about noon and it’s only eleven now. How’s that sound?” Bobby answered looking from Dean to Cas. “Perfect, Bobby,” Cas replied, adding, “We’ll go shower and then unpack our duffel before lunch. Dean needs lots of rest so maybe a nap after lunch. We’ve got to keep him eating and drinking. He has an appointment in one week for a weight check and regular checkup for the baby. We’ll go over all of his discharge instructions at lunch.”

“Hello, babe…I’m right here and I’m not a case to be discussed,” Dean objected to the direction of the conversation.

“Lovebug, we need a plan that everyone is aware of to make sure you don’t end up needing three more weeks at the birthing center. We need all the help we can get, that’s all,” Cas said, wrapping his arm around Dean’s waist. Sam, Jody and Bobby all smirked at Cas’ use of Dean’s pet name, but they said nothing as Cas led Dean down the hall to their room.

They showered together and Dean relished the feel of his own shower. The bunker had fabulous water pressure and he had definitely missed it. They returned to their room in robes to dress for lunch. Dean went to put on jeans but Cas encouraged him to wear pajama pants and a tshirt with a flannel over it so they could relax after lunch and eventually sleep for a while. Neither of them had really slept well at the center, and they had some catching up to do. Dean agreed to wear sleep clothes but wore his robe instead of a flannel. He sat on the bed when he was dressed and it finally hit him that they were home.

He looked over at Cas as his husband towel dried his hair and thought about something he had not let himself do yet. He thought about Cas holding their baby and he smiled to himself and then he dared to place his hand on his belly.

Suddenly Cas was in his line of vision and kneeling before him on the floor. He fell back on the bed as Cas gently pushed him onto his back. He felt the warmth of Cas’ lips as he pushed up his shirt and kissed Dean’s belly. He spoke as he peppered Dean with sweet, chaste pecks, “Hello Littlebug,” he said as he felt Dean’s hands in his hair. He crawled up on top of Dean and kissed him soundly but chastely on the mouth, something Cas had not been able to do for a while because of the nausea, “Now I have my Lovebug and my Littlebug, my two bugs.”

“Cas…,” Dean said softly, astonished at his husband’s affection towards their baby. He knew Cas loved the baby, but had not really let Dean know that he had an endearment for him or her. Dean had ended up being lovebug after Cas went through an embarrassing stage of calling him every pet name in the book. He had been annoyed with Cas and ended up unintentionally hurting his feelings.  Eventually he talked with Cas and helped him understand how to pick one or two that meant something and stuck. He wasn’t thrilled with Lovebug at the time, but had gotten used to it and now hearing Cas call their baby a variation of that name, he realized more than ever how important it was to Cas. Dean was happy, really happy about being pregnant for the first time and he knew how wrong that sounded, but if he was being honest...it was really the first time they were sharing this kind of moment. It was a chick flick moment and Dean didn’t give a shit…not one bit.

*****

Sam called them for lunch while they were cuddling on the bed, so their moment ended before Dean really wanted it to. Cas pulled him to his feet and they headed to the main room of the bunker. They found lunch set up in the library and ate with Bobby, Jody and Sam. Dean ate soup and half of his sandwich. The visited and laughed and even discussed some research that Sam and Bobby had been working on for Rufus who was heading out on a hunt for a vamp nest. It wasn’t long before Dean felt himself getting sleepy. It must have been obvious because Cas put a gentle hand on his arm, and asked hesitantly, “Dean you look exhausted, do you want to go lay down?”

Dean surprised them all by answering, “Yeah, I am kinda tired…time for a nap, I guess.” He pushed his chair back and attempted to stand and pick up his dishes to take them into the kitchen. He felt himself wobble a bit and heard Sam, “Leave them, Dean. I’ll clear the table, let Cas help you to your room.” He felt Cas’ arm around his waist and leaned into the supportive hold of his husband, “ ‘m fadin’ fast Cas, better get me to bed.”

The next thing he remembered thinking was how long a walk it was to their room. They had practically lived in one room for the past three weeks and he had used a wheel chair to go outside at the center. He wasn’t used to this much walking, not to mention the energy expended showering. Showering always wore him out at the center. He was grateful when the bed hit his legs and Cas was pulling back the covers. He lay down and felt Cas tuck him in, then heard himself talking, almost like an out of body experience, “Stay Cas?” “Of course, Dean,” Cas answered and then he felt the warmth of Cas envelope him as his eye lids grew heavier and heavier. The last thing he remembered was Cas’ hand stroking through his hair gently and Cas telling him, “Sleep Lovebug, I’m here…”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From here on out time will progress rather quickly. Hang on...
> 
> Let me know what you think, I need a little fuel for my fire...


	10. Fall is For Feeling Good!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean is feeling better and looking more pregnant. That's a good thing, right???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to give you a little fluff after all the angst in the early part of Dean's pregnancy. I hope you enjoy the feels...

As September progressed, so did Dean’s health…and appetite…and not just for food.  It started with baby steps, eating small meals of things that he craved, just so he would eat and keep it down. He gained weight steadily at his weekly checks at Dr. Qalla’s office. After four weeks of gaining weight, Dr. Qalla began to talk about the importance of his diet, especially after Cas shared that Dean was eating only cravings and maybe not balanced meals. Dean balked at first, but when his doctor explained what could happen to the baby without proper nutrition, Dean was on board one hundred percent.  He still ate his cravings, Dr. Qalla didn’t say he couldn’t, but he ate three squares a day and two healthy snacks as well as drinking a shit ton of water. Sam couldn’t believe the amount of fruits and vegetables Dean ate, more than in the rest of his life combined. Cas smiled to himself every time he heard, “I’m proud of you, Jerk,” and Dean’s response, “Thanks, bitch.”

Dean’s belly had a little bump that got fuller and fuller looking as the weeks passed. Cas found it incredibly adorable and unbelievably sexy at the same time. Cas was apprehensive about resuming their sex life when they came home from the birthing center, after all Dean had been so weak for so long. Dean had tried to get frisky the very day they came home after a long afternoon nap. Cas gently refused the advance, but of course Dean had taken it personally and been upset. He claimed he understood, but Cas saw the hurt in his eyes and finally agreed to let Dean get himself off while they made out like teenagers. He felt guilty for days afterward, one for hurting Dean’s feelings, and two for not having the spine to make sure Dean was stronger and eating more before giving in to his desires for sex. It wasn’t that Cas didn’t want to make sweet, slow love to him and at the same time pound him into their memory foam mattress, because he most certainly did! It was that Dean was somehow fragile to him now that he was carrying their child and struggling with the hyperemesis gravidarum.

Cas felt a little better after each appointment that Dean gained weight and their sex life resumed is stages until one night when Dean approached him, the guilt just melted away and they had the incredibly sweet, slow sex that blew both their minds. For all his talk of “I’m pregnant Cas, not handicapped, one of these days I’m just going to throw you on the bed and ride you hard,” Dean had been eager but  apprehensive when the moment came, and extremely emotional like Cas had never seen during sex before. Apparently, Dean Winchester does cry during sex, and also while chanting, “Cas, it just feels so good to have you back inside me.”

Now they were back at it like rabbits, just as they had been before Dean had become sick and they had discovered the pregnancy. There were hand jobs and blow jobs in the shower, Cas absolutely refused to have sex with pregnant Dean on a slippery tile floor. They made out in front of the television, groping each other like a couple of pubescent teens, Dean’s hormones making him not one bit self-conscious about the noises and sounds he made. Luckily, Bobby and Jody had returned to Sioux Falls, but poor Sam pretty much resorted to wearing headphones 24/7. 

*****

By the time October rolled around, Dean had a full round tummy and no clothes that fit. Dean sighed as he tried to button his jeans over his belly, “Shit. Shit, shit, shit.” Dean tore of the offensive pants and through them on the ground. He pulled on a pair of sweats, elastic waist sweat pants. He never wore sweat pants, jeans were his only choice unless Cas wanted him to wear dress pants for one of their date nights, or a suit for his FBI status on a hunt. Now Dean had one pair of jeans that fit and they were in the laundry, so sweats it was, for now. He felt the tears welling up and swore he would not cry over something as stupid as sweat pants, but his hormones had other plans.

Cas came from the shower just as the first tears hit Dean’s cheeks. He turned from Cas until he could get control of himself, but damn if it didn’t seem like Cas still had his angel mojo and sensed Dean’s tears. “What’s wrong, Dean?’ he said as he wrapped Dean in his arms and nestled his husband’s head into his neck. “I don’t have any pants….” Dean cried, finally giving up the fight. “…cause I’m fat….”

“Oh Dean, you are _not_ fat! Love, you are having our baby, and you are going to keep growing as the baby grows, “ Cas attempted to soothe Dean’s tears.

Dean whipped his head off of Cas’s shoulder, flipping his tears off like they were operated by a switch, “Well, thank you Captain Obvious!”

“Love, I simply meant that you look beautiful. I’ve been encouraging you to let me take you shopping for maternity, excuse me, paternity clothes. Why don’t we go today after breakfast, hmmm?” Cas answered, not even letting Dean’s snapping bother him. He knew Dean didn’t mean to bark at him and would be sorry and apologize when he calmed down. He had become accustomed to Dean’s mood swings.

“You really think I still look good?” Dean asked as he smoothed his hand over his burgeoning belly, his usually confident green eyes full of honest doubt and concern. “I mean, Cas…it just seems so strange when I look in the mirror. I’m happy, babe, don’t think I’m not, but I feel…I don’t know…” his eyes began to fill again.

Cas pulled his taller and bulkier husband into his arms. There was no doubt that Dean Winchester had a reputation among hunters and the hunted alike, as a fierce and formidable foe, yet here he stood worried and in need of reassurance that he was still loved and wanted. It tugged at Cas’ heart as he told him of the first moment he touched him, “When I pulled you out of the depths of hell, your soul was so beautiful it nearly blinded me. It filled me with a love for you that I could not name.” Dean sniffed as he listened to his husband.  Cas continued, slowly, pausing and choosing his words carefully, “When I look at you now, growing as you carry our child, something I never knew could happen… I am startled by the level of your magnificence. I have never felt more in love with you or physically attracted to you at any point in our relationship.” He lifted Dean’s chin with one finger, “Do you understand, Lovebug? Do you know what you mean to me and what you do to me?” His eyes fell to Dean’s lips and he moved in to kiss them, sweetly, firmly and then just this side of dirty.

Dean blushed as Cas kissed him and then said, “I guess it’s time to just bite the bullet and by clothes that fit.”

“That’s my Lovebug,” Cas said, pulling Dean back in for one more hug. “We will go after we eat then, alright?” Dean nodded, “Thanks, Cas. You’re a badass husband, you know?”

Cas surprised Dean with his deadpan response, “I do know… but I’m not half as badass as you are for having our baby.”

*****

Shopping for paternity clothes proved to be a challenge until they found the right store and salesperson. The first few stores were combined maternity and paternity clothes with only a few racks of strange odd and ends for guys. They stayed less than five minutes in those stores. They sat in the parking lot and googled carrier clothing stores, something Cas had suggested in the beginning before Dean had rushed out and insisted on driving around looking for stores. Cas located one in Mankato, not far from the birthing center and they headed out to the highway that would take them there.

They found it in a strip mall near a great Mexican restaurant that Cas promised to take Dean to for lunch if he spent more than five minutes looking at clothes. Dean rolled his eyes so hard Cas thought they might not return to normal, “Cas, I will look at clothes more than five minutes when they are not shitty weird clothes.”

*****

The clerk who greeted them was male, a novel idea in Dean’s mind, and if the size of his own baby belly was an indicator, very much a carrier himself. He was sharply dressed in brand name but not overly expensive jeans, the very kind Dean liked. He wore a loose fitting tee with an electric guitar on it and a roomy denim button down over the top of it. He looked like Dean had dressed him. Dean smiled at Cas, his warm only for Cas smile as a thank you for taking charge and finding this place, then turned to the man who greeted him.

“Hey there, how are you today? Can I help you find anything?” the friendly but not annoying salesperson asked.

“Well I think if anyone can, it’s probably gonna be you. You don’t seem lame like the people in the other places we’ve been today,” Dean blabbed before he realized what he was saying, damn pregnancy brain had no filter.

The guy just laughed, “Well thank you, I think…”

“Jesus, I’m sorry, I have no filter since I…well…,” Dean felt his face burning.

“No worries, man, pregnancy brain will get you every time, I totally get it,“ he said, pointing to his belly. “I’m going to assume by the sweat pants that you are finally breaking down and going clothes shopping, huh?”

Cas came up and wrapped an arm around Dean’s waist as Dean said, “My husband has been trying to get me to go for over a month but it took a moment of panic to get me here I guess. I just don’t want to look like…”

“A woman? Or a man wearing maternity clothes designed for a woman?” the clerk finished.

“Yes, I think that’s kind of my fear,” Dean admitted honestly, leaning a little more into Cas’ side.

“Well you’ve come to the right place, this is number four for me and my boyfriend and I started this business because out here in Kansas there weren’t a lot of options for me seven years ago when we got pregnant. I just bought bigger stuff but felt like I looked homeless, not pregnant. I order a ton of cool stuff and the location by the birthing center keeps me in business. I bet you want some jeans to start.”

Dean and Cas looked through all of the racks and the guy who introduced himself as Matt, piled the things they chose onto a dressing room. Cas waited outside to see each outfit and Dean smiled brighter and more confidently with each change of clothes. Dean ended up with a winter coat, five pairs of jeans, one pair of nicer pants, tons of tshirts with either classic bands or plain colors, nothing frufru. They also purchased long sleeved over shirts, plaid flannel and solid colors and even a few hoodies and sweaters. The last things they picked out were pajama pants, tees and a robe for the cold winter nights ahead, and unfortunately underwear. They were small, almost like bikini underwear, but the guy had leveled with him, insisting he would eventually be happy with them when his boxers would no longer fit and explaining that even paternity boxers just slid down and bunched up. Dean believed him and bought ten pair to start. He made Cas come in and look at a pair he tried on, but only because they reminded them of the underwear Rhonda Hurley made him try on and he may or may not have pressed Cas up against the wall while wearing them. From the _he doth protest too much,_ look on Matt’s face, Dean figured he had been found out and looked at the floor while his stuff was packed up. Seven hundred and twenty eight dollars and a belly full of Mexican food later, they were on their way home with a happy Dean wearing his favorite new outfit, a pair of awesome soft jeans, a grey and black Styx tee and a grey and white plaid flannel shirt with his new navy canvas winter jacket as well. As they drove down the road, Dean couldn’t ever remember owning so many new things at once in his whole life, but he was going to enjoy it and if it kept the beautiful smile that was on Cas’ face, well it was worth every penny.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments always encouraged...I love suggestions and ideas of what you want to see the boys go through. Next is Halloween, because why not???


	11. Trick or Treat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas gear up to celebrate Halloween, not sure if Sam will join them, their goal to begin putting down roots in Lebanon for their growing family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for writing 11 chapters before getting to some real smut...Happy Halloween!

It all started when Cas and Dean were at the grocery store in town and an adorable six year old boy shopping with his mom ran up to Dean, tilted his head(not unlike Cas, actually) and said, “You’re one of them carriers, right?” His mother reacted with horror and probably a heavy dose of embarrassment if Dean was correct, “ Steven! Oh my God, I am so sorry,” She leaned down to her on and spoke very kindly but firmly to him, “Honey, you just can’t walk up to people and point and say things like that, it’s not good manners.” He looked puzzled but remained quiet as she spoke, “He just had his scan and we found out he is a carrier, he’s a little fascinated at the moment,” she rambled.

Dean interrupted, “Wait, wait, wait, it’s alright ma’am. He didn’t say anything that wasn’t true, it’s kinda obvious,” Dean swiped his hand over his five month baby belly, smoothing his AC/DC tee that read Dirty _Deeds **Were** Done Dirt Cheap_. He leaned down to the boy and introduced himself and Cas, “Hi Steven, I’m Dean and this is my husband Cas. You’re right, I am a carrier just like you. You can talk to me whenever you want, okay. I mean if it’s okay with Mom of course.” He saw Cas’ mouth quirk up out of the corner of his eye.

Steven, who’s mom now shared the smile, smiled up at Dean and Dean thought that he and Cas dressed in typical hunters clothing might look like the kind of people who would not take well to little kids approaching them in the store. They often shopped at night when they were still hunting and really had not made much of an effort to be part of the community given that the bunker only recently became their home instead of just home base. As if she could read his mind, Steven’s mother said, “I’m Amy, thanks for being so nice, and he can talk to you, I just don’t want him to be a pain, though if you are having one of your own, you must at least like kids, right?” Dean and Cas laughed with her and then she asked, “Are you new to town, I mean it’s not very big and I don’t remember ever seeing you before.”

Dean decided with the baby coming and all, it was time to put down some roots. He pulled Cas into his side and explained that they lived out at the old bunker on the outskirts of town, with Sam and that they were retired big game hunters, thanks again Charlie, but were just starting a family.

Before he knew it Amy had explained that the town knew people were living there but the rumors were rampant of the creepy _The Hills Have Eyes_ type. She said the local kids always snooped around the bunker on Halloween and Dean said it before he realized it, “Well, we’ll just have to be ready for them this year.”

*****

Cas and Dean were in hog heaven, making plans for Halloween. Of course Cas was aware of all of the pagan rituals surrounding Halloween and at first couldn’t understand how it related to small children in  any positive way, but Dean explained the commercial side of the holiday and Cas was totally on board. He loved the humanity of celebrating and especially loved helping Dean with anything he may have missed enjoying in his youth.  Sam was not so sure, “Dean, everyday is Halloween for us, why do this now?”

“Because if Cas and I are going to raise a child here, and you’re going to be an uncle, maybe someday find someone nice and settle down yourself, we need to start meeting people and being somewhat normal. Jesus, Sam, the lady said the town calls us the hills have eyes people,” Dean’s exasperation was evident in his tone.

“Who the hell are you and what have you done with my cynical brother Dean?”

Dean was still riding the roller coaster of hormones and couldn’t help but feel hurt. He was really trying to do the right thing with Cas and their baby. He hated that he never got to decorate for a holiday or belong anywhere for any length of time. He wanted their child to have friends and never have to worry about packing up everything they owned and moving at a moment’s notice, like he and Sam had so many times. He went into the kitchen to put away the groceries they had just bought. Cas came in and slipped his arms around Dean pulling his back against his chest and rubbing his hands in circles on his belly. “I love you, Dean. Sam will come around about holidays, and you have to admit, it is a change for you to care about them. Halloween is a strange one to start with. Let’s just continue with our plans and if Sam participates, good. If he doesn’t, we’ll still enjoy all the work we have done and hopefully meet some people from town.”

“Thanks, babe. I just wonder if I had tried harder when he was little…maybe-“

“Dean, you cannot continue to blame yourself for your father’s lack of parenting, you know how I feel about that,” Cas warned. He squeezed Dean’s belly a little tighter and whispered in his ear, “This baby is our chance to do all the things you never got to do and I think it is something Sam has always wanted, maybe more than you.”

“Yeah, I mean I get that, babe. Sam always wanted the apple pie life and maybe he’s feeling a little like why not him…it is possible,” Dean contemplated what Cas had said.

“You get the groceries put away and I’ll start sorting through the decorations,” Cas kissed Dean soundly on the mouth before giving him a quick slap on the ass and walking out of the kitchen. Dean yelped and turned to see Cas smirk as he disappeared around the corner.

*****

Dean had set the table in the map room for their Halloween dinner. There were mummy dogs wrapped in crescent roll dough, mac and cheese, baked beans, apples with peanut butter caramel dip, spice cupcakes with apple pie filling and cinnamon butter cream, and ghost cookies. Dean loved to cook again after the morning sickness was all but gone and he loved to eat what he made. He called out that dinner was ready and Cas came jogging down the stairs having finished the last minute touches on the outside decorations. Inside the stair cases were wrapped in spider webs and orange lights giving a festive glow to the map room.

Cas gave Dean a quick peck, being careful of their white skeleton makeup, they would have to touch up after dinner of course. Dean had ordered their costumes online; they wore black outfits with white skeleton bones that glowed in the dark. Dean’s shirt had a baby skeleton right at baby bump level, he figured people would either find it morbid or cute, but it was better than being a huge pumpkin. Sam had helped with the decorating but was not sure he would participate in trick or treating, so it was a pleasant surprise when Sam appeared for dinner with a full on Severus Snape costume.  Dean stood dumfounded for a few seconds before Cas clearing his throat broke through to him. “Geez, Sam…great costume!”

Sam reached out and hugged Dean tightly, surprising both his brother and brother in law. “I just…you’re right…it’s time.”

“Damn right, bitch!”

“Don’t push it, jerk”

Dean laughed, it was hard to take everything to seriously when Sam looked like a somber wizard and he and Cas were skeleton’s, “Time to eat.”

*****

As dark settled on the bunker, Dean, Cas and Sam readied the doorway of the bunker, turning on the orange light strings and putting candy into big bowls to hand out. Dean had insisted on getting bags and bags of candy, not wanting to have to turn away anyone empty handed, though none of them were sure if they would get even one trick or treater.  Cas insisted on a chair for Dean who’s back had begun to bother him a bit after standing a long time. They had covered it with cobwebs so it would look like part of the scene which also consisted of ghosts suspended from the railing above the bunker doorway and tons of cobwebs and the door decorated like a monster with large yellow eyes and a mouth full of sharp teeth. Dean wanted it scary but not so scary that little ones wouldn’t want to come up and get a treat.

The first kids, well families really, began to show about seven and Cas finally got to see trick or treating in action. It was pretty steady all night with people introducing themselves and Dean, Cas and Sam shaking hands and saying hello as well. They scared a few big kids when it was appropriate and laughed at them when they timidly took their candy in pillow cases, dressed at hippies, zombies and gypsies. Dean got down eye level with his share of tiny princesses, ninjas, Captain America’s and Black Widows. He paid special attention to the batman’s and Cat Woman’s his personal favorite, while Cas fawned over the angels though Dean had to stop him several times and tell him to let go of explaining what an angel would really look like.

 Steven’s family came by and Steven gave Dean a big hug around his leg. Amy introduced her husband and he and Dean spent some time talking about Dean being a carrier, and how he didn’t fit the type, etc. He left Steven’s dad with the advice to just let Steven be who he was and love him, not to pressure him into being any “type” of person. Cas had kept his hand on the small of Dean’s back in support when Dean explained that his father had never known he was a carrier and that if he had, he would not have been happy. Dean encouraged Steven’s dad, not to be that kind of father. He may have teared up a bit, but Cas whispered in his ear that he was proud of Dean and that helped a bit.

The highlight of the evening was when a little girl dressed as Merida pointed her bow and arrow at Dean and demanded he spit out the baby he swallowed. Dean and Cas tried to reassure her, as did her mother, that he had not swallowed the baby. Dean was floored when Cas pulled out his wallet and produced an ultrasound picture of the baby growing in Dean’s belly, finally believing them because her Mama had a picture of her like that. When Dean questioned Cas he answered, “Of course I have a picture of our baby in my wallet, it is customary isn’t it?” Dean kissed Cas until he smudged their makeup that time.

*****

When the last of the trick or treaters had come and gone, they turned off all of the holiday lights and locked up the bunker for the night. The three settled down in the living room to watch whatever Halloween shows they could find on TV until Sam gave up and headed for bed. Cas pulled Dean up off the couch and they walked hand in hand, fingers threaded to their room for the night.

As the door shut behind them, Cas backed Dean up to the bed and began to remove their clothing. He kissed Dean, powering his way in to his mouth searching with his tongue and moaning as he tasted the essence of Dean combined with the hint of sugar from all the candy Dean had eaten. “What was that for?” Dean panted as Cas let him come up for a breath.

“For every time I saw your perfectly firm, round ass when you bent over to those little princesses.” Cas kissed his husband again with more fervor, cupping the back of his head and holding Dean where he wanted him. “And that was for all the times you introduced me as your husband Cas Winchester, I could listen to that forever.” Cas went in again, kissing Dean in the filthiest of ways and running his hands down Dean’s back to grab two handfuls of that firm ass. “That, my beloved, was for every time you laughed your beautiful laugh and scared those teens and for telling Steven’s dad to just love him.

“I love you, Dean Winchester and now I want to fuck you, do you want that?”

 Dean nodded and satisfied with the answer, Cas pulled off his own shirt before reaching for the hem of Dean’s. He pulled it up and over Dean’s head, trapping his arms, and leaned in to kiss one of Dean’s nipples. Caught off guard, Dean shouted in pleasure. Cas had always lavished attention to this very sensitive part of Dean, especially enjoyed it now that Dean was pregnant and even more responsive. He moved from one side of Dean’s chest to the other, licking, and sucking until Dean was a panting mess and bucking his hips forward. He pulled Dean’s shirt all the way off over his head and felt Dean’s hands immediately guide his mouth back to the over stimulated and swollen pink nubs. Cas laid Dean gently down on the bed and continued his mouthing, adding a thigh between Dean’s legs, giving his husband something to grind against to relieve the pressure of his arousal. He rose up, only long enough to get rid of all of his own clothing, then settled back on the bed and began to divest Dean of his pants. When he revealed that Dean was wearing a pair of his new underwear that resembled panties, Cas nearly lost his load then and there. He reached in the drawer of the bedside table and grabbed the lube, wasting no time in carefully prepping Dean for what they both wanted.

Cas lifted and opened Dean’s legs, moving the underwear, exposing his pink hole, and then took Dean’s rock hard cock in his mouth as he pushed his slick fingers in one at a time, only adding when Dean begged him. He made sure Dean was ready and then removed the tiny underwear, lined up and slid into Dean inch by inch groaning at the tight feel of his husband welcoming him into his body. Dean was already covered in a sheen of sweat and moaning soft sounds as Cas took him sweetly and rocked in and out, building a slow rhythm. As his cock brushed Dean’s prostate agonizingly slowly, Dean called out, “Fuck ,Cas. Feels so damn good.”

It wasn’t long before Dean was begging Cas, “Harder, Cas…please?…harder…”

Cas found it very had to refuse Dean what he wanted in bed, so he carefully increased the intensity of his hips snapping into Dean and soon Dean was arching his back and calling out, “Yes! Jesus, fuck, yes,” and coming in thick white ropes on his own belly and chest. Cas followed not a few strokes later, reverently panting Dean’s name, over and over until he grunted and spilled into his husband. He glanced down and saw that one of Dean’s nipples was covered in come, so he leaned in and gingerly sucked it clean, causing Dean to shudder deliciously. He carefully removed himself and wet a washcloth with warm water at the sink that was in the corner of their room. He cleaned up his sated husband and then himself, before climbing into their bed and spooning Dean tightly to his chest. Dean sighed and tipped his head back for a kiss, “If that is your idea of a Halloween treat, I’d ring your doorbell any day.” Cas waited until Dean’s breathing had evened out and then he let himself drift off with his arm protectively over Dean’s belly, thinking that if this was how Halloween ended, it might just be a worthwhile tradition after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm feeling motivated and would love to hear form you...


	12. Best Laid Plans...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean make plans for the next step in their pregnancy, and Sam has a great idea...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not extremely well edited...sorry...busy week...

Dean was lying in bed in only his underwear, reading his well worn copy of _What to Expect When You’re Carrying_. He was in his sixth month of pregnancy and was brushing up on what to lay ahead for his body  as the next few weeks passed. Cas was in pajama pants and a tshirt and was diligently rubbing cocoa butter lotion on Dean’s belly and chest. He took this job very seriously even though Dean had told Cas there was no proof the lotion prevented stretch marks. The baby liked it and moved a lot when Cas spoke to him or her through Dean’s belly, “There, Cas. Did you feel that?” Dean asked looking up over his book,” It was right under your hand that time.”

Cas pressed his hands against Dean’s belly and stilled…waiting. After a few moments, he smiled softly, “Not yet, but I’m sure I will soon, Dean.”

“Awww, I’m sorry Cas. The book says anytime now you can feel the movement from the outside,” Dean knew Cas felt a little left out, that’s why he let him put lotion on him every night. His belly was getting bigger every day and he had woken up more than once in the night with severe cramps in his calf muscles. Cas was so helpful and attentive, he would grab Dean’s foot and press his toes towards Dean’s body to end the cramp quickly. Most nights were fine and maybe Dean had one charlie horse; however, a couple of nights it had been so bad that Cas had to get Sam to help him. They gave Dean a glass of milk and a banana and rubbed his legs like the book said, but those nights had seemed endless.

At his latest appointment, Dean and Cas had to confront several more issues that Dean had really been putting off.  Dr. Qalla suggested that they sign up for a birthing class, telling them that education was the key to a happy and safe delivery. Dean bit the bullet and had read the chapter on birthing techniques so they could choose a class to attend. Dean had visions of being trapped in a room full of  hippie couples sitting in a circle singing, kumbaya.  

Though it was a little early, Dr. Qalla had also recommended a newborn care class, since they had no real experience with caring for a tiny infant. Neither Dean nor Cas needed to be reminded that at the end of all of this, they would have a live human counting on them for survival. Dean read all of the options aloud to Cas nightly as he massaged lotion onto his husband’s taut belly. 

Dean was pretty sure he wanted to do Lamaze and Cas just wanted Dean to pick what he was comfortable with.  Cas had expressed his gratitude to Dean for choosing a method that gave him an active role, and Dean knew Cas would be an awesome coach.  

Before either of them chickened out, Dean went on his laptop and signed them up for Lamaze which began next week. It would be an eight week class meeting at the birthing center in Mankato every Wednesday at 2 o’clock for two hours. He also went ahead and chose a newborn care class that was three weeks following the childbirth class but it was held at his local doctor’s office in their education room.

The biggest hurdle Dean had to face was that of breastfeeding or formula. His doctor had shared with him that he recommended breastfeeding to all his patients, for the health benefits as well as the emotional connection. He already knew Cas’ opinion and he agreed that everything he read supported breastfeeding as best for the baby, it was common sense really. He was a hormonal mess lately and had cried over this particular topic more than he cared to admit. He knew the logical answer was breastfeeding but he wasn’t sure he had it in him. It seemed so foreign a concept that his body would be equipped for the process, though truth be told, he had already been waking up with wet spots on his tshirts most mornings. Dr. Qalla said it wasn’t milk yet, but it sure made the whole issue all the more real to Dean. Cas was, well Cas, and supported Dean, telling him that the decision that was best for all of them would come to Dean in good time.

“Well, I signed us up for those Lamaze and baby classes, babe. We start next week. You still okay with that?” Dean asked as he closed his laptop and the carrying book. He had read enough info for one night.

“Sounds perfect, Dean. I’m about done here, want me to grab your pjs for you?’ Cas asked as he placed several kisses on Dean’s well moisturized bump.

“Sure, then help me up? I gotta pee before we go to sleep.” Cas stood by the edge of the bed and took Dean’s hands in his, pulling him to his feet before slipping a tshirt over his head and helping him step into his pajama pants. “Thanks, Cas. I’ll be right back,” he said as he actually felt Cas smirk at the slight waddle in his step.

*****

It was the morning of Dean and Cas’ first Lamaze class and Sam was under the impression that neither his brother, not his brother in law had gotten much sleep the night before. Cas was usually a little grumpy in the morning before his coffee, and Dean, well pregnant Dean, was a little slow to get started, but the two sullen men in front of him today were more grouchy than usual. He decided to test the waters, “Everything alright, you two?”

Both of them grumbled in response, but as Cas drained his coffee cup, he came out of his stupor to explain their dilemma. “Sorry for the lack of conversation this morning, Sam. Dean and I had an…interesting night.” Dean snorted over his bowl of maple and brown sugar oatmeal. “Dean seems to have developed some pain in his hip and laying down didn’t seem to be helpful at all. Neither did walking or sitting in the living room or taking a shower or-“

“Okay, Cas, I think he gets it,” Dean interrupted. “Yeah, thanks Cas. I get the picture,” Sam said as he patted Cas on the shoulder sympathetically.

He turned to Dean, “You alright, Dean? Any idea what it might be, the pain in your hip?”

“I’m not sure, but I think maybe a little sciatica, from what Cas read in the pregnancy book,” Dean answered. “It goes from my hip down my right leg and it is not fun.”

Sam offered, “You know if you need me to drive you to your class today, I would be glad to do it, that is if you are still going,”

“Thanks, but we finally got a couple hours in and I’m feeling better,” Dean answered as he peeled a banana. Cas nodded in agreement.

“Hey, I wanted to talk to you guys about something kind of important. You want me to wait or are you up to it?” Sam decided to gingerly approach the subject he had given so much thought.

“What is it man?” Dean held his face in that concerned look that Sam was hoping to avoid, Cas was not far off that look himself.

“Well, maybe this isn’t my place, but Dean you are visibly pregnant now, and starting birth classes. Don’t you think it’s time to tell everyone? I mean only Bobby and Jody know and I think Ellen may be pissed if we don’t tell her soon, not to mention Charlie,” Sam offered his advice hoping Dean and Cas would be open to it.

“Oh God, Sam, I’m barely used to the idea myself, I don’t know, Cas? What do you think?” Dean groaned.

“I think I have to agree with Sam, Dean. Our friends are more like family and I know it was important to wait a while when you were so sick, but you are beginning your third trimester and if you ran into any of them or if they came here and surprised you…”

Dean groaned again, “You’re right, you’re right…I just…it’s not that I don’t want them to know or that I’m not happy …” Sam watched Dean look softly at Cas as if he were afraid he was offending him somehow. Cas returned the look somehow conveying that he understood. Sam was really in awe of the relationship and love that had developed between his brother and Cas.

Sam made up his mind to reveal his plan, breaking the silence and hopefully the tension, “So get this, Thanksgiving is coming up and no one but Bobby and Jody have been here since the wedding. Why don’t we host dinner here and you guys can share your news with everyone that can come? What do you think?”

Dean looked a little shell shocked, but Cas looked pleased. Dean responded, “That’s only two weeks from tomorrow! Is it too late to invite people for a holiday?”

Sam smirked and shot back, “What are you, Emily Post all of a sudden?” Cas looked confused and Sam explained the reference. 

“Dean, people must suspect something, we are not usually so cut off from everyone. You and Cas are always on road trips, and for months we have kept to ourselves, though I am sure no one would guess this news as the reason,” Sam laughed, but then cleared his throat when he saw Dean’s bitch face. “You have to admit it would be like pulling the band aid off quickly.” Dean locked eyes with Cas again and in that intimate way, the two of them communicated without speaking.

After small mutual nods, Dean agreed to host Thanksgiving and Cas grinned from ear to ear. It was clear that Cas was excited to share Dean’s pregnancy with their friends. Sam said he would take care of inviting people if Dean would spearhead the food department. Cas expressed worries about Dean doing too much work and Dean rolled his eyes saying that people would volunteer to come early and help, he was sure of it. Cas seemed satisfied, and then reminded Dean that they had to get ready for their class.

Sam couldn’t help but notice the little pep in Cas’ step as they headed off to shower.

*****

Dean and Cas headed into the birthing center dressed in comfortable, loose fitting clothes, loaded down with their required pillows and optional snack bag. As far as Dean was concerned, the snacks were not optional and lucky for him Cas agreed and packed a doozey of a bag for them. Cas also had a notebook, pens and pencils, highlighters and post it notes in their bag. That sealed it for Dean, Cas had been a nerdy angel, though he was his nerdy angel.

There were four other carrier couples and an instructor in the classroom; Dean and Cas were the last to arrive.  The instructor introduced herself as Jenny and had each couple sign in and took payments from those who had not paid online ahead of time.  Each couple received a textbook, and a course outline for the eight sessions. Tonight’s topics were: Getting to Know You, and The Stages of Pregnancy and your Developing Child.

Dean looked around the room, eyeballing the other couples while Cas organized the pillows and all his nerdy note taking supplies. If he was honest, they weren’t all hippies, but at least one couple was. He and Cas were the only couple, in Dean’s opinion, that didn’t have an obvious carrier, other than the baby belly of course. There were a couple of twinks with obvious dominant partners, body language giving the relationship roles away.

As they settled on the carpet with their pillows, great idea for pregnant people, Jenny told the class about herself and then gave each couple the opportunity to talk about themselves. “Why don’t we all tell each other a little bit about ourselves? Maybe about how long you’ve been together, if you have other children or maybe how long you’ve been trying for a family.”

Dean’s mouth went instantly dry. He hated sharing and caring talks ever since the virginity club where he over shared and Sam had never let him live it down. He was not here for chick flick moments, but to “educate himself” about how he was going to survive childbirth. Hell, they hadn’t even “tried” for a family; it had fallen in their laps. Oh, he was happy now, but they were the least typical looking couple in the room and Dean was pretty sure that they had the weirdest story to tell. He just imagined spouting off, _Hey, I’m Dean Winchester, ex supernatural hunter, and this is my husband Castiel, fallen angel of the Lord. I wasn’t born a carrier, by the way, Cain the originator of murder left me with a mark that popped a uterus in me!_ Yeah, that would go over well.

Sure enough, each couple spouted off for about five minutes about their undying love for each other and how wonderful their little families were. Some even broke down and teared up during their talk which made Dean roll his eyes aggressively, he couldn’t help it. Dean tried desperately to silently convey to Cas that he wasn’t going to share their personal shit with these yahoos. Unfortunately, Cas was so genuinely enthralled with all of the couples stories, he did not look at Dean to catch his brain waves. When it was their turn, Cas deferred to Dean with bright blue, expectant eyes. It was in that moment he knew his husband expected more of a talk than Dean intended to give. He would have to explain later. Dean introduced them as Dean and Cas Winchester and stopped after telling the group this was their first child. He smiled nervously, and looked at Cas only to find a look of deep hurt hidden behind what others would see as a supportive smile. Dean knew differently, his lack of enthusiasm and detail in his introduction of them to the other couples had clearly upset his husband.

The rest of class went by fairly quickly. The couples relaxed into each other’s arms on the floor with their pillows and learned about the three trimesters of pregnancy and how their babies developed during each stage. The couples minus Cas and Dean. Dean’s hip was hurting again, the floor not being a friend to him and the subject matter at hand had him sweating bullets. Cas offered to let Dean lean back on him, but Dean chose to sit up straighter, unwittingly rejecting Cas further.  Cas took furious notes and highlighted in their book while Dean ate his way through class. He listened and had to admit that as the class went on it was comforting to learn about what was happening to his body. As class ended, Cas helped Dean up off the floor and gathered their things, saying goodbye to the other couples and the teacher. Dean swore Cas got sympathetic looks from the other coaches. The drive back was quiet though Dean thought he heard Cas sigh a few times.

When they got home, Sam met them at the door and was shocked when Cas pushed right past him heading for his and Dean’s room. Dean sheepishly followed carrying their pillows back to their bed. Sam followed and asked, “What happened? Was it that bad?”

Dean answered, exasperation in his voice, “It was fine, Sam. We learned a lot, didn’t we Cas?”

Cas didn’t answer, but walked out of the room and headed for the living room. Something seemed to click in Sam’s brain and he gave Dean a look before following Cas out. Dean followed them both out as Sam was talking with his husband, “Cas man, what’s the matter? Did something happen?”

Cas turned and where Dean expected to see sadness, he saw anger. “No Sam, nothing happened. The other husbands all introduced their spouses and talked about themselves and how proud they were to be having a family, but apparently I’m nothing to be proud of because your brother summed our lives up in two sentences.” The crack in his voice on the last words told the real truth. Cas was really hurt and Dean knew it was because of him. He attempted to continue but his chin quivered and he turned away from them to face the empty room. He spoke quietly when he was finally able, “I’m sorry, Dean. I’m sorry that you don’t want this to be happening. I thought you had come to terms with it. I’m sorry I’m not good enough… that you don’t want to tell people that we are happy and excited to have our baby.”

Dean was stunned. He couldn’t move. He didn’t feel that way, he just wasn’t into sharing aloud. What he had with Cas was theirs, he didn’t feel the need to announce it to strangers, but clearly Cas had thought Dean didn’t say anything because he wasn’t happy with him. As Cas’ shoulder’s began to shake, Dean sucked in a sharp breath. Sam glared at Dean and motioned to Cas before stomping angrily from the room.

Dean approached Cas and put a hand on his shoulder, causing him to startle and pull away. “Don’t, Dean, it’s fine. I understand, you never wanted this-“

“Hey, babe, hey…I’m sorry.” He pulled Cas back against his chest. “Cas, I should have said more, but I’m not a good sharer, man. That doesn’t mean I’m not happy or that I’m not proud of you, of us.” He turned Cas around and pulled him into his arms, tucking his head into his neck. Cas allowed himself to be pulled stiffly into Dean’s arms, he never relaxed into the hug.

“Oh it’s okay to hold me now, but not in class?” Cas raised as eyebrow and pushed his way out of Dean’s arms and left him in the living room, alone.  

*****

Cas went to the bathroom and ran one of the tubs full of hot water and bubble bath. He climbed in and thought about what had happened at class earlier. Cas had been excited to get to class with Dean, though he knew his husband did not completely share his enthusiasm. To counter balance how Dean felt, Cas packed him a huge snack bag and all Dean’s favorite pillows. They arrived and settled down on the floor, he knew Dean’s hip couldn’t handle the floor too long, so Cas gave Dean all the pillows for support.  He looked around the room and thought all the couples seemed nice, though there seemed to be one of the hippie couples Dean had predicted.

As they introduced themselves, Cas listened intently. They all had such lovely things to say about their spouses or significant others, but nothing compared to the love and profound bond that he shared with Dean. He couldn’t wait to hear how Dean would tell their story. He looked to Dean when it was their turn and could not believe his ears when Dean told everyone their names and that this was their first child. Cas waited and then felt his face heat up when he realized Dean was done. He could tell Dean was nervous, but he also felt the eyes of the others upon him at the lack of affectionate words from his husband. He moved to sit with Dean against the pillows but Dean just moved over so they were still sitting side by side while the other couples were cuddling. Cas felt ill, he had thought Dean was past being self conscious about their relationship and the baby. He threw his nervous energy into note taking to keep his mind from wondering back to the pit in his stomach.

When the teacher was done, He helped Dean up off the floor, he could tell his hip was sore. He gathered the book and his note taking supplies, shoving them in the now empty snack bag, grabbed the pillows and they quickly headed out to the car. He leaned his head against the window and remained silent for most of the ride to the bunker.

Dean looked surprised when Cas confronted him about his behavior at class. Cas was tired of Dean’s bullshit. They had worked past this months ago; at least it felt like months ago. He knew Dean had struggled with the whole concept of suddenly being a carrier and a parent, but Cas could only put up with being embarrassed so many times. Dean had been so eager to hug him in the living room, but what about at the birthing center when they were in front of all the other couples. Cas had felt so rejected by Dean, so distanced and unwanted. It wasn’t fair. Cas was hiding in the tub, and he hoped Dean knew it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to leave it here, but it was getting too long. I am not making Dean out to be a meanie to Cas. Dean loves Cas more than anything, but he is a mess and between telling their friends and facing the facts about childbirth in class, he is frazzled and poor Cas bears the brunt. Cas is trying to walk the line between understanding Dean and not letting himself be a door mat. He knows Dean loves him, but he is just as nervous as Dean and needs to be supported as well. 
> 
> Don't worry, you know I will fix it. These two will always end up happy but there have to be a few bumps or how do you know how good it is, right?
> 
> I will beg for feedback...beg I tell you...need the motivation...


	13. Tough Love and Peace Offerings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean gets a dose of tough love, Sam settles a sauce issue, and Dean makes amends to Cas.

Though his husband may have been human for only a short time in comparison the the millennia he had been an angel, he had certainly perfected how to give the cold shoulder and a good guilt trip simultaneously.  It had been three days since the catastrophe at class which caused Cas to lock himself in the bathroom to avoid Dean. Since then, Cas had been distant but courteous. Dean almost wished Cas had been pissed enough to completely ignore him, but instead, his husband had answered every question Dean asked, eaten every meal Dean had prepared, helped with the planning of Thanksgiving dinner, and crawled into their bed every night. He did not however, initiate any conversation of his own other than to make sure Dean was physically well, nor did he rub lotion on Dean’s belly at night. The most hurtful part of Cas’ distance was the fact that when he did crawl into their bed at night, he stayed completely to one side and away from Dean.

It was painful the first day, but Dean hoped that if he gave Cas his space and didn’t try to press his luck, his husband might find it in his heart to release him from the time out he had put him in. So far his theory had failed as miserably as the very introduction that had gotten him in trouble to begin with.  Now on the third night Dean found himself on the edge of tears and alone on one half of the memory foam mattress. He knew he had to do something to fix this, but he didn’t want Cas to think it was just because Dean selfishly wanted Cas back or because they had guests coming in four days, not to mention another birthing class to attend. Dean wanted to fix it because Cas deserved it, plain and simple.

When Cas crawled into bed, Dean waited to see if maybe it would be over and Cas would pull him to his chest like he had done before Dean fucked up. When he didn’t, Dean broke. He could not spend one more night without feeling Cas touch him, or being able to nuzzle into Cas hair when he woke up in the night as he so often did now that the baby was moving so much. He turned over, not an easy feat at this point and spoke softly, “Cas, babe…talk to me. Tell me what you’re thinking, so I can try to make it better, please?” Dean almost put a hand on his shoulder, but pulled back just as Cas released a loud sigh.

Cas answered tersely, “If I have to tell you what I’m thinking, we are in more trouble than I thought.”

Dean felt himself tear up like he had been smacked, damn hormones, “Cas, I’m sorry I was such a selfish asshole. I put my feelings over yours, again. It’s not fair and I know it,” Dean apologized.

Cas turned to Dean, eyes wet with his own sadness, “That’s not what worries me Dean. I understand your decision making can be off at times, you’re going through so much, physically and mentally. I am aware that this is very hard for you…I mean that.”

Dean reached out to take one of Cas’ hands in his only to have Cas raise his hand indicating for Dean to stop.  “Dean I am worried that your first thought is to close off within yourself and to not include me. We talked about this three months ago and I thought we had settled it. But here we are again and at the next hurdle we have to face, you leave me out again, literally. Dean I was in front of all of those people too, and I felt like an idiot. All you had to do was pull me aside and tell me you were uncomfortable. I would have understood and supported your decision; it would have been our decision. Instead I left there with people thinking we are not really together, because clearly we weren’t.”

Dean covered his face with his hands and damn if he couldn’t stop the tears, “I’m sorry Cas.  I’m sorry, you deserve so much better than me. I’m not good at this, I fuck up everything.”

“Dean Winchester! Look at me!” Cas growled brusquely, reaching a hand under Dean’s chin and forcing it up. When their eyes met, Cas’ look softened and he spoke much more gently, “I don’t want to hear you talk that way about yourself anymore. None of that is true. I would not want anyone else to spend my humanity with…just you.” Dean watched as Cas closed his eyes for a few seconds and then took a deep breath before continuing. It seemed to Dean that Cas was reaching deep within himself for some sort of strength or resolve before he spoke quickly almost as if afraid of the answer he might get, “I just need to know once and for all Dean, do you love me enough to make this work? Do you want to have our baby together? And not just when we are at home and it is easy, but out there when it gets tough.  If you don’t, I will go and you can do this yourself with the rest of your family. I love you enough to give that to you if that is what you need to be happy, to raise our baby in a happy home. I need that for you and the baby. I can’t be a part of continuing the cycle of an unhappy childhood for anyone, least of all for you, Love.”

“Cas, what the fuck are you talking about? You can’t … I’m not unhappy with you…I don’t want you to go!” Dean was practically hyperventilating at the thought of being without Cas.

“Then include me when you are struggling, and I won’t! Tell me that you want to have out family together and I won’t ever ask you again, but I need to hear it and I need you to mean it. I’m tired Dean, I’m tired and I’m sorry I am tired, but as hard as this is for you, how hard do you think it is for me to see you go through it and think that I can’t help you and only because you won’t let me!” Cas was visibly shaking and nearly shouted the last of what he conveyed to Dean. “When I only answered you and kept to myself… that was to show you how it feels to me when you shut down and stop communicating.”

Dean opened his mouth to answer and then shut it in shock. It had never been so evident to Dean that his actions had consequences. Pissing off his father had consequences he would never forget, blowing a hunt left scars, choosing people to be in his life had caused heartache and ended up with losing Cassie and giving up Lisa and Ben, but he had ever loved anyone or anything like he loved Cas and he would not give him up willingly. He thought for a long time about what Cas said before answering. He thought about Cas understanding that Dean was going through something difficult, life altering in fact, but he could not believe that he had never realized how hard it was for Cas to watch Dean go through it. He put himself in Cas’ shoes and thought about when they found out about the pregnancy, the horrible sickness and hospital time and now the reality that soon Dean would have to go through the delivery process. How would he feel if it were Cas going through the motions of the pregnancy and what if Cas had shut him out? It was like a light bulb switched on and Dean grabbed Cas, startling him and pulling him close, “I love you Cas. I love you and I need you, but mostly I want you. I want this family but only with you. I’ve said that before, but I’m saying it now loud and clear.  I was selfish before, maybe not on purpose, but a selfish asshole none the less. I need and want this to be us, not me. This would all be meaningless without you, do you understand that? I will do better by you, Cas. I get it, and I should have gotten it before.”

Cas melted into Dean as he finished and he exhaled loudly as if he had been holding his breath. He pulled himself closer to Dean and buried his face in his husband’s neck. “Thank you, Dean. Thank you. I want you too…I want you…” and then Cas, six foot tall, lithe and strong, former angel of the Lord dissolved into tears. He cried silently at first, body  quietly wracked with sobs, eventually relaxing enough to genuinely cry out the tension of the last few days. Dean held him and for once stowed his shit, just letting Cas have the relief of emotions held in so tightly. In that very moment, he swore to himself that whatever happened they would be a team, that he would never be the cause of Cas’ pain again. 

*****

The next few days Sam watched as his family returned to _normal,_ andby that he meant nothing normal at all. Cas and Dean must have come to some sort of agreement and had it out sometime because slowly the touches returned and the babes and the loves in the conversations, but mostly the eye fucking across the room or the grocery aisle. The worst part was that this time it was more like _eye love making_ than eye fucking. There was a tenderness in the silence that had been missing for awhile. Cas was attentive, but so was Dean and it brought back a balance to life at the bunker. If it wasn’t such a great feeling watching Dean and Cas develop into a family from a couple, Sam would have hidden until it was all over.

The three of them were currently a town over at the store they used for big grocery shopping, not the small store in town they used for odds and ends. They had a massive list for Thanksgiving dinner and both Sam and Cas were pushing carts filled with two turkeys, bags of potatoes, tons of fresh fruits and vegetables and all the other basics needed for a huge family dinner. Neither Dean or Cas had been afraid to give their opinions about the choices being made, leading Sam to believe that the private agreement they had come to must have been about communication.

At the present time he was stuck between two grown men who were acting like petulant children, arguing over canned or homemade cranberry sauce. Cas insisted that if they were doing everything else homemade then the cranberry sauce should be included as well. Dean preferred the canned stuff like they had always had in the diners where they spent their random holidays. Finally Sam broke in and said, “Jesus, it’s just fucking cranberry sauce. Is it really worth fighting over?” Both men looked at him taken aback.

The next minute they were wrapped around each other offering the other the cranberry sauce they had been so vehemently against just seconds before. Dean Winchester, former and sometimes still ,but not while pregnant hunter, actually said these words publicly in a grocery store, “Babe if it’s that important to you we’ll make the homemade kind, I just want you to be happy. I’m sorry if I didn’t listen before.”  As if that didn’t blow Sam’s mind enough, Castiel, former angel of the Lord, smiter of all evil, answered with, “If we are making this dinner special to announce the coming arrival of our first born, I think the homemade is really the way to go, but if you want the canned sauce I want it too, okay Lovebug?”

After gagging, and while glaring at both of them, he asked, “What’s stopping you love sick puppies form having both? It’s not rocket science…just a side dish, holy shit.”

*****

Childbirth class had been moved to Tuesday because Jenny needed time on Wednesday to get ready for her family’s holiday. It worked out well because Dean, Cas and Sam were expecting their guests on Wednesday and would have had to cancel anyway. Dean had worried all week about how badly he had blown it last time and had told Cas he wanted to ask for a chance to reintroduce them to the class. Cas insisted that he did not need to do that and would prefer he didn’t but he knew Dean really wanted to make it up to him and would probably find a way to do just that. Cas smiled through all their little chores for Thanksgiving knowing Dean was plotting to make it up to Cas in class.

Cas noticed that Dean was much happier to go to class as they packed the impala with their shopping bag of pillows, class materials and the snack bag. He smiled at the loaves of pumpkin bread sticking out of the top of the bag that Dean had baked to share with the class. Dean even sang along to the music as they drove down the highway to Mankato and the birthing center. He leaned over and kissed Dean, who insisted on driving until his belly prevented otherwise, after Dean had reached across the seat and threaded their fingers together. “Learning about Lamaze philosophy tonight, right Babe?” Dean spoke loud enough so Cas could hear over the music. Cas nodded and smiled knowing Dean had read the class outline enough to know what was happening. He was sure, though that his well meaning husband had not read far enough to know they were going to see three examples of labor films tonight or he might not be so chipper, but Cas appreciated the effort anyway.

It turned out that there was a new couple joining their class so an excuse to reintroduce himself and Cas presented itself. Jenny started on the opposite side of the room and it ended up that Dean and Cas were the last to introduce themselves. Before any of them started, Jenny was sure to announce that no one had to speak or share if they didn’t want to, and Dean knew that was directed at him.  Dean took Cas’ hand in his as each carrier spoke about their partner. He looked into his husband’s eyes trying to convey how much he loved him and the warm smile that Cas returned gave Dean the reassurance he needed.

When Jenny nodded to Dean, he began to speak, “Hey, I’m Dean Winchester, some of you may remember me as the douchebag from last week. I’d like to start by apologizing for that, for chomping my way through class and not being serious about everything.” Dean heard a few chuckles, mostly from the coaches and felt the tension in the room release. He pulled Cas’ hand to his lips and kissed it. “This is Cas Winchester, my husband. It always feels so good to say that. We’ve been friends for a long time, but together for only around three years. He married me just over a year ago and the only regret I have is that we didn’t do it sooner. As you can imagine, I’m mostly responsible for that, too.” Cas smiled at him and wrinkled his nose. “I was already about twelve weeks along when we found out I was pregnant, I got pretty sick and thought I had cancer or something,  tried pretty hard to hide it from Cas, see a pattern developing here? Funny thing is, we didn’t know I was a carrier, so It was quite a surprise for both of us. Cas has been incredible. I got diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidarum, spent three weeks in the birthing center with Cas taking great care of me. Let’s just say a diaper change will be no big deal for us when it comes time. Dr. Qalla though, he’s a good guy and we are on the right track, now. We are hosting our family, or friends really, family is mostly gone now, besides my brother Sam…so they are coming for Thanksgiving and we are going to tell them about the baby. Right, babe?  Anyway, we are the Winchesters and I love this guy and we can’t wait to meet this little guy or gal…” Dean’s voice broke a little as he rubbed his belly. Cas squeezed his hand and went to kiss his cheek, only Dean turned his face and offered his lips instead.  Cas kissed Dean warmly and then whispered in his ear. Dean cleared his throat and said, “I almost forgot, I brought pumpkin bread as a peace offering.”

They spent the remainder of class with Dean leaning back against Cas who leaned against the wall on the pillows they had brought. True to what Cas thought, Dean was not aware of the movies and after the initial lecture on Lamaze philosophy, they watched it in action, three times. Well, Cas watched. Dean mostly hid his face in Cas’ neck while his husband reassured he would watch for both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for no smut, but I don't like to force it and in my mind, Dean has more important things to focus on than sex in this chapter


	14. Time to Spill the Beans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas prepare to share their good news and a fair amount of smut. Dean makes a confession to Cas and there is a surprise holdout on the acceptance front...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a little longer than normal and you don't actually see Thanksgiving dinner, but the family is brought into the circle and that was really the whole point.

After class, Dean took Cas out for an early dinner. Once Dean managed to work through and clear his mind of the all too real labor scenes, he and Cas had a quiet, romantic hour before starting back for all of the baking that awaited Dean at the bunker. It was good to see Cas relaxed, smiling and laughing again; he certainly deserved it after all he had done to help Dean up until this point in the pregnancy. Greasy burgers and diners always reminded the two of them of the beginning of their relationship and all of the stolen moments before their admissions of feelings for one another to their family. It was fitting, they both thought, on the eve of their next big announcement to remind themselves of how they started and how far they had come. Dean drove them home with Cas belted in the middle seat leaning his head on Dean’ shoulder and one hand on Dean’s burgeoning belly.

Their evening was spent with Sam, baking breads: pumpkin, banana, nut, and cinnamon as well as starting the dough for dinner rolls to be baked on Thanksgiving.  They also pressed table linens and napkins they had picked up at Target to match their new tableware and serving dishes. Dean was an unabashed Pioneer Woman fan, he worshipped Rhee Drummond and Cas may have occasionally been a tad jealous of her but he and Dean had purchased nearly her entire line as part of their first anniversary gifts to one another. They had chosen dinner ware in gold and red tones with scalloped edges and flat bowls that almost resembled flower blossoms. They would be perfect for this fall holiday.  Dean and Cas unwrapped and admired all of the serving dishes that had yet to be used but would be christened on Thanksgiving.  Finally, tasks completed, they headed off to bed, bidding Sam good night, all three a little nervous of the next day’s reveal.

*****

Dean woke to the feel of little kicks. It was a sensation that he would admit had taken some getting used to, but now he loved the feeling of the baby moving and tried to help Cas feel it as well, to no avail. With the strength of the movements he was feeling tonight, he took a chance and pressed his belly to Cas’ back and waited. Sure enough their baby kicked and kicked, leaving Dean wondering if the baby responded to the feel of Cas’ warmth. The little thumps and bumps continued as Dean tried to stifle his giggles when Cas stirred a bit at the movements in his back.

He felt Cas stiffen and go still before turning his face toward Dean to say, “Love? Everything alright?”

“Yes, Cas,” Dean fought back laughter as he answered, “Everything is fine.”

Cas wrinkled brow deepened and he asked, “Then why are you poking me in the back? I’m trying to sleep.”

“You felt the pokes?” Dean asked knowing he was teasing his sleepy husband.

“Yes, Dean…I felt your pokes. Now can I go to sleep, please, or do you need something. We have a big day tomorrow with everyone coming and all the pies to make,” Cas asked yawning so hard Dean thought the top of his head might split off.

Dean smiled broadly and smirked, “I didn’t poke you, babe.” Cas looked confused in his drowsy state and then his face registered Dean’s words and it looked like a switch flipped. He turned over quickly planting both hands on the sides of Dean’s belly, while pressing his own flat belly against him as well. “Now be still,” Dean instructed and Cas complied, going angelically still and waited. Dean spoke to his belly and patted his hands opposite Cas’ and suddenly he felt movement. Cas’ eyebrows went right up and he looked pleasantly surprised before connecting eyes with Dean. The soft look in Cas’ eyes said it all and Dean covered his lips with tender, sweet kisses.

When they broke apart, Cas lowered himself and peppered Dean’s belly with kisses. “Hey Littlebug…I’m so glad to finally feel you move. You’re getting so big in your Daddy’s tummy. “

Dean felt himself blush as Cas spoke to their baby and he ran his fingers through Cas’ hair. They lay that way for quite some time, Cas talking to Dean’s stomach and laughing when the baby answered with a kick, or bop of a hand, who knew what was actually happening in there.  Eventually the kicks diminished and Cas pulled himself up face to face with Dean. He kissed Dean soundly but chastely and then yawned, saying, “Thank you for waking me up Love, that was wonderful. You can wake me up anytime, alright?”

“ Okay, babe…I love you, Cas. I can tell the baby loves you, too. The kicks were stronger when I pushed my belly against your back, you know,” Dean said as he returned Cas’ gentle kisses. Then Dean felt himself harden as they shared deeper, languid kisses and he pressed himself into Cas’ hip.

“Mmmmmmm, that poking is not the innocent kind,” Cas said as he ground his hip back against his husband’s hardness. He gently rolled Dean over on his back and as Dean welcomed him with open legs, Cas slid in between them, careful of his baby belly. “Am I right, Mr. Winchester?”

Dean breathed out against Cas’ mouth, “You are so right, Mr. Winchester.” Cas propped himself up on his elbows to avoid leaning too heavily on Dean, but just enough to slide their hard cocks against each other with each rock of his hips. Dean responded with soft moans and by slipping his hands into Cas’ flannel pants and kneading handfuls of Cas’ ass, pressing them closer on each stroke.

“I…I want you, babe…I know it’s late,” he panted into Cas’ ear between nips and sucks to his neck, “If you’re too tired or-“

Cas pulled back from Dean, interrupting, “Dean, Love, I’ll never be too tired to be with you, to make love to you…to make you feel good, alright?”

“Thank Christ, “ Dean laughed out as Cas flicked his hips forward, causing a deep growly, groan to erupt from his husband. “Oh Dean, Christ has nothing to do with it,” Cas smirked at his own joke. “How do you want me, sweetheart? What can I do to make you feel good…help you relax and fall asleep?”

Dean sucked in a sharp breath at Cas’ question. He answered quickly, knowing exactly what he wanted from his husband, “I want you…” he moaned as Cas nibbled at the skin behind his ear, “want you to fuck me, babe, please…from behind.”

Cas slid a hand under Dean’s shirt seeking his nipples and Dean cried out when Cas brushed his fingers over the sensitive nubs, coaxing them to harden and gently pinching when they responded. “Fuck, babe, please…” Dean begged in a whisper. Cas sat back and pulled Dean to a sitting position. He carefully pulled off Dean’s t shirt and then laid him back down on his back. He hooked his thumbs into Dean’s pajama pants and underwear and soon Dean found himself naked, hard and aching while his husband undressed in front of him. Dean ran a hand up and down Cas’ thighs as his husband straddled his hips and ground down to relieve some of the pressure for both of them. They shared more kisses and Dean urged Cas’ mouth to his chest. Cas lavished attention to Dean’s sensitive chest, drawing sweet and desperate sounds from his husband. Dean began to writhe beneath Cas and his truly magical tongue before pleading, “Cas…please…lube, now babe.”

Soon Cas had Dean on his hands and knees, just the way Dean wanted it and he felt the blunt head of Cas’ cock nudge gently at his extremely carefully prepped hole. He pressed back as Cas pressed in and they both moaned as he inched in to the tight heat. Dean didn’t wait long to encourage Cas and he rocked back helping build a fantastic rhythm towards their orgasms.

“Dean…Love,” Cas moaned into Dean’s ear, “So good, so so good. Is this okay, Dean, are you okay like this?” Dean could hear the concern in his hyper vigilant husband’s voice.

“Can’t talk when you fuck me this good, babe. Fuck, right there…” Dean nearly shouted as Cas nailed his prostate with every snap of his hips. Knowing Dean was feeling good sent Cas on a mission for Dean’s orgasm. He grabbed Dean’s hips and fucked him slowly. He dragged his cock across Dean’s prostate, placing wet kisses on Dean wherever he could reach, until Dean was a shaky mess and then he would snap his hips quickly a few times in a promise of relief only to slow back down again. Finally when he could barely hang on any longer himself, Cas threaded the fingers of one hand through one of Dean’s hands and the other around Dean’s dripping cock. “Close Dean, so close, need you to come, love…come.”

There was something about the deep gravel in Cas’ sex voice that combined with the rhythm of his hips and slide of his hand sent Dean over and he cried out loudly as he came in Cas’ fist and threw his head back. Cas followed after just a couple more strokes into Dean’s tight heat, stuttering as he pumped through his orgasm.

Cas carefully helped Dean onto his side and after a few minutes of relaxed and unhurried kisses, he climbed out of bed to get what he needed to clean Dean up for sleep. Then he slipped just Dean’s pj pants on, not bothering with underwear for the night, before slipping on his own. They settled together into a comfortable sleep with whispers of I love you and good night kisses and snuggles.

*****

A knock on the door the next morning woke Dean out of sleep and he walked over to the door to unlock it. They had learned after a couple of interruptions unwanted on either side of the door that it was better to be safe than sorry in that respect. Sam was occasionally a sleep walker and also during late night research for current hunters had once or twice seen things unseeable in his eagerness to have Cas point him in a better direction in the Lore books.

Dean opened the door wide, forgetting he was shirtless and Sam, caught off guard, smiled down at Dean’s belly as he told Dean, “I’m off to Kansas City to get everyone, you guys okay?”

“Why wouldn’t we be okay, Sam?” Dean asked rubbing an eye with one hand.

“Well, I meant more like are you ready, but I really wanted to just make sure you know that I’ll be here for you…for both of you. Not that I don’t think it will be great having everyone know…just that-“

“I get it Samantha, we love you too,” Dean answered, mocking Sam’s chick flick support, but then added, “No, I mean it. Thanks, Sam…for everything. You’ve been great and I know I’ve been a little touch and go with the tears and shit, but we’re happy and we are ready to celebrate with everyone. Let’s hope no one has a heart attack, right?” At that moment the baby kicked and Dean laughed and put a hand to his belly, feeling his face warm a bit as he suddenly realized he was without a shirt. “Jesus, Sam, didn’t mean to go all half monty on you.”

Sam returned Dean’s chuckle but Dean saw an affection in his look as Sam sheepishly inquired, “Is that…can I…I mean-“

“Oh, give me your fucking hand, Sam,” Dean groused, but was secretly thrilled as the baby continued to kick under the very spot Dean placed his brother’s hand.

“God Dean, that is just awesome. This whole thing is just…I’m really happy for you and Cas. Really happy.”  He withdrew his hand and turned to walk away, “And for what it’s worth and in the most non creepy way, you look great with that belly, Dean. You look better than you have in years, really.”

Dean snarked back, “Yeah I know, just ask Cas all about it.”

“Jesus, Dean! TMI and I said not creepy,” Sam shouted down the hall.

“Hey Sammy?” Dean called out.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks, bitch.”

“No sweat, jerk. See you by lunch time.”

Dean closed the door. Today was the big day.

Dean crawled back into bed and pulled himself close to Cas. He lay there listening to his husband breathe, still sound asleep and relaxed. He admired Cas’ upper body, Cas had taken to running with Sam and had that lithe runner’s physique. He could not help but nudge himself up against Cas’ thigh and was already becoming hard. They had always had an active, interesting sex life, but Dean found himself wanting Cas inside him constantly lately.  At first he thought it was because of their little argument after the first birth class, and Dean knew he couldn’t approach Cas, so he wanted what he couldn’t have, kinda thing. But as the days passed, he realized it was more than that. Dean Winchester was a horn dog, well more of a horn dog for Cas than usual. Like now he had hardened up just watching Cas breathe.

He rolled over and out of bed, letting Cas sleep and headed out to the showers. Maybe he’d rub one out and then start on the pies early. He grabbed clean underwear, jeans and a paternity henley that Cas had bought him a few of, the tight everywhere but the belly kind. He felt comfortable in them, they didn’t give the effect of being fat all over, just big where the baby was. He was letting the water pound on his back, which was beginning to feel the extra baby weight, when he heard movement in the bathroom. He felt the familiar touch of hands as Cas slid in behind him, blocking the spray. “Mornin’, Cas,” he said as he turned around and greeted him with a kiss. Cas went to bury his face in Dean’s neck when his hips bumped into Dean’s raging hard on.

“Well hello Dean…ready to go already. Didn’t we just take care of that a little while ago?” Cas teased.

There it was, Cas was over the whole fuck your fat pregnant husband. Of course Dean completely ignored the side of his brain that remembered how attentive Cas had been in the night and all of the sweet nothings he had shared about loving Deans new body.“Yeah, don’t worry about it Cas, I’ll take care of it. Guess I’m kind of a hormonal horn dog or something,” Dean said sheepishly, turning back around to hide his red face.

Cas pulled Dean’s back to his chest and surprised Dean by wrapping his hand around his cock and stroking slowly, “Well that makes two of us, and I don’t think my problem is hormones, Dean.”

“Oh…?” Dean answered as he lost himself in Cas’ touch.

Cas continued to stroke Dean’s cock adding a little body wash to reduce the friction, “Yes, you see Dean, the problem I have is physical but it’s you that makes me _horny_ as you say. Do you know that? Do you know what it does to me…this belly of yours?” he asked as he stroked him with one hand and feathered his fingers over the swell of his stomach.

Dean’s breath came in pants and he reached up around the back of Cas’ head to pull him in for a kiss before answering, “No…tell me…please…”

“I watch you walk around and see your belly getting bigger every day and I think…We made this happen…you and I, in our sweaty joyful moments, connected intimately, we made this happen.” Dean was now stepping up on his toes fucking into Cas’ fist and he loved it. Every third stroke Cas would add a twist that made Dean whimper. Cas' voice almost startled him as he continued to praise Dean’s body, “And that little waddle that you’re developing…it does such things to me, Dean,” Cas growled as Dean's orgasm slammed into him and he spilled into Cas’ hand as his husband gently held him and caressed him through the aftershocks.

When Dean came back to himself, he couldn’t help but feel his face heat when he remembered what Cas had said to him. Dean and Cas had engaged in a little dirty talk now and then, but the reverence of what Cas had said about his body, the very body Dean thought Cas may not want anymore, was enough to make Dean feel pleasantly awkward in the afterglow of his orgasm.

“Dean, why did you not wake me when you were aroused?” Cas asked in the awkward cadence his voice still took when he was concerned about something. He often fell back to that when he wasn’t sure if Dean would want to talk about an issue with him. Not waiting for an answer he continued, “Did you not think I would be willing to assist you with your need for relief or pleasure?”

“Jesus, Cas! Relax your voice, babe. I don’t think I ever want you to _assist me with my relief or pleasure,”_ Dean corrected Cas getting even redder by the minute.

“But you let me now, Dean? I don’t-“

“That’s not what I meant. You were just talking in that tone you get when you revert back to your old self before we were this,” he motioned between the two of them. “I didn’t ask you to help me because…I’m not sure if…” Dean hesitated; hunting for the right words, there’s a pun for you. Suddenly he just decided to let it rip, if he couldn’t confide in his spouse, then who? “Oh fuck it. I’m horny all the time lately, Cas. First I thought it was because we had a fight. You know how I get when you’re mad at me and we don’t do it for a few days…now I figured it out. I spend just about every moment of my day either wanting food or you to fuck me. There…I said it. I’m a hormonal starving sex pot. Happy, now, Cas?”

Cas looked stunned at first with water dripping down into his eyelashes and off his chin. Then he broke into one of his beautiful whole face smiles. The kind with the crinkly eyes, wrinkled up nose and gummy teeth all at once and he pulled Dean back to him, so their stomachs touched. He tilted his head the tiny bit he needed to so their eyes matched and with that same grin, said, “Yes, Dean I am happy. You make me very happy, my hormonal starving sex pot.” Then he pulled Dean into a tight hug and whispered in his deep, serious, smitey voice, “Don’t leave me out of any of it or else…” his breath and tone sending a delicious shiver right down Dean’s spine that was enough to bring on a shudder. Then he released Dean, shutting off the water and went about helping Dean out of the shower, acting as if he hadn’t said a word.

*****

Dean was a wreck, pacing in the room they called their living room, though it was really just an alcove of the map room that they had furnished with two couches, a recliner, coffee table and widescreen tv. Nothing Cas had done so far had made a dent in Dean’s nervousness, but he continued his attempts at comfort. Dean tried to reassure Cas, “Babe, I’m alright, I promise. I will be fine once we spill the beans.”

“Dean, they are your family, our family,” Cas said as he pulled Dean into a hug. He wrapped his arms around Dean’s waist and they both laughed as the baby broke the tension with a few bumps of Dean’s belly as if telling them to chill out. “Already running the show and not even born yet,” Dean said patting his stomach with affection. Cas bent over and kissed Dean’s bump, “Love you littlebug.”

“Dean, are you sure you don’t want to eat something. You’ve hardly eaten anything today,” Cas asked as he kissed Dean a few times on the face and lips.

Dean rolled his eyes, “Cas, I tried, you know I did. I just need to get past this…announcement. Then I’ll eat my weight in whatever how offer me, I swear, babe.”

As if on cue, they heard footsteps and voices from the stairway leading to the garage. Dean placed himself behind Cas, grabbing his hips, hiding his body and resting his forehead on Cas’ shoulder. “Hang on, Love…” Cas soothed, placing his hands over Dean’s.

Sam had gone to retrieve their friends from the airport in Kansas City. Everyone had agreed to meet there when Sam told them that Cas and Dean had an announcement and wanted them to arrive together so they would all find out at once. Of course, Bobby and Jody went along with the plan to be supportive, despite the fact that they already knew what was coming. Bobby had called Dean weekly for updates and had talked him through many a doubtful moment about the gathering. Now they all stood in the map room and Sam called out, “Dean, Cas? We’re here.”

Cas and Dean emerged from the living room awkwardly shuffling together to face their family. Ellen, Jo, Ash, Charlie, Kevin and Mrs. Tran, Garth and his wife, Bess, Bobby and Jody, and Rufus. They all looked puzzled when the couple did not approach them in greeting and Ellen broke the silence, tone almost abrupt, “Well boys, what’s the big news? You’ve got us where you want us.” Dean swallowed and there was an audible click in his dry mouth. Cas tightened his grip on Dean’s hands and turned to Dean as if to ask if he wanted Cas to do it instead of Dean like they had decided earlier. 

With a minute shake of his head, Dean answered and began to speak, “Hi guys, thanks for coming and spending Thanksgiving with us, Sam, Cas and I appreciate it. You all know that Cas and I have some news we want to share with you. It’s kind of big and we hope you are as happy as we are about it.” He smiled weakly, still behind Cas and blurted out, “Cas and I have decided to start a family!”

“I knew it!” Ellen shouted. Jo and Ash, you each owe me twenty bucks.” There were various cheers and supportive comments and the group started to approach. Cas held up a hand, “Wait, wait. There is a bit more yet to tell.” Their family stopped in their tracks and then Charlie asked with a teasing admonition, “Are you hiding a baby back there, Dean. Did you adopt or use a surrogate and keep it to yourselves? It’s okay, we know you guys are private, we don’t mind if you kept it to yourselves, we are here now, let us see the baby.” She was squealing by the end and she couldn’t help but move forward.

“Charlie, stop right there,” Cas said in a protective tone. His voice softened as he spoke to them, “We chose a more…traditional approach to becoming a family.” Puzzled looks plagued the faces of their visitors, except Bobby and Jody but no one was looking at them.

Ash took the lead and asked curiously, “How traditional?”

Cas felt Dean’s grip loosen and reached to pull Dean to his side as Dean stepped around his husband, revealing his baby belly.

“Holy fucking shit!” Jo said in a surprised whisper shout.

“Johanna Beth Harvelle! Watch your language,” Ellen called out, though neither she nor, anyone else made a move. Just as Dean thought the silence of all the unanswered questions would deafen him it broke and Ellen moved forward and grabbed Dean, saying, “Dean, you’re going to be a father!” She pulled Cas into the hug and soon they are all enveloped in one big group hug, much to Dean’s relief. He could sense his family had a shit ton of questions, but they had at least made the preliminary decision to support Cas and Dean, and accept the baby. Dean let out a breath he did not know he had been holding. So far so good.

The rowdy group ate lunch, chili with all the fixings and corn bread, around the map table and chatted to get caught up. Cas noticed that although initially receptive to the concept of Dean’s pregnancy, not one person besides Jody and Bobby asked any baby related questions of him or Dean. Both he and Dean answered those questions happily, so he could not understand why the others would not join in the conversation when it steered towards the topic. He sensed Dean’s growing discomfort with the situation, and although he did his best to put on a brave face, he could not fool Cas, or Sam for that matter. When dessert came out and Dean was too full for any, Cas had seen enough.

People had mouthfuls of brownie sundae when Cas started in on them. “I know my _people skills_ are rusty, but even I can see the elephant in the room, so let’s just get it out in the open. For starters, Dean has been eating very healthy lately for the baby and he has been waiting for this brownie sundae all week. The fact that he isn’t eating one is enough to tell me how he feels.”

“Don’t Cas, let it go,” Dean said eyes cast down at what he could see of his lap.

“I’m sorry Dean, I can’t. I can’t share our holiday with people who don’t support what this means to us. We’ve come too far in this and I won’t have you spend the weekend feeling like a side show, so we are going to have this out or people are going to be asked to leave our home.”

“Cas…” Dean nearly pleaded. Cas took one of Dean’s hands in his and was about to explain further when Sam spoke up.

“No, Cas is right, Dean.” He turned to the table and continued. “You can’t hug Dean and pretend to be okay with this but not talk about it. Dean and Cas are excited about being parents and hell, I am thrilled that I get to be an uncle. We are going to get to be on the good end of life for once and you’re not going to come in here and shit on it. So ask away and then make your peace or leave.” He physically moved his chair so that Cas was on one side of Dean and he was on the other. They each put an arm on Dean’s back and waited. Jody and Bobby moved to stand behind the three men and waited as well. Charlie got up without a word and stood next to Jody.

Rufus stood and walked over to stand next to Bobby, “If Bobby is okay, I’m okay.”

Garth looked at Dean and said honestly, “Dean, if you tell me everything is on the up and up, I got no room to argue. Geez Louise, you let me live as a werewolf, and let Bess here live, I’ll take your nod as your word.”Dean nodded at him and he and Bess joined the growing group of supporters. When Garth got up, Kevin took his mom's hand and they walked around the table as well.

Jo asked, “Is it human?” Dean flinched but Cas squinted and said, “Not it, he or she is human, yes.” Jo fell into place, leaving just Ash and Ellen on the other side of the table.  “Dean, it’s not that I don’t want to believe in you, but there is a lot of ugly in the world, and I know what you have done in the past to save your brother. You feel like a son to me and I know that Cas was a good angel most of the time, but angels in general were dicks and we all know that. I’m guessing you weren’t always a carrier or you would have talked about a family long before now. I’ll listen to your side if you tell me how everything went down. Then I will make my peace or leave as Sam said.”

Cas watched as Dean sat up a little straighter in his chair and lifted his chin like only Dean could. He squeezed Dean’s hand a little tighter as Dean spoke, “Alright, I’ll give you an explanation because you’ve been like family to me, but not because I think you’re entitled to it. It’s my choice to tell you how this came about.” Cas felt Sam’s arm tighten across Dean’s back in support of his brother. By the time Dean got to the hospital stay, Ash was on his side of the table with a pat to his shoulder and Ellen was wiping tears with her napkin and by the time he was finished, sniffles could be heard throughout the group, including Rufus, though he would probably deny it.

“I’m sorry, Dean. I should have trusted that having been invited here to be a part of this was explanation enough. You’ve never let me down before. I’d like to stay if that’s okay with you and Cas,” Ellen said genuinely.

“Of course you can stay, Ellen,” Cas said when Dean only managed a nod. “You and Jody are the closest the baby’s got to grandmothers, we’re counting on your support.” The look of true surprise in her eyes as he said that was enough to know that she was truly on board.

Dean cleared his throat and said, “If that’s settled, I think a need a few minutes before we start the pies. Excuse me for not helping clean up from lunch.”

Jody spoke up, “No problem Dean, Bobby and I will take care of this, you go on.” Everyone began to put chairs back and clear the dishes from the table as Dean pushed himself up from his seat and walked toward the hallway leading to the bedrooms. Cas followed nodding to Sam as a silent request for privacy. Cas knew Sam would be sure they weren’t bothered with showing people where they were staying just yet so he could make sure Dean was alright.

They made it to their room and Dean laid down on his side of the bed on his left side, pulling one knee up. He had learned in Lamaze class that this position offered optimum oxygen flow so Cas was worried that the pressure had been too much for Dean. He sat in the space Dean had left for him and leaned over to kiss Dean sweetly. Dean grabbed Cas’ shirt as the stress of the day got the better of him. Cas scooted Dean over a little more in the middle of the bed and held Dean as he cried, shoulders shaking silently. Every once in a while Dean would say something like, “Is it human? No for fucks sake I thought I’d be fine raising the spawn of satan with Cas. What the hell s that suppose to mean?” Then he would just get himself completely calmed down and the tears would begin again. He would get worked up and then spout off about insulting my husband saying angels are dicks, or something else that had been said. Finally Cas felt okay speaking, “You know Dean, if it were Sam who was pregnant by a fallen angel, you might be a little skeptical yourself. I think they did pretty well once pushed into saying their piece.”

Dean smiled for the first time, “Yeah ‘cause you went all badass angel on them, babe. I get the whole picture and really it went better than I thought, it was just so fucking stressful.” His voice caught on the last part of what he said and Cas leaned in to kiss him, lest he start crying again.

Cas stood and walked to the sink to get Dean a warm washcloth. He washed Dean’s face and then Dean sat up on the bed for a while. “Hey Cas, I love you babe. You were great today, I mean it. You and me, we make a great team.” Cas smiled and leaned in for a kiss just as there was a knock on the door.

“Dean, Cas…It’s me, Sam. Can I come in?”

“Sure, Sam. Come on in,” Dean answered, wiping his face with the cloth one final time before handing it back to Cas.

“Hey, guys. Just checking to make sure everything is okay. Should I let them make the pies while you take a nap or should they wait?”

“We’re good, man. You know I want to supervise the pie making. We’ll come out now,” Dean answered sounding a little more like Dean. “Hey Sammy…thanks, man…for the support today. It’s all good.”

“Good to hear, Dean and your welcome, Jerk. I’ll go tell them to wait.”

Dean got up and pulled Cas into a tight squeeze of a hug, grabbing his ass in the process. “I think I need a fucking brownie sundae, babe.”

“Of course you do, Love,” and they walked arm in arm to make pie, just an ex angel and his hormonal, starving sex pot.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, I do wish you would leave some feedback. I agonized over this chapter forever and a day...


	15. It Should Feel Like Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean is at a loss for how to plan and create a nursery. Cas has tried but it is Sam who accidentally comes to the rescue, with a gift that confirms an idea...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are getting so close. 
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks to my brillliantly talented daughter Mtothedestiel for another breathtaking piece of art. Sam's gift was just a thought until she made it come to life and it is just darling in every way.
> 
> I also was overdue in updating tags and added some more for the future while I was at it.

                                     

Nursery decorating was something Dean honestly never thought he would ever experience and at this point, he just couldn’t wrap his head around the enormity of the task. He had survived purgatory, started and stopped the apocalypse, survived the mark of Cain, and God’s sister, the darkness, but he wasn’t sure he would survive putting together a nursery for his own baby. At first he thought he could avoid the whole thing, and keep the baby in his and Cas’ room until he or she was old enough to give him some direction, but Cas kept bringing him the laptop with forty seven tabs open to all sorts of cute baby pages. He couldn’t let Cas down after putting up with him all these months, and he did want the baby to have a space of his or her own. He and Sam lost that when their mother died and Dean wanted his baby to have a home, a real home.

Dean was now officially ginormous at eight months pregnant, technically thirty five weeks, but who was counting at this point. His due date was looming at February 20, leaving them about four and a half weeks to throw together a nursery. Everyone wanted to send Dean and Cas baby things for Christmas but they had politely said they were not ready to cross that bridge yet. They had spent Christmas at home, they normally didn’t celebrate much except for a nice meal, but Sam had insisted they go all out this year and they even decorated a tree. It was just the three of them, but Dean had to admit that he, Cas and Sam had a really nice holiday. He even promised next year they would exchange gifts. So now it was official, they had nothing in their possession for the baby as of yet.

Cas was loading the dishwasher while Dean finished eating breakfast, as Sam came into the kitchen. He must have gotten in during the night. He had spent a week with Bobby, supposedly on a salt and burn, though Dean suspected otherwise. He just had a funny feeling. Sam had decided to go so quickly after not having hunted for all of Dean’s pregnancy, and he wouldn’t discuss any details of the hunt. Now he was back and instead of looking beat after a night of driving, he looked like the cat that ate the canary.

He patted Dean on the belly as he went to grab a bowl and spoon for cereal that was already on the table. “Hey, Dean. Hey Cas. How was everything while I was away? Alright?”

“Yep,” Dean replied. “We had a Harrison Ford movie marathon and I managed to somehow get even bigger than when you left. Right, Cas?”

“Dean, Love…” Cas sounded like he was getting a little exasperated, “You are supposed to get bigger every week until you deliver. It’s not a personal affront to you. The baby is supposed to grow the most now. Remember? We discussed this in class.”

Sam inserted himself into the conversation, “Speaking of class, last week was the end, right? Do you guys still practice your breathing and everything?”

“Yeah we are all done with the Lamaze class, now we go to three newborn classes, here in town though,  and maybe one breastfeeding class, I haven’t decided about that one yet,” Dean answered, then added with a tad of sarcasm, “And of course we practice, I’ve got teacher’s pet over there for a coach.” Dean waved his spoon in Cas’ direction as his husband rolled his eyes.

“You, my Lovebug will be very happy when I can coach you through your labor. I bet you won’t call me teacher’s pet then,” Cas retorted with a chaste kiss and rub of Dean’s round tummy. Dean held on to him for a minute and felt bad, he could tell Cas was a little offended, “I am glad, Cas. You listened for both of us, and I promised I would go to all the classes, even the breastfeeding one. I know babe.”

Cas smiled and kissed Dean on top of his head, “Thank you, Dean. At least then you can make a fully informed decision about how you want to feed the baby, right?”

Sam took the conversation in another direction, asking, “Have you given any more thought to a nursery plan?”

“We’ve been talking, but we haven’t gotten anywhere,” Cas answered pointing at Dean behind his back.

“Hey now, I know we have to get ready, I want to _be_ ready… It’s just so weird, planning a little room for someone who won’t even notice it. All that pastel fluffy shit, man I just can’t seem to do it, you know what I mean?” Dean asked his brother.

“No I don’t. What’s weird is having a baby and not having anywhere for it to sleep or keep its clothes. I mean, you don’t even have a car seat and…” Sam began to speak with renewed vigor, “who says it has to be pastel and fluffy? It can look like whatever you want.”

Cas piped in, almost like he and Sam might be holding a nursery intervention or something, like maybe that had been conspiring,  damn those pregnancy naps, “I agree with Sam, Dean. It doesn’t have to be pink or blue or even green or yellow like you’ve been thinking. It can be anything you want. It’s just a place for the baby to have a home base.” Now Dean was sure they had been talking, Cas would never say home base. That was Dean’s language about the bunker, Sam and he must have cooked up a plan.

“I had a nursery, do you remember it?” Sam asked shoveling cereal in his mouth. Dean stared at Sam for a few seconds before responding with a soft look on his face, “Yeah, I mean no, not what it looked like, but that it felt like…” Dean’s emotions began to well up into his eyes as he remembered the nursery.

Sam looked up and must have realized what he had said, “Jesus, Dean. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you. That was a stupid thing to ask you, man, don’t cry. I’m really sorry.” He reached over and grabbed Dean’s shoulder, giving it a squeeze.

Tears tipped over as he smiled and said, “No, Sam, it’s fine. I remember it felt like mom. It wasn’t so much about you as it was a place for her to be with you and I remember she used to sit in the rocker and sing to you. She would let me play there while she put you down for a nap. She must have nursed you and then she would put you in the crib. I remember her singing…it was nice.”

Cas hugged him from behind and kissed him on the cheek. Dean brushed his hand down his face wiping away the tears. “We need a room like that. I think I was just looking at it all wrong, it’s for us Cas, not really for the baby. But, hell our room has guns and machetes on the wall and that would not make a good nursery. Mom felt like home, it should feel like home.”

“What would make it feel like you and Cas, and home?” Sam asked sincerely. Cas had taken a seat next to Dean and was listening earnestly.

“I don’t know what home feels like anymore except the bunker. Hell we grew up in the impala, baby was our home, Sam.” The two brothers smiled at each other remembering all the years they travelled in Dean’s baby, their home on the road.

Cas’ voice pierced the moment when he asked, “Why can’t we have a baby themed nursery?”

“That’s the point, Cas. It will be a baby nursery,” Dean snorted.

“No Dean, I mean baby, the impala. You love baby, and if she was your home…why not a baby themed nursery. Wouldn’t that make you comfortable?” Cas clarified.

“Jesus, Dean. Cas is a genious. The impala is perfect,” Sam exclaimed. “I don’t know why we didn’t think of it before.”

“But the impala is black! Can you have a black nursery?” Dean wondered aloud.

“Why not? Dean, research shows that babies love the contrast of black and white and find it pleasant to look at,” Cas explained with a hopeful look in his eyes. “I think it would make a marvelous nursery.”

Sam suddenly looked very serious, “Dean, I wasn’t hunting with Bobby. I have to show you something. I can’t even believe this.  Go sit in the living room for a minute. This is fucking unreal, you too, Cas.”

“OOOkay,” Dean said as he pushed himself to his feet with a wince. He waddled out of the kitchen to make his way to the living room. He was really pushing the limits of the pregnancy clothes he was wearing. The t shirt was getting tight and the flannel would probably not have closed anymore. Cas helped him lower his body onto the couch.

Sam came from the bedroom wing and said, “I got this idea that I wanted to make you something and I told Bobby about it. He helped me with it and I can’t believe that I never…well never mind, just close your eyes and I know you said no baby presents, but I had to do this after I saw something like it online. Don’t be mad, okay? Just wait here. Don’t let him peek, Cas.” Sam sounded just like he did when he was about seven.

“What do you think it is, Cas?” Dean asked, he had to admit he was curious now.

“I don’t know, but close your eyes, Dean and don’t peek,” Cas admonished.

They waited, hearing Sam move into the room with something large enough to be awkward. He heard a noise that sounded like movement. Then Sam said, “Okay, open your eyes.” Sam stood nervously as he waited for their reaction.

Dean looked down and immediately choked back a sound that was half laugh, half sob. His hands reflexively covered his mouth when he saw what was in front of him. He couldn’t believe his eyes, it was a cradle, rocking back and forth…a shiny black cradle…an impala cradle. It was perfect. Dean was crying, then laughing and trying to stand. Cas, emotional himself, offered him a hand and pulled him to his feet. Dean made his way to Sam, who was also crying after seeing Dean’s reaction to his gift and the two held each other for some time.  Sam eventually pulled Cas in and then he began to laugh a little. “I didn’t expect that reaction,” he chuckled.

Dean turned to examine the beautiful piece of furniture. It was shaped like just like a regular cradle with slatted sides and two large rockers on the bottom. Only this cradle had a tiny Chevrolet Impala chrome grill and headlights on the front of it. The whole thing was covered in a black lacquer finish. It looked just like a mini impala and Dean could actually picture himself placing his sleeping baby in it and rocking it. “It’s fucking awesome, Sam, just fucking awesome. I can’t believe you made it. Thanks, man, I mean it.”

“It’s a beautiful gift, Sam, just beautiful,” Cas said emotional from the meaningful gift, but also from seeing Dean react to deeply to receiving it.  

“This seals it. We’re gonna make an impala nursery, alright, Cas?” Dean looked to his husband for confirmation. Cas nodded and smiled warmly back at him, “Alright, Dean.”

Later that morning Dean went to take a nap, he was taking a morning and afternoon nap, most days. He had Sam move the cradle into his and Cas’ room, he just couldn’t believe how great it looked. He was laying on his left side, breathing to relax himself(yes he actually practiced with and without Cas) and reaching out with his hand, rocking the little impala to the rhythm of his breaths. That’s where Cas found him.

Cas approached him quietly, smiling, Dean watched out of the corner of his eye. “Hey babe,” Dean said as Cas crawled onto the bed and spooned up behind him.

“You alright, Dean?” Cas asked, nuzzling the back of his neck and planting wet kisses there as well.

“Yeah, I’m good, I just can’t believe he made this for us, it is so perfect,” Dean said, still rocking the beautiful cradle.

Cas smoothed a hand over Dean’s expansive belly, “That it is, Dean…it is very you. But you know what is even more perfect?”

Leaning back on the pillow so he could see Cas, Dean answered, “No, what?”

Sighing a deep contented breath, Cas said softly, “Watching you rock it and knowing that soon you will rock our baby to sleep in it.” Dean smiled at the picture that his mind conjured up at Cas’ words.

“Sam and I did some looking online and there is a place in Wichita that helps you design a nursery. You meet with a designer and then they walk you through this warehouse and help you choose your furniture and then there is this second part where you pick out clothes and car seats and strollers and all the little things like bottles and  pacifiers and whatever else they say you need. Sam called it one stop shopping,” Cas explained. “Do you think you would want to go there and try to put the nursery together? I mean if you had the baby early we wouldn’t even have the stuff we need to diaper or feed him..or her.”

“Well technically we would only need diapers, I do actually have the equipment to feed the baby,” Dean chuckled. “Seriously though, I have been thinking about when Sam asked me about his nursery, and I remember mom in the rocker, singing…she was so happy and Sam was such a happy baby. I want that, Cas…I want…” He stopped unable to get the words out. Luckily Cas knew him so well that he knew exactly what Dean meant, “It’s okay to want that Dean, to want to connect like that. I think nursing the baby will be a great experience for you both.” Dean smiled as the baby moved and they both laughed at the visible movement within his enormous stomach.

“We better go to Wichita, babe, and soon,” Dean laughed as a pokey apart of their baby travelled back across his belly. “We have an appointment tomorrow at noon,” Cas smiled a gummy, wrinkly nose smile.

“Think you know me that well, do you?” Dean deadpanned.

“No, I _know_ I know you that well. Nap and then we’ll have lunch and I’ll show you the website…and Dean…I love you.”

 

“I love you too, Cas. I really mean it,” Dean returned as he kissed Cas loose and sweet…lovingly. He couldn’t imagine how their lives would change in a few short weeks. He was so glad it was the two of them against it all, and he needed to tell Cas more often.

 

   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I intended to plan the entire nursery and have Dean go into labor, but alas...those who have read me before know how I tend to drag things out near delivery time. I'd say I was sorry, but it would be a fib...


	16. Shop til You Drop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Cas take Dean on a road trip and they outfit the nursery for it's tiny occupant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A reference here to a very special someone who made me some beautiful art, you know who you are...
> 
> Thank you to palominopup for teaching me to do the photo stuff!!
> 
> A little prize for Obviousoption for picking up on the line I quoted from Babe at the end of chapter 5. You get to be a clerk as you suggested. I already had her written in my head and I don't know you to write her as you, so I just named her after you...hope you like!

The ride to Wichita required preparation. Cas and Sam insisted on filling the trunk with emergency supplies and the back seat with pillows, blankets, food and water. Dean thought it ridiculous, but let them do their thing. It wasn’t like he was in a position to fight them, or help even. He swore, many months ago, when he had finally accepted the fact that he was having a baby, that he would be a functioning member of the team till the end. Now here he sat, enormously pregnant, with no sense of balance or real usefulness for lifting tasks, in a chair at the map table while Cas and Sam scurried around him at the ungodly hour of seven in the morning(pregnancy had also clearly changed his idea of what was an ungodly hour), assembling what would be loaded into the Impala for the three hour trip to their appointment at the baby warehouse or whatever it was called.

He and Cas had spent quite a bit of time yesterday browsing the website and though Dean may never admit that, though let’s be honest with hormones raging he might, he actually enjoyed picking things out with Cas and was kind of excited to be going. They had an appointment with a woman named Hazel, which needled at Dean because wasn’t there a witch named Hazel somewhere? That earned his a huge eye roll and a warning not to spray holy water or spout Latin at anyone in the store when they got there. “I’ll be able to tell, Dean. Leave that to me when we get there,” Cas had insisted.

“This is a lot of shit to bring to one shopping trip, guys…” Dean began to complain the longer he waited. They had taken less crap with them for cross country hunts and made due along the way.

Sam snapped back but with no real bite, “We are not risking getting caught in a blizzard on the highway with you and no supplies for emergencies and, God forbid, no food or water. It’s three hours away Dean, across the plains, we are not taking any chances.”

“The weather is clear for the next two days, right Cas?” Dean asked as Cas piled two warm blankets on the table with the pillows from their bed. Dean thought it was sweet that Cas had chosen their pillows, he knew Dean preferred to use the one that smelled like Cas when he snuggled on the couch or in the recliner at night when he couldn’t sleep. Cas was always thoughtful like that to Dean. Cas caught him smiling and returned a little quirky lift of his mouth before piping in, “Sam is right, though Dean. We should be prepared. Plus you are going to need to relax in the back seat on your left side for a good portion of the ride both ways, blood clots are a risk when pregnant and sitting too long.”

“Well, Jesus aren’t you just the Good News Fairy, today!” Dean countered and then pouted while his brother and husband finished gathering the supplies for what now felt like a trip to the moon with all the risks Sam and Cas were talking about. “It’s true,” both of them barked at the same time. This was going to be a long trip.

In truth, Dean slept almost the entire way there with his head in Cas’ lap. They made it with just enough time to eat the picnic lunch Sam had packed. Of course Dean whined about a diner they had seen on the outskirts of the city and Cas told him there was a surprise later if he ate healthy at lunch. Starving, Dean gave in and ate the sandwich and salad Sam had packed them, also the oatmeal cookies with butterscotch chips for dessert.

They headed to the store, you couldn’t miss it, it was indeed a giant warehouse of a place, but had surprisingly few cars in the lot in comparison. Cas explained that you only came by appointment so the forty or so cars were probably all the store could handle at once. They were greeted on the way in by friendly store workers and given tags with their given names and the titles in relation to the baby. Dean was the one addressed and he felt himself beam at the attention which in any other setting may have made him uncomfortable. His tag said Dean/Daddy, Cas’ read Cas/Poppa and Dean took great care in having them correct if from Papa to Poppa. They had chosen the Poppa spelling after some time of Dean convincing Cas that it made it easier for the kid to shorten it to Pops when they were older and Dean just saw Cas a pops kind of dad. Sam’s tag of course was issued with Sam/Uncle.

They waited for a couple of minutes and then a large cart like you see in the airport for taking passengers who couldn’t walk appeared with  a fairly young woman driving it. You would almost say girl when you saw her except there was a maturity about her looks that instantly led you to think you were in good hands with her. She was petite with short funky hair, longer on top that looked casual but you knew she had made an effort to get it to do what it did. She wore red lipstick and bright blue metallic eyeliner that made her green eyes pop against her porcelain skin. She had on a vintage(at least he thought it looked like what Charlie called vintage) looking blouse and sweater, with a floral skirt, bright tights and boots that meant business, the tying kind…not fancy. In short, Dean thought she was adorable, what he would want his daughter to look like in twenty years, if he had one of course.

She hopped off the cart and asked, “Winchesters?”

“Dean answered almost incredulously, “You’re Hazel?” He had pictured a much less…

“Yes I am. You ready to get started? Hop on the cart, I’ll explain on the way.” Then she turned and walked back toward her vehicle leaving the boys to scramble after her, all a little mesmerized .

Their first stop was a small cubicle amidst several which appeared to be only used by Hazel for her consults. It was definitely her personality and there were sketches and photos all over one wall that had cork board for posting things easily. Hazel was friendly, but not chatty in an annoying way. She chose her words carefully but was quick and clever and Dean felt an affinity to her immediately. Cas must have seen it because he had his _aren’t you cute_ face on as he watched Hazel and Dean interact.

They spent the time at the cubicle discussing their idea for the nursery and Hazel sighed with what appeared to be relief. “You have no idea what it feels like to have you come in here and say you don’t want a pastel nursery. I can do those in my sleep, but they are so unsatisfying. I’m not getting my MFA in the hopes of creating pretty blue or pink rooms full of fluff, not that a little color or fluff isn’t good, but saturated colors and abstract concepts sure as hell make a more enjoyable space as far as I’m concerned. Hang on, this is gonna be a fun ride.”

When they showed her one of their wedding photos, them leaning against the Impala holding hands, she raved about it and said the whole concept suited them. They discussed mostly black and white and she suggested a pop of green and blue would break it up nicely. Dean said he didn’t want Impala lamps and things all over the room, and she totally agreed, calling it a deconstructed Impala. Hazel recommended a pretty dove grey for the walls with maybe an accent wall. Upon hearing from Sam that the bunker had all tile walls and no windows, she suggested that they might choose to paint a scene on that wall and she asked questions that would help her think of something that would suit them. Once she had a feel for what Dean and Cas liked, and an idea of their budget, she took them and Sam back out on the cart and the actual shopping began. They chose a crib, a changing table, a dresser and a rocker, all essentials Hazel told them. They also chose an area rug and bedding. She spent two hours with them and when it was over she asked them if it was okay for her to surprise them with an accent wall and she would paint it herself, within their budget of course. She also handed Sam a card with the correct primer for the walls so they could prep them ahead of time.

Dean, who couldn’t believe how much he had actually enjoyed the whole process, looked to Cas, who just smiled warmly. “Go for it, we trust you.” Hazel took out the tablet she had been using all day for the planning and told them she was free next Saturday and that if they helped with the grey, not Dean of course, they could do the whole room that day and be prepared for furniture delivery that Monday. Dean explained that they lived three hours away in Lebanon, and Hazel told them that was a short trip to make twice. Dean was puzzled but Hazel told him that the designer always helped set up the room and she was used to travelling much further. She asked for their email and sent them an email with all of their choices and then directed them to head to the next section of the store where their appointment would continue.

*****

Cas could tell that Dean was getting tired and was pleased to find that when they got to the next part of the appointment, they were greeted by an understanding employee and were shown to a comfortable seating area with fruit, crackers and cheese and bottle water. The young woman, Peggy, encouraged them to sit for a while and rest before beginning the next shopping trip. She talked with them over a list she had started when she had been notified that they had not begun shopping of any kind for baby clothes and other basics.

Dean seemed to pick right up after the break and was eager to get things for their baby. Cas watched as he once again connected with the salesperson. Peggy was a redhead and reminded him a lot of Charlie, maybe that’s why she and Dean hit it off so well. He let Dean take the lead as Peggy walked them through the boutique like room.

“I want all the clothes to be cotton, if possible,” Dean told Peggy and she nodded and agreed to show him cotton fabrics. Dean piped in here and there asking what layette set was and did they really need that many onsies? He showed Cas things he liked and Cas picked out a few things. They agreed on a grey and white layette set that had a variety of basic clothing items and would not matter if they had a girl or a boy.

“I think it’s nice that you want the surprise of finding out when the baby is born. So many people plan out every aspect of their baby coming. What do they have to look forward to I ask?” Peggy commented when she asked the sex of the baby. She directed them to more neutral items on their list and also had them choose some boy and girl specific items, stating they could be delivered after the baby was born.

“I really like these little pink things if it’s a girl,” he said as he touched all the sweet little girl items on the racks. He chose several pieces to add to the growing list of things Peggy was collecting for them. “What do you think, Cas?” Dean asked, but Cas hadn’t heard him, he was enthralled with a whole line of blue and green items with cars, planes and helicopters on them. “Look at these Dean,” He said softly.

“You like those, Cas?” Dean asked and Cas could hardly talk. It was like both of them were represented in the clothes, half cars and half flying machines. “Yeah, we’ll take those on our boy list,” Dean told Peggy.

They had mounds of clothing, pajamas, blankets and swaddlers, bath towels and wash cloths, diapers, wipes, burp cloths and even a couple of snowsuits for the winter months. There were bathing supplies, lotions, first aid kits, chubby cardboard books and soft cuddly toys. Then came the hard question.

“Are you nursing or formula feeding?” Peggy asked. “Holy hell, we haven’t decided yet,” Dean answered with a frustrated tone. It was the one subject that was still sore with him. Peggy walked him through what they would need either way and told him that they could decide and either kit would be delivered when they did. Cas interjected, “We have a breast feeding class coming up and then we can let you know what we need, if that’s okay.” Peggy was very accommodating and then helped them go over the list to be sure they had all they needed. She recommended a laundry detergent for sensitive skin and they bought some of that as well.

They left with all the essentials in the baby department. The store actually offered to install the black car seat for them so that it was properly secure. Months ago Dean had gotten baby checked out to be sure she met safety standards for car seats. There was some minor welding involved, but she was ready to meet the other baby. The stroller they had chosen was black as well and Dean told Peggy, “I’m not sure what a pram conversion style is, but this reminds me of baby a lot, huh Cas?”

“It does Dean and I think Peggy is trying to tell you it’s good for when the baby is little and when it’s older,” Cas explained as he exchanged a knowing look with the helpful red head. He was impressed with the level of knowledge she had on baby merchandise.

They thanked Peggy and she told them their items would all be packaged and brought to the final check out area. Dean, Cas and Sam were taken back to the front of the store where both Hazel and Peggy met them to say goodbye. They paid their bill and none of them could believe how much baby stuff cost. Dean was happy, though and that was what mattered to Cas.

Dean was visibly wiped out and slept most of the way home after eating dinner at the diner, with pie for dessert. Sam looked in the mirror at Cas who spoke softly, “That went much better than I ever imagined it would.”

“Yeah it did,” Sam laughed. “Dean really put thought into what he picked. I was pleasantly surprised.”

Cas nodded and spent the rest of the trip running his fingers though Dean’s hair, admiring his sleeping husband. He kept one hand on his belly smiling to himself when the baby moved under his touch.

When they got home that night, the icing on the cake came in a package from Jody and Bobby. It contained a crocheted baby blanket. It was squares of grey, black and white, intended to match the cradle Bobby helped Sam make. Of course now, it was perfect for the nursery. As Cas and Dean crawled into bed, Dean reached out to touch the cradle and the soft blanket he had tucked into it. Cas thought there had never been such a wonderful day in all of years he had existed. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't want it to be overly sappy, yet wanted Dean to enjoy himself. I intended smut, but realized Dean would have been worn out after shopping all day.


	17. Ready

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The nursery is completed with help from Sam and Dean has a moment of clarity about his pregnancy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Made up some medical shit, and a bit of fluff and emotion from the boys...

It was the Monday they were expecting the furniture and Dean and Cas were out of the bunker for the day. Sam had convinced them to let him handle the nursery with Hazel so they see it when it was done, but not do all of the work. They had picked everything out, but to see it all together and with the mural that young artist had painted would be nice, Sam insisted. Sam knew that neither he brother or brother in law would be picky about how the room was set up but he knew that if Dean was a part of the whole day of setting it up, he would be tired and wouldn’t enjoy it as much as the surprise. Truth be told, Sam was worried about Dean, physically and mentally. He was very pregnant, uncomfortable, and on a roller coaster of emotion lately. So he arranged for the room to be painted without Dean seeing it and now it was Monday and Hazel and Peggy had come to set up the room with Sam. 

Cas had done some rearranging of their schedules and they had a morning breastfeeding class and an afternoon appointment with Dr. Qalla. Sam couldn’t believe that Dean had only one appointment after today and then they would begin the real waiting for Dean to give birth. Sam was excited, but he was also nervous. He knew Dean could handle pain, but this was different. Dean hadn’t been this vulnerable since, well…since forever. The only consolation Sam had was the fact that with Cas, Dean could do anything. As the truck pulled up with the car behind it and the two women came walking up to the steps of the bunker to start the nursery, Sam hoped Dean and Cas were having as much fun. He was somewhat doubtful that Dean at breastfeeding class was anything but awkward, but he had work to do and let it go.

*****

Dean had thought a three hour class about breastfeeding would have been torture, but in fact it had been very informative.  It wasn’t a lecture based class, but a class led by actual breastfeeding carriers. They led the instruction with actual demonstrations with their own experiences. Dean wasn’t gonna lie, it had been awkward at first, but after the initial sharing and caring and getting used to seeing a stranger with a baby attached to his chest, he felt like these men were really just trying to be helpful.  They were all shapes and sizes, one guy was in jeans and a flannel shirt and looked like he would kick your ass if you messed with him. He ended up being the biggest nursing advocate there.

They had asked who was planning on nursing and then who was unsure. Dean had raised his hand at unsure and blushed when he said he wasn’t really sure why it was so weird to him. The men who were nursing were very casual about the whole topic, not the zealots that Dean had expected. One had bottle fed his first baby and nursed his second child and was willing to explain how the two situations differed. All in all he was happier breastfeeding. It was easier at night and when travelling or shopping, economical and his second child had less feeding issues. Another of the instructors had only breastfed and there was one man there who had never gotten enough milk to feed his children long term but had nursed in the hospital for the bonding and colostrum produced shortly after birth. He said he didn’t feel bad because he knew it was not his fault he had not produced milk and his children had taken to formula well. All the men said nursing had made the post partum recovery quicker.

The majority of the class was spent talking individually or in small groups and watching the men nurse their babies, showing different holds and positions. There was one new father present who had said it had been a little difficult for him at first. His family had been against it and yet he had stuck with it and was happy now. He was the least comfortable with the process of nursing and his baby was only four weeks old, but he had told Dean that he wouldn’t trade it for the world now that he had done it and his husband was supportive to him once he saw he wasn’t going to give up.

A short formal lecture by a nurse taught the ins and outs of the process and they were given material to read over and take to the hospital. There were guidelines to what to tell the hospital staff if you were going to nurse and lists of items that would be helpful to have as well, such as a few bottles and a breast pump.

The class closed with a video that was brought in by Nick, the guy in the flannel. He said he had seen a similar video before he had given birth and when he was on the fence like many in class.  It was a video of him and his baby after the birth as the baby was given the opportunity for a self attachment breast crawl. Dean had no idea what that was, but if it came from flannel guy, he would watch and maybe learn. He related to Nick, he was similar in size, stature, and attitude.

The video, black and white to mask the bodily fluids, began with Nick immediately after birth with his baby girl on his bare belly. “She had been wiped off,” he said, “But they never removed her from me and that is key to this working.” Slowly over forty minutes or so, the film was time lapsed, the newborn baby, unassisted, crawled her way up Nicks torso and eventually latched onto his breast. It was the most compelling thing Dean had ever seen and by the grasp Cas had on Dean’s hand, he felt the same. Dean was on the edge of his seat, unintentionally holding his breath as the baby worked so hard to get to her prize. Neither said anything, they didn’t need to, there was an understanding as their eyes met. Dean gave a quick nod and Cas returned it. Everyone in the room was quiet, except for a small cheer of triumph with the small baby reached Nick’s nipple and latched on all by herself. Nick had merely stroked her back and whispered encouragements to her throughout her courageous struggle.

Dean watched as the carrier he related to the most unashamedly cooed sweet words to his baby girl and wiped tears as she nursed for the first time at his breast. His husband who was equally as big and formidable gently kissed Nick and the baby repeatedly encouraging them both with kind words of support. Dean looked at the tiny infant who had worked so hard to find her food source and was captivated by the whole process.  This one simple home video had opened his eyes to something that had once seemed so foreign to Dean. It was enlightening.

Nick explained at the end of the video that statistically, babies allowed to complete the crawl are better, more active nursers, are calmer, and more alert than those taken from their birth parent for bathing and medical procedures before nursing. “Even if they are replaced on their birth parent’s bellies afterwards, the opportunity is missed for the connection. They can still nurse, but some struggle with the process, and those struggles are rarely found in the babies allowed to complete the instinctual crawl.” The class broke up after the nursing fathers had offered phone numbers and support. Both Cas and Dean thanked the fathers and Dean spent a few minutes with Nick, Dean noticed that Cas stood back and let Dean have a few minutes with his fellow carrier.

Once Cas was driving down the road towards the diner where they were to have lunch, Dean quietly stared out the window. Cas’ voice broke the silence as he softly asked, “You alright, Love?”

Dean nodded, “Yeah. Just…I never saw anything like that video today. You think of babies as helpless, but that baby…man…  I can’t believe I almost didn’t give it a try.” He sat pensive a few more minutes and then Cas reached across the seat to place a warm hand on Dean’s knee. Dean looked at Cas as he drove and said, “I want that, Cas. I want our baby to have the chance to fight like that, to start out strong like that video shows.”

“I think that is a great decision, Dean. We can talk to Dr. Qalla today, and change our birth plan to include it, okay.”

“I think there are a lot of things about our birth plan I want to change,” Dean said and Cas’ only response was to grab Dean’s hand and squeeze. Dean was grateful for the small gesture and the silence to process what he had just come to realize, that it wasn’t really about him at all. Funny how long it had taken him to figure it out.

*****

The knock on the door preceded Dr. Qalla entering the exam room with a friendly smile and greeting, “Hello Winchesters, how is the family today?”

“Hey, Doc,” Dean answered clutching the gown closed in the front. “Hello, Dr. Qalla, we’re fine thank you,” Cas responded after Dean.

“How have you been feeling this week, Dean?” Dr. Qalla chatted but focused on the task at hand. The exam proceeded as usual now that Dean was going weekly. This was his third such visit and Dean did his best to relax through the measurements of his belly, check of his breasts and the dreaded internal exam. Preparation was necessary for a proper exam, not as much as when they had sex, but enough that at this point in his pregnancy, Dean could not do it himself. The nurse always offered her help as an option, but Dean and Cas chose to take care of it themselves. The nurse would leave them with supplies and tell them to indicate when Dean was ready. Awkward was an understatement, but at least when he went into labor, the hormonal changes took care of it naturally.

When Dean was finished and dressed, they asked to speak to the doctor about their birth plan. Dean was emotional and in turn Cas became emotional, but Dr. Qalla helped them make the changes and even shared that he and his wife had experienced the breast crawl with two of their children’s births.

Dean confided that he felt overwhelmed and like he had not done enough during his pregnancy, “I feel like I should have known about things for the baby, you know? What if I had deprived the baby of that process and started him or her off all screwed up?”

“Dean,” Dr. Qalla reassured him, “Every time I made suggestions for your health and the baby’s health, did you make those changes?” Dean nodded. “You have maintained a healthy pregnancy for all these months, changed your diet and altered your lifestyle by getting some exercise and more sleep,  and that is no easy feat. Do you have a nursery and car seat ready? Clothes and diapers? You got helpful information about breastfeeding and now you’ve decided to nurse, you can only do so much Dean. You are a wonderful dad and will only get better, don’t be so hard on yourself.”

Dean fought to keep the tears at bay, he told his doctor that they were only finishing the nursery today because he had dragged his feet and had barely listened at childbirth class, etc. etc. until he lost the battle with his tears and Cas had to hold him until he calmed down. Dr. Qalla even rubbed his back. Dean was really glad they had picked him to deliver the baby. He was a nice guy, but never got weird about it.

“Dean, you are going to be fine, and you will labor well. It’s a marathon and you have hit the 26th mile. It’s the .5 that’s the hardest. We will all be there to help you and I bet Cas listened well enough for both of you during class,” he laughed at the last part and so did both Dean and Cas. “I saved the best for last. You are dilated 2 centimeters, Dean. That doesn’t mean that you will have the baby any sooner than your due date, but look at it this way: it’s two less centimeters that you have to dilate when you are in labor! Continue with life as usual, not restrictions at this time, your blood pressure is good and you don’t have a lot of swelling.

Dean was encouraged by the news. Dr. Qalla handed him some tissues and Dean wiped his tears as Cas made the suggestion to head out, “Let’s head home to see that nursery, huh?” Dean took Cas’ hand to slide ungracefully out of the chair.

“We will see you next week, remember on the chance that you do go into labor, call the office. We will want to check on your progress. You should head to the Mankato birthing center when your contractions are 10 minutes apart, due to the drive.” Cas began to ask for something to write on, but Dr. Qalla told him the guidelines would all be on the check out paperwork today.

*****

Sam held his hands over Dean’s eyes as Cas led him to the nursery. Once inside the remodeled room, Sam revealed the outcome of all the work that went into it. Dean was stunned at what he saw. The walls were a comforting soft grey in contrast with the black furniture and the black and white bedding. But nothing prepared him for the mural on the wall across from the crib. It was an open Kansas highway, with blue sky against a field of sunflowers, and the impala painted in perfect detail driving on it. I reminded Dean of the home of his youth and yet also of the highways he and Sam had travelled together for so many years. It brought the outside into the bunker and dean loved it. Cas helped Dean sink into the plush cushions of the rocker and put his feet on the ottoman. Dean could rock himself and it was very comfortable. He tried to picture himself holding the baby while sitting in the room. He sniffled a little but refused to mar the moment with tears.

Dean heaved himself out of the chair and looked through all of the drawers and stocked shelves, excitement growing with each discovery. “Man, Sam. Thanks for organizing all this stuff. The room is awesome.”

“You and Cas may want to spend some time in here and make sure things are where you want them, but all the clothes and blankets are washed and ready to go,” Sam said clapping a hand on his brother’s shoulder before walking out. Cas and Dean did look around and make a few minor changes. There were things that they had talked about when they picked out the furniture, but the switches were minor. Dean pulled Cas in for a big hug, sighing at the relief of the bunker being ready to receive a baby. Dean was not sure he would ever be completely ready, but he felt somewhat settled now that this was complete.

“I don’t know about you Dean, but I could use a nap after our busy day,” Cas admitted.  “You read my mind, Babe,” Dean said as he turned and began to waddle towards their room. As Dean lay on his left side and Cas helped tuck the body pillow between Dean’s knees and under his belly, he smiled and pulled Cas in for a kiss. “Thanks, Cas, for today, for everything,” It didn’t take long before he felt himself drift off to sleep with Cas spooned in behind him arm around their growing family.

*****

Cas woke alone, his phone read five thirty as he got up to look for Dean. His first stop was the nursery and he found his husband in the new stuffed rocker with a small basket of booties on what was left of his lap, as he sorted them and folded them into pairs. Cas noticed a few more changes, mostly things that made sense, items rearranged on the changing table for more ease of use, a lamp placed closer to the rocker, etc. Cas knelt down and put a hand on Dean’s belly as he kissed him. Dean’s lips were warm and dry but pliant and he kissed back with affection. “Sam’s making dinner, babe. Can you help me put these socks in the top right hand drawer of the dresser? I went through all of the drawers and stuff and I feel like I know where everything is now.”

Cas took the small basket and pulled Dean up into his arms. Dean wrapped his hand around the back of Cas’ neck and slid his finger into the silky hair on the back of his head. He pulled Cas in for another kiss and then leaned their foreheads together. “I’m ready, Cas. I wanna meet the baby now. I need to know we have a boy or a girl and I want to rock them in that chair…I’m ready, babe, I’m so ready.” He hid his face into the crook of Cas’ neck and Cas held him tightly, kissing his cheeks and temple. He hushed Dean’s quiet tears and they stood in their new nursery and rocked gently together.

“It’s alright Dean, soon, Love, soon we will meet our sweet baby…soon,” Cas soothed. “Let’s go see about dinner now, okay?”

After a dinner of baked enchiladas and salad, the three watched The Kingsman again before Cas insisted Dean head to bed at about ten. Dean didn’t really object much, he had plans for Cas.

When Dean waddled in from the bathroom, Cas was in bed, leaning against the headboard and reading a book. Dean took off his robe and laid it on the end of the bed. He knelt of the bed and Cas moved to help him settle and arrange the pillows around him when he was surprised be a lap full of Dean. An awkward, ungraceful lap full of Dean,  who fell on him so hard he lost the air from his lungs, “Unmpf! Dean, what are you doing?”

“I’m sitting on your lap, Cas,” Dean said in what he thought was a sexy voice but was really more like someone who was out of shape.

Cas couldn’t help but smile when Dean made his move. Dean was usually so smooth in the bed but as large as he was at this stage of his pregnancy, he was a little clunky. Cas didn’t want to make Dean feel uncomfortable and Dr. Qalla had said business as usual, so he responded, “I see that…and feel that, Love.” With Dean’s extended lap, it was hard to reach each other to kiss properly at this angle and the two of them ended up laughing their way over onto their sides.

Languid kisses and soft touches developed into Dean on his side, panting as Cas, with Dean’s leg hooked over his shoulder, gently thrust into his husband’s warm body. Dean begged Cas to move faster and harder, but Cas knew what Dean needed and he slowly took him apart, rolling his hips slowly, grazing over Dean’s sweet spot and earning soft grunts of pleasure from his husband. It was all Cas could do to hang on until he made Dean come. There was nothing better than the feeling of pulling out and sliding back into the heat of his beloved Dean. “Cas, please…please…babe…so close…so good,” Dean spoke frantically as Cas picked up the pace ever so slightly and angled to hit Dean’s prostate, finally tumbling him over the edge into his orgasm. Cas followed shortly after and lowered Dean’s leg as he kissed him loosely, helping Dean get comfortable and cleaned up. With the lights out and his nose at the nape of Dean’s neck, Cas listened to Dean’s breathing even out. There were so many factors that Cas could not control, but they were ready at the bunker for their baby, and Cas geared up to be ready to help Dean, to be what Dean needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do your self a favor and go watch a self attachment breast crawl video. It's mesmerizing. I wish I had known about it when I had my kids...it's a real thing and sweet...
> 
> I feel like it is something Dean would want to do once he knew about it.
> 
> Thoughts, comments...please...


	18. Last Few Days of We Two...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean celebrate an important holiday and Dean has another moment of clarity about his impending parenthood...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for the angsty bit, there is some fluff. I am sorry for anyone who is a John Winchester fan, I am not in this fic. I just happened to see a great tumblr post about how John was not a good dad and I had to insert some of those thoughts here. Dean is experiencing what is probably his last hurdle to becoming a dad, besides labor and delivery of course.

Valentine’s Day had never held any weight with Dean. His family certainly never celebrated it. He and Sam never had money to exchange valentines with friends, even if they were in school long enough to make any or if the timing was right. He had always played it off as girly or stupid. It was just another day in February, just another day for card companies to scalp consumers. That all changed with Cas.

The first valentine Dean had ever given was to Cas. It was four years ago on their first date… in the bunker… watching Star Wars… eating cheeseburgers and hand cut fries… and pie. It was just a card, but that card was a game changer. It moved their relationship forward and upward all at once. It placed them in a different category than friendship, though they were truly best friends.

February 14th had become one of the most important days on the calendar to Dean because his courage had paid off and now he lay here in bed, next to his best friend, pregnant with his child and on the verge of the next level of their relationship. He could feel Cas wrapped around him and the soft sweet puffs of breath on the back of his neck and the emotion began to fill him overflowing through his tear ducts. Luckily for him, Sam had perfect timing and picked the lock on their room like he and Dean had planned.

Sam came in quietly as Dean untangled himself from Cas’ arms and legs. He helped Dean up from the bed and out into the hallway as Cas grumped his way back under the covers into the warm patch Dean left. “Thanks for doing this Sam. I want Cas to be surprised, but fuck if I can get up without help anymore.” Dean whispered as he pulled the door shut behind them.

“No problem, man. I know how important this day is to you guys and I know how much you’re struggling with that baby belly, dude. You are one of those big bellied daddies, Dean,” Sam laughed as he helped Dean towards the bathroom. Dean had stashed clothes there for this morning and was not at all ashamed of leaning on his little brother for help with his surprise for Cas. His hips were so sore in the morning he could hardly walk when he first got up. For the first time in his life, he felt like the bow in his legs worked against him. Of course the hormones raging through him were relaxing his pelvis and he felt almost like it was flexible in all the wrong ways. The shower would help but he knew Cas would not enjoy the day if he felt Dean had showered without supervision, so God help him he enlisted Sam to make sure he didn't fall in the shower.

Dean emerged from the bathroom dressed and body feeling much less stiff. Sam was cleaning up the towels as Dean began the breakfast for his deserving husband. There was a bouquet of daisies, a heart shaped balloon, and Cas’ favorite chocolates hidden in the kitchen. Dean made cream cheese stuffed french toast with bacon and fruit salad. He enjoyed cooking Cas’ favorite foods and he brewed Cas’ favorite dark roast coffee as well. Sam carried the tray when Dean was ready, and Dean had made enough food for his brother to enjoy back at the kitchen.

“Morning, Cas,” Dean greeted softly, stroking his fingers through Cas’ hair. Sam smiled as his brother in law realized what was happening and gave Dean that disbelieving look of awe that always made Dean smile that special smile reserved only for Cas.

The two ate in bed together snuggling and feeding each other as Dean gave Cas his presents. They only did traditional; some would call corny, gifts of flowers, candy and/or cards. They said from the beginning, no expensive gifts, no jewelry, just simple reminders of the specialness of the day and their connection.  Cas loved the things Dean brought him, especially the white daisies with yellow centers.  He got up and went to the closet. He had gerbera daisies, bright pink colored, and a card for Dean. Dean wiped a few tears as he read it, but refused to get lost in crying. Cas brought out a tiny pie, a tiny apple crumble pie and Dean said they would eat it later when they were hungry again.

They laid in bed together, discussing names for their coming baby. Dean had decided to name the baby for his parents, John or Mary. They were still tossing around middle names, but Dean had been firm about his desire for the first names. He knew Cas had reservations but after becoming pregnant, he empathized with John at the loss of Mary and his view of the harshness of his father was softening. There was a tiny little reservation in the back of his mind after the breastfeeding class that maybe his dad didn’t quite deserve a namesake, but then Dean would remember how hard it had been for him and how he would lose his mind without Cas, and let it go.

Dean had made plans for a shopping trip into town. He had decided they needed a swing after all, even though he initially said the crib was enough. So after Cas showered, they headed out to Target to check out the baby swings.

“I think this one is the best, Cas. Don’t you?” Dean asked as they stopped in front of the swing he liked. Before Cas could say anything, Dean jumped back in, “I mean, it’s black and white like the nursery and the cradle, it swings with a motor which you said yourself was recommended online, and it doubles as a bouncy seat, whatever the fuck that is,” Dean said rather loudly, earning himself a slight scowl from a grandmotherly looking shopper. He looked rather sheepishly at Cas who smiled wickedly and kissed Dean a little on the naughty side. Soon they had the aisle to themselves.

“A bouncy seat is a seat you can put on the table or the floor and it does actually bounce a little for when the baby is fussy, I think…” Cas explained, the end of the description sounding a little less sure than the beginning.

“Okay, I get it now. Look, it shows that here. Well, that is like killing two birds on that one. We don’t have a bouncy seat or a swing. This works for me,” Dean said looking to Cas for confirmation.

“Dean, I hate the caterpillar hanging over where the baby will sit, “ Cas confided and pointing to other swings. “This one has a lamb, that one a bear, here is a monkey…I hate a bug hanging over the baby.”

“Oh damn, I hate that thing , too. But there are two stars here as well and I like the green accents. We can just cut the caterpillar off and hang something we like there, don’t you think?” Dean though out loud.

Cas smiled a big gummy smile. Dean had a feeling all of a sudden that Cas might be busting his balls over the swing, “Are you fucking with me Castiel Winchester?” He pulled Cas close, just as his husband began to giggle. “Not really, but you certainly seem to like this swing, so let’s get it, Love.” Cas tightened the hug, squeezing Dean to his body and causing a sudden sharp pain to Dean’s chest.

“Shit,” Dean sucked in a harsh breath and pulled back from Cas. His hands went reflexively to cover his pecs at the sharp soreness.

“Sorry, Dean. Did I hurt you?” Cas’ brow wrinkled in concern.

“I’m fine, babe. Just didn’t know how sore I was. I’ve been a bit sore, but not like that,” he reassured Cas and finally was able to lower his hands.

Cas rubbed his back and hesitantly offered, “You know Dr. Qalla said a nursing bra would help with discomfort with support…”

Dean rolled his eyes, but leaned into Cas hand on his back, “I don’t have boobs that need a bra, Cas.”

“It’s not about boobs, Dean. But you do what you want. By the way, you should look down at your, uhhh…you have a little…” Cas pointed awkwardly at Dean’s chest.

Sure enough, Dean glanced down at the tshirt under his coat and flannel and there were two small wet spots over his nipples. “Fuck, me. Let’s go buy this swing and then head over to that maternity store to see if they have any carrier nursing bras. At least there they can make it fit right and I should have a better selection than here.”

Cas kissed Dean warmly on the mouth before telling him he was proud of him and picking up the swing box and placing it in the cart. Cas pushed the cart as Dean waddled beside him as they made their way to the check out. They received lots of smiles from other shoppers and Dean swore he got some sympathy looks after shoppers glanced at his belly. He found he didn’t even mind all that much as he smiled and waddled beside Cas.

*****

The impromptu trip to the pregnancy clothing store went better than Dean expected. They had tank style bras that held disposable, absorbent pads. Seeing as how he had decided to nurse, he purchased four of the tanks and two boxes of the pads. 

The boutique type store also carried baby clothes and accessories. Cas found some swaddlers that he had been researching online and they bought six of them in fairly neutral colors. They were easier than just the receiving blankets they had been taught to use in the newborn care classes they had taken a couple of weeks ago. One of the mothers had mentioned them, sending Cas on an online hunt. Dean loved how excited Cas was about finding them. The day had been a success but Dean had suddenly become ravenous.

By the time they had finished their lunch at the little sandwich shop they found, Dean was exhausted and drooping. He was sore from all of the walking and could hardly keep his eyes open, so Cas wrapped an arm around his waist and kissed him on the temple as they made their way down the street to the Impala. “I need to rest a minute, babe,” Dean panted and he held his hand under his belly.

It was cold outside and even with his jacket completely zipped, Dean felt the cold in his belly. He did not like the sensation of being cold when he was pregnant. It made him feel tight or his skin feel tight anyway. Cas pulled him close and rubbed his free hand over Dean’s belly, trying to comfort him. As he began to relax, he told Cas they could continue. It took three more stalled attempts until they made it to their car and Cas could get Dean into the passenger seat.

“Sorry, babe. I don’t know what that was. I was just so cold and I couldn’t relax,” Dean apologized as he settled into his seat. Cas buckled him in with a kiss and told him not to worry. “I think you need a nap, Love. You look tired. I am sorry, I didn’t intend for you to get worn out.” Dean explained that he was fine but he dozed off twice before Cas got them home.

At the bunker, he went right to bed. He was very uncomfortable and felt compelled to hold his hand under his belly to combat the discomfort. He was lucky he was more tired than he was sore. He hardly remembered Cas tucking him in before his eyes fluttered shut and he was out. 

*****

Cas heard the a sound that made him shiver. Dean had slept through dinner and Cas and Sam had let him. It was after nine when Cas heard his husband shout, no more like wail in their bedroom. He was up and across the bunker before he even knew it followed by an equally concerned Sam. Dean was crying out loudly but not clearly as Cas burst through the door. The sight was almost too much.

His husband was on his hands and knees, shouting what Cas could now understand was, “We should have had valentines! We were kids, we were kids. Why didn’t’ he try harder? We were hungry! Sam never had valentines and we were hungry!”

Cas grabbed him and held him tight as his tears began to fall in earnest. “Dean…Dean it’s alright,” Cas said as Dean jumped at his touch. When Dean saw it was Cas, he fell into his husband. Cas pulled him into his lap as well as he could and Sam stood in the doorway, though he was joining his brother in shedding tears. Cas and Sam had discussed this very issue, thought they both knew it was much bigger than the valentines that had triggered the dream. Sam had told Cas that it pained him to know every happy memory he had of childhood was because of Dean and yet it was never enough to stay the guilt that Dean felt. It was even more so when Dean should be happy about his own child coming and not reliving the past. Sam had expressed how glad he was that Dean would have a child to help heal some of the deep rooted hurts.

Cas simply gripped him tightly to his chest and tried to soothe his husband, “Hey, hey, come on now. Dean I think you were dreaming, sweetheart.” He rocked Dean and rubbed his belly wishing he had his grace to put this right. When Dean began to come back to himself, and the sobs became more like hiccups, Cas asked Sam for a washcloth with warm water. He wiped Dean’s face and continued to offer comforting words. He settled Dean onto his side and curled in around him. Sam turned to leave but Dean asked him to stay, “Sam, I need you to stay. I gotta say something that you may as well hear at the same time.”

Dean pushed himself up to a sitting position and then stood with a great deal of effort. He sort of paced back and forth, looking as if he wanted to speak but never quite getting there. Finally, he glanced at Cas before turning to Sam, “I’ve been thinking a lot about when we were kids Sam. I think it’s why I’m dreaming about it so much, lately. I always thought Dad was a total dick about raising us. I mean he was not always good to mom, but you don’t know about that so much. When I finally got my head out of my ass about Cas and we got together, I thought I understood Dad’s losing it over mom. I mean, if I ever lost…” a tremble in his lip cut off his words and he reached for Cas who was already on his way to Dean’s side. He held Cas’ hand tightly and continued, “When I found out I was pregnant, and I panicked, I really thought I got Dad. I mean the responsibility of a kid with Cas was hard to grasp, let alone two, and he was  on his own, you know? But the closer I get to having this baby, our baby,” he smiled at Cas briefly, “the more I realize that he should have stepped up and taken control or found someone who could. I should never have had to hunt as young as I did and Sam, you deserved better than me raising you.”

Sam jumped in, “Now wait right there, Dean. You were terrific to me when we were growing up. When I remember good times, they were always around you. You raised me the best way you knew how and I got that. Don’t keep slamming yourself over what you couldn’t control. You did what you could, everything you could, and Dean…I love you for that. I’m grateful.”

“Sammy, I know you are, but listen to what you are saying. I did the best I could, yes, but Dad did not. He left us with no food, a lot. He left you alone, a lot, while we hunted. We didn’t go to school regularly and he never even cared if we had holidays. I want more than that for my kid, our kid. I want this kid to feel like it belongs somewhere and to never know what it means to be scared…really scared of awful things. I want it to look forward to holidays and birthdays like normal kids. I want…I want…” Dean was shaking and the volume of his voice was rising. He was breathing heavily and Cas knew something was brewing right beneath the surface of his feelings, something he needed to get out, so he asked him gently, “What do you want, Dean?”

Sam stepped closer, looking unsure of Dean’s demeanor. “Dean if you are concerned about being a better dad than John Winchester, you already are-

“Don’t you see!” Dean interrupted with a shout. “I don’t need to be better than him. Better isn’t good enough. Hell a damn dog could be better. I want to be _good_ …I wanna be a _good_ father!”

“Dean, Love, you already are a good father,” Cas said sincerely, embracing his husband, emotions bubbling to the surface.

“I appreciate you thinking so Cas, but eating salad and going to the doctor doesn’t make me a good father. What if I can’t do it? What if I can’t be selfless? What if I am just like him?” Dean asked silent tears spilling over.

“Dean, you are not like dad in that way. You may look a little like him and you may have been a good hunter like him, but you are the most selfless person I know,” Sam said softly.

“Even if I thought you were capable of acting like John, I wouldn’t let you, Dean,” Cas said calmly.

“Promise me Cas, promise me you won’t let me do it,” Dean begged. “You too, Sam, swear it.”

They both gave their word as Dean began to relax. He was a little woozy from the adrenaline spike of his dream and outburst. Cas and Sam helped him out into the kitchen to eat something. He was emotional off and on all evening and kept apologizing for the whole incident but both men could see that Dean was already feeling better. It was as if he needed to get his fear of not being good enough, verbalized and off his chest.

After his late dinner, he wanted to spend some time in the nursery. He sat in the rocker as Cas put together the swing. Sam brought him the swaddlers that Cas had thrown in the washer and dryer earlier, but he left Cas and Dean alone in their baby’s room knowing they needed the quiet time together.

Dean was folding the swaddlers when he confided in his husband, “I don’t want to name the baby John or Mary, okay Cas…please…I can’t,” Dean said with panic in his voice. “I know we had agreed on those names, but our baby deserves a fresh start. I don’t want to have to explain why I named him or her after a man who no one ever talks about unless it’s negative or a woman who was-“

Cas interrupted before Dean got upset again, “Okay, Dean. No John or Mary. It’s okay, whatever you want. I don’t mind. Let’s go with the names we had picked before you thought you wanted your parents’ names. I think they are both wonderful names and it’s romantic. They remind me of when we were first dating, and that was a special time, Dean.”

Dean smiled, relieved and began to rock again, “I think so too, Cas. I feel better already, I liked those names to begin with.” Cas returned Dean’s smile and stopped assembling ling enough to kiss Dean and then his belly.

“Cas…thanks … I love you babe,” Dean said before pulling Cas in for another sweet kiss.

“You’re welcome Dean, always…but you know your brother will never stop teasing you if we have a boy.”

Dean laughed out loud and it felt like a weight had been lifted off of his chest for the first time in weeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments welcome and neeeeeeeded. Gearing up for the big moment to start...was supposed to start this chapter but I realized I had never dealt with names...silly me...


	19. Dean Winchester Doesn't Nest...Or Does He?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean has a sudden burst of energy and a desire to be ready for the baby, along with other things...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love busy, happy Dean who is excited for the baby!!!

                                                                                                                                    

Dean’s due date came and went. There was no fanfare or dramatic moment, just his appointment and instructions to continue to come every Monday until he went into labor or if he didn’t feel well. He was no more dilated than the previous appointment, two centimeters and fifty percent effaced. He and Cas had been excited, Sam was beside himself, but all in all just another day in his pregnancy.

The doctor reminded them of what to look for in signs of labor, and also signs of concern. Truthfully, other than being incredibly sore, Dean felt great. He had terrific blood pressure and very little swelling of his feet or ankles. His weight was good, he had gained enough but not too much, and there was no protein or sugar in his urine. It was now a true waiting game.

He wasn’t sure what he actually expected at the end of his pregnancy, except that everyone always talked about a surge in energy and the desire to nest, or get things ready. Dean Winchester did not nest, at least he didn’t think he did. That was for fussy people who had nothing better to do with themselves while waiting. He and Cas were ready for their baby to come and they filled their days with walks in the brisk cold and cocoa and movies afterwards.

Sometimes the movies and cocoa led to snuggling, which led to frisky times. Dean slept well those nights that Cas tired him out. Not being comfortable enough to sleep had been his only real complaint at his appointment. Dean would never admit to the doctor that pregnancy sex was fantastic and knocked him out cold after.

It was Thursday night and Dean was relaxed and sleepy after one such evening of TV and great sex. He was dosing off as Cas was still pushing pillows all around and under him in an effort to keep him comfy. He woke feeling restless and wasn’t sure what time it was so he just lay there and hoped he could fall back to sleep, but of course he felt the urge to take a piss. He tried to get up a few times, but he was just so awkward at this point it was impossible to accomplish a simple bathroom trip without help.

“Cas, babe, I gotta pee.” No movement on the first try.

“Babe,” he said a little louder and gave a shake to Cas’ shoulder. “I gotta pee.” Still no response.

“Shit,” Dean said as he knew he was gonna have to wake Cas out of a sound sleep just to pee three drops and crawl back into bed. He cringed as he shouted, “CAS,”

Cas shot straight up in the bed, hair all over the place, “WhatwhatisittimeDean? I’llgetthecar!”

Dean felt terrible but he couldn’t help the giggle that escaped him. “Cas, babe. I’m fine. I just have to pee.”

“Son of a nutcracker, Dean! You scared the shit out of me!” Cas panted, holding his heart.

“Are you seriously still using Elf references to swear, Cas? It’s February man, get some new material…and help me up,” Dean chuckled as he tried to roll over and push himself up again. He felt a sharp pain in his right hip again, “Ow shit! My fucking hip!”

“Dean! Wait for me to help you, Love.”

“Ay yi yi, my hips feel like they are bending in half,” Dean huffed.

Cas helped Dean out of their bed and to the bathroom. As he suspected, he barely peed at all, but Cas insisted he try again...while sitting. Cas had read about this technique where Dean sat to pee and rocked forward and backward a few times with his hands under his belly, essentially lifting the baby a little off the bladder. The worst part about it was that it worked. So Dean sat and did what Cas had taught him, and sure enough he was able to empty his bladder. He washed his hands and told Cas to go back to bed, he wanted to rock in the nursery a while. His phone had said four thirty and he felt like he couldn’t fall asleep again. “Cas, babe, I’m fine. I’m just not tired enough to fall asleep and you need your rest. It’s okay, go back to bed.” He kissed Cas firmly and smacked him on the ass as a send off.

*****

Cas woke to the smell of bleach and Mr. Clean. He thought it odd, but was tired and burrowed back into the blankets just as the door to the bedroom flew open, “Up and at ‘em Cas! We have shopping to do! I’m repacking the diaper bag and the daddy bag for the hospital and we need things.” He yanked the blankets off of Cas with a flick of his arm.

“Do I smell bleach and Mr. Clean, Dean?” Cas groaned as he grappled for the stolen blankets.

Dean reached out with his hand to offer Cas a steaming mug of coffee. “Yeah, I cleaned the bathroom, the kitchen and the baby’s room. Everything in there is dusted and I made up the crib and covered the whole thing with a sheet. There was a lot of rearranging to do and it feels better now, I mean it always felt good, but I tweaked a few things…improved the flow, made it easier for changing diapers and things.”

Cas sipped his coffee and as he began to be more awake, he gave a discerning squint to his husband, “You did all that? What time is it? And better yet, are you feeling okay, I don’t want you to overdo it with all that work, Love.”

“Cas, ‘m fine! It’s nine thirty and we need to get to a store to get a going home outfit for littlebug, so get your ass out of bed,” Dean answered, demanding again that Cas get up.

“Dean, I thought we had a going home outfit for the baby,” Cas stated. “The little green-“

“Yeah, yeah, we did get that one, but I’ve been thinking that if it’s a girl she should wear something girly home and if it’s a boy something blue or more manly! Also, we need a snowsuit and then we can head to the grocery store for some things for the dad bag. I’ve been reading the chapter on being prepared and we need to step it up with dad bag quite a bit,” Dean turned to leave sing songing, “I’m turning on the shower for you….”

After three more gulps of coffee, Cas got up and grabbed some clothes. He noticed that the drawers were full and the closet was straightened and had been replenished with Clean flannels. Dean must have done the laundry as well. That meant…could only mean that Dean was…nesting. Cas ran to the shower and found it empty but running so he jumped in and got clean as quick as he could. He toweled himself off and threw on jeans, a tee shirt and a plaid flannel. He headed out to find his husband to make sure he was alright and before he wore himself out.

He found Dean in the nursery with the dad bag spread all over the short dresser and the diaper bag and its contents neatly organized on the changing table. Dean was currently in front of the closet, organizing things that were hanging. Dean had not had this kind of energy in weeks, so this had to be the nesting they had read about in the books. He slid his arms around Dean’s belly and pulled himself close to his large bellied husband. “Dean…Love, are you feeling alright this morning?”

“I feel fine, Cas. Why do you ask?” Dean said sorting through the layette outfits, extra bedding and the packages of diaper and wipes they had stored in the closet.

“Deeeeean…” Cas cooed with a warm affection. “You’re nesting.” Cas could not help but smile, and not the regular kind, but the wide mouthed, squinty eyed, gummy toothed kind he couldn’t hold back.

Dean looked offended, “I am not! Dean Winchester does not nest. I read that part of the book, too, you know, Cas. That nesting stuff is for schmaltzy, touchy feely, chick flick people. I am simply getting ready for the baby to come. Hunters are always prepared, Cas.”

Sam walked in at that very moment. “What’s with the bleach and Mr. Clean smell,” he asked rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and yawning. You been cleaning Cas, I told you I would keep the bunker up for a while so you and Dean could relax.”

“Not me, Sam,” Cas answered simply, pointing at his husband. “Dean’s nesting!” Cas couldn’t help but preen as he said it!

Sam smiled at the comment and looked around the nursery, “Damn Dean, you did make a few changes in here. Did you move the chair by yourself?”

Dean rolled his eyes, “Yes, and for fuck’s sake…I am not nesting. I am just getting the last few things ready for the baby. Cas we gotta go. I’ve got a list of things we need, you ready?”

He stomped out of the room but there was no real bite to his words. Cas smiled at Sam who smiled back and said, “He is soooo nesting. Can’t be much longer now, huh Cas?”

“Let’s hope not, the only thing worse than watching Dean suffer and wait, is to be at his beck and call when he is in cleaning mode.” Sam laughed at his brother in law’s words and clapped him on the back as he left the nursery.

“Move your ass, Cas!  Hey that rhymes,” Dean called from the map room. Cas shook his head and prepared to keep up with his nesting husband.

*****

Four stores later, nearing lunchtime, Dean was finally satisfied with his purchases. They had picked out a sweet pink sleeper with an adorable, Dean’s words, bear dressed in pink on the front and bears on the feet for a girl outfit and a cream colored outfit with brown trim and little puppies all over it for a boy outfit. They also bought a pink and a blue snowsuit. The pink had a bunny faced hood and little bunnies on the feet and the boy was the same except it was a dog hood and feet. One of the doggie eyes had a dark blue ring around it and Dean had fallen for it immediately. Satisfied with the clothing purchases, they moved on to the daddy bag.

They stopped at the grocery store to get snacks and other essential items, again Dean’s words, for the daddy bag. They picked out bags of nuts and trail mix, packages of peanut butter crackers and individual bags of cookies and crackers like goldfish and pretzels. Dean even picked out some candy, chocolate for celebrating after the baby was born. He also grabbed toiletries like new toothbrushes and small tubes of toothpaste. They hit the sample aisle and grabbed deodorant, mouthwash, body wash and shampoo. Dean took nearly ten minutes to pick out a lip balm and Cas enjoyed every bit of time he spent watching Dean weigh his options. Cas couldn’t help but think that it was almost time for Dean to go into labor.

When they returned home, Dean packed the diaper bag with the onsie t shirts, the new outfits, the green swaddler, a receiving blanket and a warm blanket, the snowsuits, and a pacifier for nursing babies. He may have shed a few happy tears over the teeny tiny newborn diapers that he put in with the travel pack of wipes. When he was done, he zipped the diaper bag shut.

“I love this bag, Cas. Thanks for finding it for us.” It was a cream colored bag covered with blue and green classic cars and trucks. The inside was navy blue and it had long shoulder straps as well.

“The minute I saw it online Love, I knew it was perfect for us,” Cas answered with a kiss for his husband.

They packed the daddy bag with all of the items they had included for helping with labor, Dean’s going home outfit including clean underwear and a nursing tank with extra disposable pads, extra clothes for Cas and all of the toiletries they had bought. They also included the organized snacks and a roll of quarters for the vending machines. When they had finished, Sam had made sandwiches and soup for lunch and Dean eyed the food like a starving bear.

“Dean, after lunch I think you should take a rest,” Cas announced as they were eating lunch.

Dean stopped mid chew and simply answered, “I’m not tired.” He continued to eat the BLT that Sam had made him.

“Dean, you have been up since four thirty this morning and you’ve practically cleaned the entire bunker, not to mention the laundry and shopping. I’m worried you will overdo it, Love,” Cas nearly pleaded.

“I always lay down when I’m tired, but I’m not tired now,” Dean nearly whined and then caught himself.

Cas noticed Sam trying to hide a grin at his brother’s griping. He’d never get Dean to lay down if Sam laughed at him, so he shot Sam his best smitey look and continued, “I think maybe you are having an adrenaline rush and when you crash you are going to be exhausted. Just lay down for a bit and see if relaxing helps you rest. You don’t have to sleep, just let yourself have a break. If you go into labor anytime soon, you’re going to be too tired.”

“I’ll lay down if you lay down with me,” Dean smugly negotiated, making Cas wonder if your very pregnant spouse was supposed to prepare you for parenthood by acting somewhat like a child. How could Dean not see that he was wearing himself out?

“That’s not the kind of rest I meant, Dean” Cas scolded.

“Well, I’m going out for the afternoon,” Sam smiled as he got up to clear the plates. “You two can _argue_ about this until about three and then I’ll be back, so don’t be _arguing_ after three, okay?”

Dean laughed out loud at his brother’s implications. “Ha! See, Cas, even Sam knows I’m not tired.”

Cas gave up and decided that if Dean would at least lay down with him for a while, that was better than nothing.

Dean let Cas help him into bed. He even put on pajama pants and crawled under the covers. Cas placed pillows in around Dean’s belly, the naptime routine was almost like a ritual, the way Cas prodded and tucked every pillow just where he knew Dean needed it. “Rub my back, babe?” Dean requested. “I may not sleep but I agree my back could use a break.”

“Thank you, Dean. I appreciate you slowing down a little. I don’t think you are even aware of how hard you’ve been working all day,” Cas explained as he used his thumbs to work out the sore spots in Dean’s lower back. Before long Dean was not talking and Cas heard soft snores from his husband. He curled up behind him and wrapped an arm around his enormous belly, wondering how he had even gotten so lucky. Dean was his best friend, his lover and now the father of their child. It was almost too much, and at the same time not enough. He let himself doze off to the feel of the baby moving under his arm.

*****

Dean woke with a stretch and felt Cas spooned up behind him. Dean smiled as he realized both he and Cas were sporting post nap wood. He wiggled back into Cas, wanting to feel more of his husband. Cas stirred a bit and Dean made an effort to turn over and face him. He didn’t get far due to his cumbersome status, but Cas had woken and helped him get adjusted.

Dean went for it straight away, kissing Cas firmly on the mouth, deepening it when he felt Cas respond. “I want you, Cas,” Dean panted into his mouth.

Cas kissed back, but asked, “Are you sure you are okay and not too tired, Love?”

Nodding, Dean answered, “Mmmmhmmm and I wanna ride you, babe. I want you to get me ready and help me, please?”

Cas could hardly refuse Dean anything in their relationship, and he nodded, smiling as he kissed him, open mouthed and pliant. He adjusted Dean onto his back and slipped his hand under his shirt, stroking up and down his side. Dean began to take in sharp uneven breaths, kissing Cas furiously one hand on his shoulder and the other buried in Cas’ thick, soft hair. He scratched his fingernails on Cas’ scalp delighting in the noises it brought out of him.

Cas helped Dean sit up and pulled off his tshirt, then removed his nursing tank. He felt the air hit his chest and he couldn’t help but arch his back. Cas took the hint and kissed his way down Dean’s neck to bestow attention to Dean’s full chest. Dean could not help calling out when he felt Cas’ warm mouth surround his nipple. “Ohhhhh Cas!”  He could feel Cas renew his efforts the more he lost control and noises escaped. Dean was touching Cas anywhere he could reach and doing his best to cant his hips towards Cas’ length grinding into his hip. “Please, babe,” he begged, tugging on his hair as he continued his attentions to Dean’s nipples. “So sensitive, Love. You make the best noises…” Cas whispered, the breath ghosting over his dampened chest. He turned quickly to get the lube they kept in the top drawer of the bed side table.

“My back, babe. I gotta turn on my side or something,” Dean said feeling his back ache from the lack of support. Cas rolled him on his side so they faced each other and then lifted Dean’s leg up onto his hip so that he had access to work him open. Dean was eager and felt himself relax pretty easily as Cas inserted finger after finger, preparing him as carefully as Cas always did. He felt so worshipped when Cas took care of him when they had sex. This was what people meant when they talked about making love. This was more than sex, Cas was always more than sex, it was their love in physical form.

“How does that feel, Dean? You ready?” Cas asked softly. “Still want to ride me, Love or do you want me to take care of you?”

Dean nodded, “I’m good and I want you on your back, okay?” Cas rolled over to his back and helped Dean get a leg over him. Cas held his face in his hands and brushed a thumb across his bottom lip as Dean lined Cas’ cock up to his entrance and sank slowly down. “Dean, I love you…I love you, my sweet Lovebug,” Cas whispered, eyes shimmering, one tear falling down the side of his face, trailing into his ear.

“Hmmmmmm, love you too, Cas. Don’t cry, babe, why are you crying/” Dean asked as he bottomed out against Cas’ hips.

Cas wrapped one hand around Dean’s hip half sobbing, half smiling and laughing, “Just love you so much…”

Dean rolled his hips causing Cas to gasp and thrust up into him. Dean raised himself up on his knees a little and leaned forward to kiss Cas, “Fuck me, babe. Make us feel good, huh?” Cas groaned and fucked up into Dean in earnest. Each thrust brushed Dean’s prostate and brought then both closer to orgasm. Cas’ hands went from Dean’s hips to his chest and back. Dean balanced himself on Cas’ chest and felt his orgasm build as his legs began to burn. “Hurry babe, hurry…I need to come…touch me…I need it.”

Cas thrust fervently and grasped Dean’s dripping cock in his hand thumbing the head to help slick the strokes. It wasn’t long before one of Cas thrusts timed perfectly with Cas’ thumb brushing the head of Dean’s cock, throwing Dean into the abyss of his orgasm. He cried out as he tumbled, “Caaaaaaasss!”

Cas followed after just a few more thrusts, holding Dean to him as they kissed through the blissful aftershocks.

Cas eased Dean onto his side and got warm washcloths to clean them both up. Cas wriggled back into bed with Dean and the two cuddled and snuggled, whispering back and forth about the baby an when they thought he or she would come. “We’re gonna be dad’s, babe,” Dean said with wonder in his voice. “Yes, Dean, yes we are…very soon you will have our baby…and make us dads,” Cas answered, still sniffling with emotion. “Do you think boy or girl, Love?”

“I don’t know, Cas, but I really can’t wait to find out.”

 


	20. May the Force Be With You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean is overdue and Cas finds him a distraction from the waiting. They meet up with an old acquaintance while there. Dean has a scare and both Cas and Sam have their moments of fear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has begun! Let the made up medical shit tag come into effect!! LOL Our little family is about to go where they have not gone before and it will be interesting to say the least. Dean panics a bit, then get the impression that he is better at labor than he originally thought. OOOPS! He is sadly mistaken...and will find out next chapter.
> 
> Also, reaaly rough edit, so if you find a glaring error, let me know and I will fix it. Thanks...

Over the next few hours, Dean napped and then slowly his energy level returned to his pregnant normal. He still felt excitement every time he thought of the baby, but he no longer felt the unbridled compulsion to clean or fuss with things in the bunker or better yet, the nursery. By Saturday morning, they had all settled back into a routine and some sort of regularity, though Dean was becoming frustrated at the lack of contractions starting.  He and Cas were showering when Cas reminded him that the new Star Wars had come out the day before. “Would you like to go see the new Star Wars, Dean? It came out yesterday, but you were kind of busy.”

“I don’t know Cas, I really want to see it, but I’m not sure I can sit that long or even fit in the damn seat like this,” Dean said sounding a little down as he rubbed his hands over his soapy belly.

Cas answered sympathetically, “Dean, sweetheart, I’m sure you can go to the movies comfortably, if you want to. I know you were looking forward to it for a while. We don’t have to go, but it might be a good distraction for us…”

Dean thought a distraction might just be what he needed and he knew wholeheartedly that Cas needed one. His husband had been his rock throughout the pregnancy, but even more so recently. “You know what, Cas…fuck it! Let’s go!”

Cas smiled as he rinsed his hair and then pulled Dean under the spray with him. “Good, Dean. Let’s ask Sam if he wants to go too.”

Dean felt his stomach drop a bit. He thought that Cas was asking him out on a date and god damn it he felt himself start to pout and thought he might even cry…fucking hormones. This was certainly nothing to get upset over, he could just have told Cas how he felt. He turned from Cas and fought to get himself under control.

He felt Cas turn off the water and step out of the shower to get their towels. Dean remained quiet as they dried off. He could see Cas becoming concerned but didn’t open his mouth for fear of stupidly losing it.

“Dean, Love…are you alright?” Cas asked brow wrinkled in concern.

He simply nodded at his husband even though he knew it was a lie. He took a deep breath and found his voice. “Cas, do you mind if we just go to the movies by ourselves? We could go to dinner and have a date. We don’t have much time left just for us and I was thinking it might even be our last chance-“

“Dean,  of course. I’m sorry I didn’t think of it that way. I’d love for it to be a date. It will be romantic, like our first date, Star Wars. How appropriate that our last date as just a couple would be Star Wars as well,” Cas apologized. He pulled Dean to himself and kissed him soundly.

“Thanks, Cas. I love you,” Dean said as he leaned in for another tender kiss.  He let himself sink into Cas’ arms, relishing the feeling of being held by the man he loved, something he thought he’d never have. They stood there for a few minutes naked, holding each other and exchanging comforts. Cas helped Dean into his robe and they went, hand in hand, back to their room to dress.

*****

The first twinge came to Dean when he was folding towels while watching TV and waiting until it was time to go to dinner. He had been feeling Braxton hicks for a little over a week, the tightness in his belly never having had any pain per se, just felt strange. They continued occasionally throughout the afternoon and Cas had suggested not going out but Dean insisted they were just the hicks and had his heart set on it now that they had made the plans. So at dinner time, they headed to the local Mexican restaurant where Dean scarfed up countless tamales, his favorite rice and refried beans drenched in melted cheese.

They were part way through dinner when Dean noticed that Cas wasn’t digging in to his favorite carne asada. “Everything taste okay, babe? You’re not eating much.”

Cas smiled but it never quite reached his eyes, “Yes, Dean. The food is fine.”

Dean reached across the table and took Cas’ hand in his own, giving it a squeeze and that was all it took. Cas turned a pale pasty white and his breathing became ragged, not like crying, but like anxiety and Dean cupped his husbands face across the table, no easy feat with his big belly.  “Cas, hon? What’s wrong, do you feel okay?”

“Dean…” Cas panted. “I don’t know h-how to even h-hold a baby! W-what if I can’t do it?”

“What, Cas?” Dean answered, becoming worried about Cas’ sudden and unexpected nerves.

“It took me so long to act on my feelings for you, Dean and it nearly killed us. What if I can’t show the baby my feelings and I cannot bond with him or her? What if I drop the baby or hurt the baby by holding them wrong-“

“Jesus, Cas!” Dean said putting down his fork and rubbing his tense belly. He was having another Braxton hick.  “You nearly gave me a fucking heart attack. I thought you meant you didn’t want to have the baby!”

“Oh, no, Dean. I love the baby, I just never thought about the fact that you may be going into labor and I have never had any infant experience. I completely forgot that we-I have to take care of a helpless baby. What if my previous angel status takes over and I don’t know how to interact or show the baby affection.” “Cas, sweetheart, it won’t be hard at all. This is why I told you in baby class that you might want to hold the baby and get some handling experience, but you will be fine. You have taken such good care of me, babe.  I think we will both be a little nervous, at first, but we can do this Cas, I know we can!”

“Dean, would you mind if I came over and sat next to you while we ate?” Cas asked staring down at the table.

“No, babe. Come on over,” Dean began to move Cas’ food to his side of the table while Cas got up and moved. As he sat, he leaned into Dean and buried his face into his husband’s neck. Dean wrapped him in his arms and held on for a long time. He felt Cas’ breathing even out and when Cas finally lifted his head, he looked less stressed. “Thank you, Dean. I’m not trying to put more stress on you, I’m sorry. I’m just worried.”

“No problem, babe, but how long have you been holding that one in…sheesh. You’re alright, you know that don’t you? We will tag team this whole thing, you and me, alright?” Dean smiled at Cas and brought their foreheads together. “Cas, man, you gotta tell me things before they get so bad. I thought you were gonna pass out on me there for a minute.”

“Sure Dean, since you’re such an example of transparency,” Cas teased

“Shut up Cas and eat your meat!” Dean barked with little bite. He heard Cas snicker at what he said, “Oh now we are going all eighth grade ‘cause I said meat, are we?”

Cas kissed Dean on the cheek and then picked up his fork. They both relaxed bantered back and forth the rest of their meal.

*****

Dean and Cas bought popcorn, water and m&m’s at the concession counter before finding their seats. Dean could feel the eyes on him as people purchased tickets and snacks. There were warm smiles and even sympathetic looks from others Dean assumed had been in his shoes. He knew he was enormously pregnant and as he felt his face heating, he reached for Cas’ hand. Cas responded to the touch reflexively, by threading their fingers together and bringing Dean’s hand to his mouth for a kiss. They took their food, walked into the theater, hands still clasped and chose two seats in the front row of the second section so Dean would have leg room and the ability to get up to use the restroom. It was a long movie. Cas put the snacks in his folded seat while helped Dean unwrap and sit. It was February in Kansas and near zero in temp, so Dean and Cas were bundled.

Cas helped Dean remove his scarf, gloves and warm pregnancy coat. He couldn’t help but think of the times before when he hunted and never wore more than a canvas jacket over layers of shirts. Now here they were, he even wore a scarf. Allowing himself those comforts was a big deal to Dean. It meant a level of safety had sunk into his skin that he could wear more encumbering clothing. He wasn’t always announcing the best exit, though he still did that mentally when they went somewhere. He couldn’t run now anyway, with his belly so big.

Cas had an arm under his elbow and was helping Dean lower down into the folding seat when he heard a familiar voice, “Damn the front row is taken.” When Cas stepped over and cleared his view, he saw Nick from breastfeeding class and the man he recognized from the video as his husband.

“Hey, Nick isn’t it?” Dean asked as Cas settled in the seat next to him.

“Yeah, hey there, Dean and Cas, right, from nursing class? This is my husband, Eric,” Nick said motioning to the tall muscular man with him.

The couple greeted and then Nick and his husband scooted past them to sit in the front row a few seats down, saying they liked it for the leg room too and usually sat where Dean and Cas were in case the baby fussed.

Nick laughed, “It’s been so long since we went to a movie without a baby, we won’t know what to do when it finally happens.” They all laughed about that and then discussed Dean’s almost week past due date. Their baby, Lucy, was as sweet as ever and dressed in warm but delightfully pink clothes as Nick tucked her into the sling against his chest.

“You like that sling, Nick?’ Dean asked as he watched the baby snuggle in.

“Oh my God, if you don’t have one of these go right to Target after this movie and get two. Then you always have a clean one. It is a fucking godsend,” Nick swore. “Language, Nick!” Eric piped in.

“Sorry hon.” Nick leaned over to kiss his husband who said, “We don’t swear at home in front of the older kids, and Nick lets is rip when we are out, but he forgets other people have their kids here tonight. We are screening it so we can bring the older ones who are ready to see it.”

“Ha,” Nick laughed. “Don’t let him fool you. We are here because _someone_ has a thing for Harrison Ford.”

Cas chuckled and pointed at Dean behind his back, “I can completely understand that. How many kids do you have?” Dean pretended to be offended, but there was no hiding that Harrison Ford was one of his man crushes.

“We have four more at home and little Lucy here. We started young, like oops young but we wouldn’t change a thing, huh Nick?” Eric said warmly. Nick shook his head and Dean swore he saw a little blush.

Cas answered just as warmly, “We started older, oops older, but we wouldn’t change it either.” Dean _knew_ he was blushing.

“Having any contractions yet?” Nick asked.

“Just those fake Braxton things, but they come and go and never get closer than like 20 minutes apart,” Dean explained.

“You know Dean, Braxton Hicks never develop into a rhythm and they are usually caused by movement such as walking. If you are having tightening in your belly and it’s regular when you are sitting, it’s probably the start of your labor,” Nick informed him.

Dean turned to Cas who had heard it as well and they both nervously put their hands on Dean’s belly. He indeed did have multiple tightening of his stomach throughout the movie, rubbing his belly through each one, not because it was painful, but just tight. Cas put his head on Dean’s shoulder as they watched and it was unstated but they both knew this would be their last movie without a baby for a while as well. When it was over they said good night to Nick, Eric and baby Lucy.

As they went their separate ways, Nick leaned in to Dean and said, “I think you are in early labor, Dean. They were about 20 minutes apart through the movie.”

“Yeah, but they didn’t hurt, just felt tight?” Dean said curiously.

“They build man, they just build, you’ll see. Nice to see you guys and May the Force be With You!” he finished in a formal Star Wars voice.

They all laughed as they went back out into the frigid cold. Cas and Dean shot right over to target and purchased two slings before they went home to tell Sam about the supposed contractions.

*****

Cas hit the books as soon as they got home and read up on Braxton Hicks as Dean explained to Sam what Nick had said at the movies. Sam was excited for them and suggested everyone get to bed early given what was coming up. “Okay, Mom,” Dean teased but he was tired and sitting in the theatre seat hadn’t been very comfortable and his back was sore, down low. They got ready for bed and Cas sat up on pillows against the headboard reading the carrier book while Dean lay on his left side and tried to relax. Cas read to him and they refreshed their memories about the early stages of labor. Finally Cas turned out the light and spooned around Dean. “We’ll be okay, Love. We can do it, _you_ can do it.” They dozed off with their hands on Dean’s belly and the baby moving beneath them.

He woke several times in the night, and each time the contractions seemed more intense, but nothing that kept him from falling back to sleep. Sometimes Cas noticed and stroked his belly or scratched his fingernails on his scalp, other times Dean let him sleep.

Dean woke to an empty bed, apparently he was going in and out of labor or something because it was ten in the morning and he felt like he had slept for several hours without interruption. He got up and wandered to the bathroom. As he was walking, he felt a less than pleasant sensation between his thighs, like he might have had an accident in his sound sleep. He didn’t smell anything, but he certainly felt it. When he got to the bathroom he dropped his underwear, he actually had to step out of them to see around his belly as to what condition they were in. He had read that you could have a series of bowel movements to prepare your body for birth and he assumed that was what he was going to find. What he found instead looked like snot and blood, and a large amount of it. Signal the panic alarms.

“Cas! Cas! Jesus fucking Christ!” he yelled before he even knew he had said it out loud. In all of Dean’s experiences in like, panic sounded like the ocean rushing in his ears. It was like that now but still he heard the thumping of two people running down the hallway towards the bathroom. He didn’t even register that he was standing in only a t shirt in front of his brother, and Sam didn’t care either.

“Dean, what is it? What’s wrong,” Cas shouted as he grabbed Dean’s shoulders. He followed Dean’s eyes down to the underwear on the floor and Dean watched the color drain from his husband’s face. “What the fuck is that, Cas?” Dean asked in a shaky voice. Suddenly Sam ran and disappeared from the bathroom, but Cas just spoke calmly, “I think it’s okay Dean. I think it is supposed to happen, the book called it the mucous plug. I think it means your cervix is opening, hang on.”

“You think?” Dean asked incredulously. “That looks like blood to me Cas, blood. Blood is never good.”

Sam reappeared out of breath holding his laptop. “It’s called the show or the plug, it’s mucous and a little blood and it means your cervix is opening. It’s okay. It looks normal compared the pics online…see.” He turned the laptop so they could see and they all agreed it looked typical and extremely gross. They all stood there catching their breath until they awkwardly realized Dean was naked from the waist down and Sam excused himself. Cas helped Dean shower and then put on new underwear and a tank with comfortable pajama pants and a new t shirt.  

No more blood came out but a little more mucous did. Cas wanted to call the doctor anyway and he got no argument from Dean. The office was closed because it was Sunday, but he called the service and Dr. Qalla returned his call reassuring them both that Dean was fine and what to look for if he wasn’t. He told them it probably meant that Dean was going into labor based on the fact that he had been having contractions and encouraged them to check their bags and then rest as much as possible until labor began in earnest. They definitely felt better after talking to the doctor, but they were a little stunned in general.

They did check their bags and spent some time in the nursery together, quietly going over all the new things that were simply waiting for the baby to come and use them.

When Dean’s stomach growled, they both laughed and headed to the kitchen where Sam was making pancakes. He had already cut up a bowl of fruit earlier. It was what he and Cas were doing when Dean called. When Dean and Cas entered the room, Sam turned to them, “Doc say everything was okay?”

“Yeah, you were right, it was the plug or whatever. Thanks, Sam. I was a little-“ Suddenly Dean found himself wrapped in Sam’s firm embrace. Sam clapped him on the back gently a few times before Dean was over the shock and hugged back. “It’s okay Sam, I’m okay,”

“I know you are,” Sam said voice catching slightly. “I was just caught off guard, man. That’s all…How about some pancakes?” Sam slowly released Dean and then hugged Cas as well. No one dared speak for a few minutes but they all dug into pancakes when their throats would let them swallow. Soon the atmosphere returned to normal and they discussed that everything was ready and they just needed to wait for Dean’s labor to regulate and continue. They discussed it like it was a hunt or any other normal situation though each of them felt way out of their league. No one said it, though, no one needed to.

*****

Just as Dean had read about in the carrier book and learned in class, he began to have a series of bowel movements as his body prepared to give birth. He had contractions on and off all day but by four in the afternoon, they were regular though wide apart at twenty minutes. He was able to talk through them and did not need to breathe through them yet, but he was certain he was in labor. All in all Dean was beginning to understand what everyone had been telling him about the contractions building with pain and  he thought he had underestimated how well he could handle the pain. He never saw it coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Dean. Oh Dean, Dean, Dean...you are about to be overwhelmed and you don't even know it. Hang on people, it's gonna be a wild ride!


	21. I'm Okay, You're Okay, We're Okay...Aren't We?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean grossly underestimates labor and regrets not taking childbirth class a tad more seriously. Cas, who did pay very close attention thank you very much, takes control. Sam supports them both and calls the family. Then, the unthinkable...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Labor suffering and fluff! I love this part. Dean fears being a wimp, Cas lovingly supports him and all the nitty gritty details...

Cas was the most supportive, loving, patient person in the world, Dean was sure of it. He was also sure that he, Dean Winchester, was the biggest fool to ever walk the earth. He was kneeling on the floor in front of the sofa with his head buried in Cas’ lap and not in the sexy way. He rocked his hips back and forth as Cas rubbed his hands up and down Dean’s back trying to alleviate the pain. The very pain that Dean was sure he could handle, now handled him quite easily.

His contractions were fifteen minutes apart and had been for some time. At four he had been confident and almost cocky, but over the next two hours the intensity steadily increased. He was now having a strong, minute long contraction every fifteen minutes and realizing that it was going to be a long night. Hunting had never seemed easy until Dean compared it to being in labor. Cas pulled Dean up when the contraction ended and hugged him carefully, “You are doing so well, Dean. You really are.”

“Bullshit Cas, but thanks anyway.” Dean said with their foreheads pressed together. Cas pulled back and wrote in his little notebook. “Do you think you need to unri- I mean pee?” They had discussed Cas’ use of medical terminology hour two of the intense contractions.  Cas was very organized and, clearly to Dean, well versed in the labor process. Thank God someone had paid attention in class, though Dean kind of regretted it not being him about now. “Yeah I think I could pee again.”

Cas called Sam and the two of them got Dean up off the floor. He waddled to the bathroom; hand on his back, dreading the next wave of pain. He sat to pee with Cas’ help and waited for his bladder to cooperate. Finally he emptied his bladder and Cas helped him back up and even pulled up his pants. “I’m sorry, Cas. I should be able to do more. I just…”

“Dean, Love…I’m here to help you in any way you need it. Don’t apologize, please,” Cas soothed. He held Dean and rubbed his hands up and down his back, squeezing his lower back where most of the pain seemed to be settling. Dean just nodded with his head on Cas’ shoulder. “Let’s walk a bit, Dean, it will help the labor progress, okay.”

They walked around the map room and living area alcove, hand in hand, as the next contraction began. “Here it comes, babe.” He leaned into Cas’ shoulder and grabbed handfuls of his flannel shirt as the pain rose towards the peak. “Breathe Dean,” Cas encouraged as Dean felt him shift and ready himself to support Dean’s weight through the contraction. “Breathe slow and easy, slow and easy.” Dean had not really applied himself to the breathing yet. He mostly held his breath and waited for it to end. Cas encouraged but it was getting harder and Dean was worried. He had felt pain before, lots of pain. This was a different caliber of pain, in parts that were so tender it brought him to his knees, literally.

“Dean, it’s time to start breathing through the contractions like we learned in class. You are barely able to stay on top of the pain anymore. When the next one comes, I’m going to coach you through it, and I’m not taking no for an answer,” Cas insisted firmly but gently at the same time.

“Okay, but I need to lie down for a while,” Dean conceded.

“Couch or bed, Dean?” Cas asked, holding Dean close and rubbing his belly. “Bed,” was his reply. “Cas?”  Dean continued as they walked. He could feel the rush of emotion as tears filled his eyes. He was beginning to panic. “I-I-I don’t remember the br-breathing. I c-can’t…” suddenly he was simply overwhelmed by the whole situation. Tears flowed down his face as he sobbed like a hysterical, scared child. Fuck it! He was scared. His belly was huge and where the baby had to come out was so small. How was it ever going to happen and him be normal afterwards? He was ready, but not ready, he was all over the place in his thoughts.  He cried and he couldn’t help it, he couldn’t even continue walking so that Cas could get him to bed. He stood in the map room, flood gates open and let it all out. Cas held him and tried desperately to soothe him. Sam came to help and patted Dean’s back as Cas just held Dean until he calmed down enough to move his feet.

“Come on love, walk with me to the bedroom. I promise, we can do this, you’ll see,” Cas said as Dean hiccupped and tried to catch his breath.

“I’m sorry, I’m really s-sorry,” Dean said between ragged breaths.

“Man, you don’t have to be sorry, Dean. It’s hard and overwhelming,” Sam said. “I’d panic too, but Dean you have to listen to Cas now. He knows how to help you, okay? Listen to Cas.” Dean nodded, he could see now that they were as upset as he was. Both looked teary eyed thought neither were actually crying.

When they reached the bedroom Cas helped Dean lay down and covered him with the blankets. “Listen, Dean. You’re going to have your next contraction any minute and as soon as it starts I want you to listen to me and do what I say as well as you can. You remember in class they talked about a focal point? That’s a thing or place you think about when you have a contraction and breathe. Can you pick something to think about? I can help you remember it every time you have a contraction and it will help you find a quiet place to breathe. Understand?”

“I don’t know what to pick. What would you pick, Cas?” Dean asked, earnestly.

“Let’s worry about you picking, Dean. It should be something comforting that is important to you and makes you feel happy. It’s supposed to be a thing, not a person. Where do you feel the most relaxed and happy, Dean?”

“Well, wherever you are really. But if I had to pick a place, I would pick anywhere in Baby, I think,” Dean said thoughtfully.

Cas smiled at him with the kind of smile that made Dean feel gooey inside, “I was going to suggest that but I didn’t want to pressure you.” He heard Sam chuckle in the doorway. “You call me if you need me, Cas. I’ll let you guys get settled a bit. I’m gonna go make a few phone calls and let people know this is not a drill.”

“Thanks Sam. Now Dean, relax and think about riding down the highway in Baby with the windows down and the tape player blasting music. You like that, right?” Cas encouraged, stroking his fingers through Dean short hair.  Dean nodded and closed his eyes. Cas took his hand and placed two fingers in his palm. “Now you tell me when it starts by squeezing my two fingers, then you just concentrate on my voice and think about Baby. That’s all you have to do, Love.” As they waited, Cas asked Dean to describe what it was like for him to sit in Baby, he asked about how it felt, how it smelled and sounded.

Dean answered all of Cas’ questions and could feel himself starting to calm down. He felt the contraction start and squeezed Cas’ fingers. “Alright, Dean, take a deep breath and let it out… Now breathe in 2, 3, 4 and out 2, 3, 4…in 2, 3 4, out 2, 3, 4…” Cas counted Dean through the entire contraction and the next few. The first few weren’t perfect but they eventually worked out a rhythm and Dean even lay relaxed with his eyes closed in between. He felt like he was getting the hang of it and was even getting a little rest. It was still painful, and getting more painful, but the breathing kept the panic at bay and Dean felt like he wasn’t fighting the contractions anymore.

They continued the breathing for a couple of hours when Cas said that the contractions were nearing twelve minutes apart. “See, Dean, relaxing let’s your body do the work. You’re doing so well Dean.” Somehow Dean got a sense that  his labor was actually progressing. He could feel the contractions working their way down his body and with the breathing he felt a semblance of control. He was aware of Cas scratching his scalp or rubbing his arm and kissing him after every pain and he knew Sam was there occasionally, but he was in some sort of zen-like zone. Of course that was when his body decided to kick it up a notch.

*****

It was all Cas could do to keep himself from crying when Dean broke down. He sounded so frightened and Cas felt so guilty that Dean had to do all of the suffering, but he knew that Dean needed Cas to be strong for him, so he was. He had been watching and attempting to comfort Dean all afternoon, but so far his husband had ignored his pleas for Dean to breathe through the contractions. When Dean could no longer withstand the contractions without crying out, he completely lost it and Cas knew he had to take control.

Now here they were two hours later and Dean’s contractions were closer together at twelve minutes apart and Dean was able to focus and breathe his way through each one. Sometimes Dean held his hand, sometimes he rubbed his own tense belly but always he reached for Cas after exhaling the final deep breath and brought their lips together. It was as if Dean made it through the contraction just for the reward of getting to kiss him. They were sweet, chaste kisses, but Dean either grabbed a handful of Cas’ flannel or buried his fingers in Cas’ hair to hold him there for just a minute to ground himself for the next one. Cas understood, for the kiss acted as a reward for him too, for watching his true love suffer nearly unbearable pain without giving in to the desire to cry out on his behalf. It grounded him, prepared him for helping through the next round of Dean’s necessary anguish. They continued on like this until Dean’s needs dictated their next move.

Following a particularly fierce contraction, Dean relayed his urge to use the bathroom again and after washing their hands, Dean decided a change of scenery and position would be nice. Cas followed Dean to the nursery where he stood and leaned on the side of the crib for a few contractions. Cas rubbed his lower back as Dean swayed his hips rhythmically head bowed down on his crossed arms. Between contractions, Dean looked around the room and even smiled occasionally. Cas whispered sweet words of encouragement and Dean let him, seeming to absorb them like pain medication. He turned a for a while they rocked almost as if slow dancing through a few pains, Cas bracing his feet to support his husband who nearly hung off of him at the peak of each one, before huffing his way down and sucking in a deep breath at the end, relieved for it to be momentarily over. Dean claimed his reward kiss greedily each time, thanking Cas and telling him, “Thank you, Cas, you’re really a huge help. I’m okay, don’t look so worried…we’re okay.” Cas smiled a weak smile but felt a tiny sliver of relief that Dean could voice those feelings to him. It meant that Cas was coaching him well, for now.

Every once in a while Sam would check in, letting them know Bobby and Jody were on their way, offering them both drinks and then they would talk about the meticulous annotations in Cas’ little notebook. After one such conversation, Cas said, “Dean we are really close to needing to go to Mankato. We’re going to time the next few contractions and if they are consistently ten minutes apart, we are going to head out, okay?” Dean just nodded and leaned his head against the cushion of the rocker footstool where he knelt on the fluffy rug as the next contraction came. Dean moaned a bit on this one and Cas was there with a firm hand on his back and two fingers to squeeze, having learned that offering a whole hand could result in almost having it broken in Dean’s clutch. “Ohhhhh, mannnnnn,” Dean called out quietly as he exhaled. “It’s alright, Dean. I’m here, breathe through it, love,” Cas encouraged, rubbing firmly with his fingers in Dean’s lower back. He swore Dean would have permanent grooves from the pressure but Dean swore it helped immensely, so Cas had continued the firm ministrations.

Sure enough after a few had passed, Sam nodded to Cas that they were ready for the trip to the birthing center. Dean however had hauled himself to his feet as was currently removing his pants. “Dean, what are you doing?”

With his eyes closed and a little trance-like Dean answered, “Can’t wear ‘em anymore on my belly.” As if to prove his point when the offending pants were gone, Dean opened his eyes and smiled as he rubbed his now waistband free belly in delight, sighing at the feel of the sensation. “Better…” Sam and Cas semi-argued with him about it being winter and needing to be warm in the car, anything to get Dean in pants and headed toward the car. Six more contractions came and went before they won the battle and Dean had on a coat, a scarf,  and pants with the waistband below his belly, Cas holding them on as Sam ran, literally, with the two bags to the impala and then met Cas and Dean coming down the hall towards the garage. Cas had somehow managed to get himself into clean clothes, boots and his trench coat(some things are just hard to let go of), as well as Dean into boots, though they were untied. He knelt to the floor roughly tying them so Dean would not trip on the laces. Unfortunately, the six contractions had moved Dean to the point where his contractions were more like eight minutes apart, which would have been fine if it were not already approaching eleven o’clock and they had a forty minute ride ahead of them.

Cas got in the back seat and sidled up to the car seat that was already installed and waiting, just as a contraction hit Dean. Without contact with Cas Dean panicked a bit but couldn’t move to get in the car. They got him through it with Cas talking from inside the car and rubbing his belly and Sam supporting him from with an arm around his shoulders. It was the first time  Dean was not able to stay on top of the wave of pain and as it crested he hollered out, “Jesus Christ! This fucking sucks!” Then Cas was sure he heard Dean grumble, “I get two for that one.” Sure enough as he scooted back over by the car seat and Sam helped Dean climb in; he grabbed Cas and kissed him, not once, but twice. Then Dean clumsily settled himself horizontally into Cas’ lap. He held Dean much the way you would hold a baby in your arms, only of course much more of Dean hung off his lap and onto the seat next to them. Dean had to curl his legs just a bit because the length was shortened by the addition of the little seat awaiting their baby, but they fit comfortably and Cas told Sam they were ready to go.

After covering Dean with a blanket, Sam climbed in the driver’s seat with his back pack and both the labor bag and the baby bag and Dean’s favorite pillow with a clean case of it on the seat next to him. Cas felt relief and he knew Sam did as well, that they were a mere car ride from back up and professional guidance for the rest of Dean’s labor. “Everybody ready?” he asked as he started the engine and hit the automatic garage door opener. Cas was calming Dean through his next contraction, helping him get back to his groove when he heard Sam exclaim, “Holy Shit! NO, NO, NO!” He looked up over the front seat and out the windshield to see what had Sam so upset. The snow was falling in thick swirls to the ground. Cas swallowed audibly. It was a complete whiteout.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm panicking and it's not even real...and I'm writing it...
> 
> Let me know how you feel about now...Christmas break is here and the more encouragement, the more motivation i feel...


	22. The Road is Long…and Snowy…and Paved With Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trio heads out for the birthing center, hoping for the best and finding the worst...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to say that I had my first child in February in the snow belt of Upstate NY and though this never happened to us, it was my husband's biggest fear, god rest him...  
> This chapter is a tad shorter, but my shoulders are so tense, I feel like I am Cas in the back seat hanging on to a laboring Dean and I need a break!

“Sam?” Cas asked quietly not needing to finish the question.

“Jesus, Cas. I never thought to check the fucking weather. It wasn’t supposed to snow, so I didn’t track it,” Sam explained with his head craned back to look at Cas and his brother laboring in the back seat. The guilt covered Sam like the very snow that caused it. He could see Dean breathing and the contraction ending. He needed to ask Dean a question when he wasn’t in pain, actually two questions, and he hoped Dean was able to focus and answer.

As if on cue, Dean sat up to find out what was going on. “What’s up Sammy, why aren’t you driving yet?” He finished the sentence just as he focused on the windshield. “What the actual fuck, Sam?”

“I know, Dean. It wasn’t supposed to snow, and I didn’t track it, but Dean…I have to know if you think I can drive baby through this. Do we even want to attempt the drive?” Sam’s desperation was evident.

Cas piped in, “I’m going to call the doctor first. If he is here in town still, maybe Dean could have the baby in the clinic, right here.”  “Good idea, babe,” Dean said.

They sat tight while Cas spoke with the answering service for the practice.  “Dr. Qalla is already at the birth center, he had deliveries earlier and he stayed when Sam called to say Dean was progressing.” Cas looked all shades of green after the call. 

“Tank’s full, drive steady…Baby can handle it,” Dean said as the next contraction started to build.

Cas helped Dean settle back down and breathe as Sam pulled out of the garage and onto the road. He was relieved that the snow wasn’t as deep as he had initially thought, but it would get deeper quickly at this rate. The road felt slippery under the tires, but surely the town and county would have the sanders and plows out as they moved towards the highways. He concentrated on the road ahead and hoped. He looked in the rearview mirror at his brother and brother in law and hoped to hell he could get them to the center on time.

Getting across town wasn’t too bad, and as Dean labored away under Cas’ watchful eye, Sam prayed. He prayed that the plows were out on the highway to Mankato. He soon found out he was wrong, the plows had not hit the side of the road they were driving on. _Drive steady, Baby can handle it_ , Dean had told him, so Sam did just that. He kept the car steady on the road and drove as quickly as he thought was safe. There was no way to see the actual road, but there were tire tracks ahead of him and he had no choice but to put his faith in them and follow along. In clear weather, they would have arrived at the center a little after midnight, they would be lucky to arrive by one in the morning at this rate. He needed to focus on staying on the road, but he could hear Dean in the back seat and it renewed his concern about getting him there in time.

*****

Cas kept track of the time and the contractions in his notebook under the minimal glow of the yellow overhead light. He glanced up into the rearview mirror occasionally and met Sam’s eyes, full of concern for his brother in the backseat. He held Dean and shushed him through every contraction, wiping the occasional tear with his thumb and the sweat from his brow, despite the back seat being chilly. He helped Dean stay calm by combing his hand through his hair the way he knew Dean liked it. The pains were getting closer and lasting longer. Dean was breathing well, but even still, he was hurting more and Cas wanted him to be at the center with help to deliver. He couldn’t bear the thought of Dean having to deliver in the middle of a snowstorm in a car, regardless of it being Baby. They had no water, only the one extra blanket, barely any light and at the rate they were driving would eventually be out of gas. Cas’ worst fear for his family was that when they engine no longer ran, there would be no heat.

They had been on the road for almost an hour. It was midnight and Sam had been pleased with their progress on the highway until this point, but Cas could feel him driving slower. He looked up and Sam mouthed _, it’s getting bad_. Sam’s puppy dog eyes were enough to tell Cas the position they were in at this point. Sam, who had been silent up to this point in an effort to concentrate and to let Dean concentrate, spoke up, “How’s it going, Dean? You okay, man?”

Dean nodded, having just come down from the last contraction. “They’re closer, aren’t they babe?” Cas looked grey and like he might keel over soon as he forced a smile and answered, “We’re down to five minutes apart, Dean and you’re doing a great job.” There was a mixture of pride and fear in Dean’s smile at Cas’ comment.

“How much longer, Sam?” Dean nearly pleaded. Cas knew Dean had remained calm thus far, but it was becoming harder for him. He could only imagine the scene running thorough his husbands mind about the three of them delivering the baby in Baby. If that thought scared Cas as much as it did, Dean must be thoroughly petrified.

“We’re about two thirds of the way there, Dean but the way the snow is falling, the roads will be impassible soon. The tire tracks ahead of us are nearly filled in and without those, we won’t be able to move for fear of going off the road and getting stuck somewhere,” Sam answered with the painfully honest truth.

“Jesus fucking Christ!” Dean swore and then looked up from his husbands lap and when their eyes connected, the reality of the situation seemed to hit him and he whispered, “Cas, no…”

“Easy, Dean…easy,” Cas soothed. “Sam is going get us there, “Right, Sam!” It was more of a demand than a request.  “Your job is just to hang on here and keep breathing, stay calm and be ready when to have our baby when we get to the center. Focus on the contractions and breathe. Leave the rest up to us, okay sweetheart?”

Sam gave Cas an equally frightened, yet more determined look in the mirror and began driving again. It took a minute of panicky tire spins but then the Impala inched forward a little more and they were moving. Dean’s eyes were closed as he rested his head in Cas’ lap. Cas looked at Sam and mouthed a tight lipped, “Don’t stop. Get us there.”

*****

Dean centered himself on the feeling of Cas running his fingers through his hair. It was a tiny sliver of pleasure in the middle of each painful contraction and in the respite between. They were coming closer together and lasting longer, and despite the fact that he was terrified of Sam and Cas having to deliver the baby in the cold, dark backseat of the car, he was willing himself to focus on Cas’ coaching and remain calm. For fuck’s sake, none of them even knew how the baby would actually come out. Somehow he knew that if he let himself fall over the edge he was so delicately balancing on, he would never regain his control. The only thing he could think of that would be worse than the current situation, was if he were unable to contain the pain and added himself shouting with every contraction. He forced himself to treat this like a hunt, he could do anything to get through one hunt. He would allow himself noise and emotion and comfort after the hunt.

A few contractions later, the family’s worst fear came true. He couldn’t see what was up ahead from his vantage point in the backseat, but he could hear the rush of the wind and feel it blow the front end of the Impala to the right as it gusted and he knew it must be bad. Sam had stopped the car and called to Cas, who tore his eyes from Dean’s mid contraction to look up ahead. Dean continued to pant and puff until the contraction ended, feeling Cas’ grip on his shoulder tighten. He heard Sam say he was calling the birthing center as Cas’ eyes came back down to meet his once again.

Dean marveled at how Cas’ beautiful blue eyes could tell the story of his soul in once glance. The story they told now contained, fear, bravery, and desperation all in one flash of blue and blink of dark lashes. “Dean…” Cas paused as if collecting himself, one tear falling down his cheek to be quickly wiped away and his throat cleared. “Love, we seem to have driven as far as possible for the time being. We are behind other cars, we can see the red of their tail lights. No one seems to be moving. I am sure they are simply waiting for the plows which will be along any minute, okay?” He finished and leaned in to kiss Dean softly on the lips. Dean knew he was trembling, but held it together when he felt Cas’ lips move against his and heard him whisper, “I’m here, Dean. I’m here. I’ll take care of you.” He just nodded against the promise and held on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my...how will they ever get out of this mess in time...if they do...


	23. Just in the Nick of Time...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The storm rages on and Dean's labor progresses. Cas and Sam are forced to prepare for the worst, the possibility of having to help Dean deliver the baby in the car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of reality stretching here...but go with it and enjoy the drama...
> 
> Also, poorly edited as I am tired and my daughter is home for the holidays. feel free to report any glaring errors!

Cas could hear Sam talking to someone at the birthing center and explaining their situation. Then the conversation to a turn, ”Listen ma’am, I don’t want to be rude but it’s a little hard to _remain calm_ when my brother is in full blown labor in the back seat of the car and we are fucking stuck on the highway, buried up to our asses in the snow. How about _you_ get me someone to talk to that can actually help me with my situation…NOW!”

“Sam?” Cas asked softly.

“It’s okay, Cas. I’m sorry I yelled. Hang in there, Dean. I’m gonna get us some help, alright Buddy,” Sam reassured them. “Hello? Hello? Yes, I have Dean Winchester, patient of Dr. Qalla. He is in labor and we are stuck on the highway outside of Mankato in the storm.” Sam paused as he seemed to be listening. “Yes, the contractions are-Cas how far apart are they now?”

“About five minutes, Sam.”

“They are about five minutes apart.”

Cas turned back to Dean who was now laying on the seat with his head on the pillow Sam had brought. Cas was kneeling in the foot well of the back seat next to Dean rubbing his closed fist into the small of dean’s back during each contraction. Dean was past following any formal breathing pattern and simply zoning out and doing what felt comfortable every time they hit. He was a trooper, dealing with unbearable pain with only an occasional whine or whimper. Cas wiped his forehead as he shook and trembled through one pain after the next, remaining remarkable calm. He knew Dean trusted him to help him, to find a way out of this mess for him, for their little family. 

Cas silently cursed his lack of grace. With his grace he could snap his fingers and all would be well. He swallowed his curse and forced himself to think of how to get Dean somewhere safe. He and Sam had made a pact to keep their phone batteries for the potential delivery but in desperation, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and called the only man besides Cas and Sam who had never let Dean down.  “Bobby, it’s Cas. Where are you? We need to get Dean out of here and into that center, and I don’t know how to do that from here. I don’t even know how far out on the highway we are…Yes, I can do that…yes, I will…thanks Bobby.”

Sam was just hanging up the phone from talking to the center when Cas hung up. “They said as long as Dean doesn’t have the urge to push yet, we still have time to make it. They said the plows are working to clear the roads, but they won’t be able to hit the highway until the major roads in town are done, even though they know that we’re out here.”

“I put Bobby on it, Sam. He and Jody are at the center and he said he will find a way to get Dean into town. He called us idjits for not calling sooner.  He said hang on,” Cas announced. “Hang on, my sweet Dean, just a little bit longer, okay?”

Cas looked out the windows into the darkness and realized a little longer was going to be longer than any of them planned and the force of the storm was showing no signs of stopping. He helped Dean through the next few contractions and realized that though Dean had no desire or urge to push now, it couldn’t be much longer until he did. Cas and Sam needed a plan in the very high likelihood that Dean delivered in the Impala. He went into preservation mode, something he remembered from his early days as a homeless human. “Sam, we need to take stock of what we’ve got and what we need, just in case.”

Sam went through the bags and in the front seat and pulled the two bottles of water. He offered one to Cas for Dean and couldn’t believe that they hadn’t thought to offer it to him before. He found a flashlight in the glove box along with a stack of paper napkins. They had the baby clothes and blankets, but Dean had insisted they leave those things packed and clean for if the baby came. Though he hated to let in the cold and blowing snow, Sam went out into the storm to retrieve the first aid kit that Dean had told him about in the trunk. Dean had cleaned out the hunting equipment that he used to store there in preparation for the baby coming. He said he wouldn’t chance having dangerous things in Baby anymore and had locked up the majority of the weapons in the armory down by the firing range. Sam returned to the front seat with the first aid kit. He had found nothing else of use to them.

So, as a resource if Dean were to actually deliver, they had the one blanket and pillow Dean was using now, Cas’ trench coat, Sam’s jacket, two receiving blankets, one swaddle, two baby outfits, two infant snowsuits, three diapers, two pregnancy t shirts and flannels, one pair of maternity jeans, Dean’s winter jacket, one extra bottle of water, a few snacks, the flashlight and the limited medical kit with various bandages, one pair of sterile gloves, materials for stitches, and antibiotic cream. They also had three phones with partial battery power, and 1/8th of a tank of gas left in baby, enough for about three hours at the rate she burned gas.

Sam looked at Cas with all of the items lined up on the front seat. Cas must have looked as grim as he felt with their small cache of helpful items. He whispered, “We planned for a mission to mars to take him furniture shopping and yet I brought him out here, in labor, with nothing. Cas, I’m so sorry. We would have been better off at the bunker. We could have called an ambulance. I let my feelings and fear cloud my judgment, this is all my fault.”

“Sam, don’t.” Cas whispered back, “We both brought him out here, we both chose to leave that bunker, but I need you to, as Dean used to say on a hunt, stow your shit. I can’t stop to think about any of that right now. Bobby told me to be sure our GPS was turned on in all our phones. Mine is, check yours and Dean’s. I have to keep Dean focused and hope to hell Bobby and Jody come up with something. We are going to need more water. Dean needs to drink it and we will need it if he gives birth. An eighth of a tank is three hours you said, then we will have no heat. These are problems that need solutions right now, not blame.”

Sam squeezed Cas’ shoulder, “You’re taking good care of Dean, Cas. Looks like I need to go out and make a few friends. I hate to open the car again, but Dean needs another blanket and some water.”

“Sam, walk from car to car, carefully. Be sure you come back,” Cas instructed Sam to be careful. With a nod, Sam opened the door and went out into the swirling snow.

*****

Dean knew Cas and Sam were whispering things they did not want him to hear. He knew they were in trouble, it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that out, but Dean had made a silent pact with himself to let his brother and his husband handle it. He wasted no energy on anything but the next contraction. He heard the car door squeak open and felt the blast of cold air as Cas turned back to him, “Sam is going to see if he can get any supplies from the other cars. You need more water and another blanket to stay warm until the plows come. Baby has about three hours of gas left and by then-“

“Cas, Babe, I’m okay for now, relax. We read in the book and I’m in active labor, but not ready to push. Just don’t panic yet. I need you-Ohhhh…here’s the next one…hmmmm…” Dean began to breathe in and hum out, his latest method of riding out the pain of the contractions.

“That’s it, Dean…hum it out…good, Dean…” Cas encouraged Dean as he trembled and shook at the peak of the contraction. He breathed his way down and took a deep breath, a cleansing breath, Cas called it. Cas kissed him and Dean held his face close. They were really getting bad, the pain was lower and lower and Dean knew it was a matter of time before nature took over and he would need to push. Just how much time would pass was the question.  A few more contractions passed and worry that Dean promised not to let himself feel began to crawl it’s way into his mind. Where was Sam, why wasn’t he back yet? He was about to ask Cas when the car door whipped open and Sam fell into the car.

“Jackpot,” Sam shouted as he slammed the car door shut and the noise of the storm was dampened. “Nice people in front of us. Six cars in all. They say we are no more than fifteen miles from Mankato. One of the guys has a brother who drives a snowplow for the county and I gave him Bobby’s number. He’s gonna see what they can do. I got two blankets, three bottles of water, an apple juice and a coke. The guy’s wife said give Dean some juice for energy and she also said she would come help us…if it comes to that.” Dean saw the look of relief on Cas’ face at the supplies and the offer of help. Sam warmed up the blankets and then they helped Dean sit up to drink the juice. He couldn’t help but guzzle it down, not realizing how thirsty he actually was. From the front seat, Sam held a kneeling Dean up as Cas laid down one of the blankets on the seat. Dean climbed back on top of the blanket and Cas covered him with the remaining blankets. The car was definitely colder after Sam’s reentering, but he was finally good and warm under the new blankets and he took Cas’ hand just as the next wave hit.

Cas was fantastic, keeping Dean on task and helping him stay in control. He shushed him sweetly when it was too much and a few tears fell, and was ready for the next round of breathing so Dean could stay on top of it. Regardless of the fact that their circumstances were looking grim, Dean could not help but feel excitement that the baby was coming. Cas and Sam dreaded each pain, focusing on the negative aspects, that they were stranded and they did not have what they needed, but Dean welcomed them. He put his faith in fate, that he would not be brought through all of this to have it end in tragedy in the back of the very place he had always felt was home. He knew that every pain brought him closer to meeting their baby, to starting a family and he wasn’t going to deny himself that. “Babe, what time is it?” he asked Cas.

“Almost 1:30 am, Love. You’ve been at this for more than twelve hours now, and I’m so proud of you Dean,” Cas answered brushing Dean’s sweaty hair off his forehead. “We’re gonna be dads, Cas…” Dean smiled as he felt the next contraction wash over him.

By two am Dean was heading into the next phase of labor and he was no longer welcoming the pain that came with it. Cas was desperately trying to help, but Dean was inconsolable with pain and fear of having the baby in the car. Every contraction had him shaking and moaning, clinging to Cas. “It’s alright, Dean…it’s alright…breathe, Love…breathe…”

“Fuck…Cas…” he panted dragging in ragged breaths, “I can’t…” Dean fisted Cas’ trench coat as the pain peaked. He panted his way down the other side of the contraction, throwing off the blankets. The windows of the Impala had been foggy from Dean’s panting with Cas before, but not like this. Dean was, for the first time in his life, sick of being in the Impala, and he needed out. He pulled Cas close to his, “Get me out of this car, Cas. I need to get out of here…owwww!” Dean cried out in true agony for the first time since his labor had started.

Cas slipped his arm under Dean’s head and he enveloped Dean in his arms. “Sweetheart, Dean…it won’t be much longer, Love. Try to breathe through-“

“Aaaaagh, fuck breathing…pleeeease, Cas…please, please…” Dean cried out unable to stop himself.  As the pain finally passed, he came back to himself and realized what he had done, he was embarrassed and apologetic. “I’m so sorry, Cas. I’m trying…I really am.”

“Dean, I know you are. Don’t be sorry, I love you so much. I’ll get you out of here, soon...I promise,” Cas tried desperately to soothe him. He offered him a drink of water, “Have a drink, sweetheart.”

Dean sipped the water, “I’m cold, Cas.” Cas pulled the blankets back up over Dean’s shoulders and kissed Dean on the forehead. He rubbed Dean’s belly, “Get ready, Dean the next contraction will come soon and I want you to focus on my voice…and breathe. I’ll breathe with you, okay. Start now Dean, breathe for me.”

Cas kept Dean focused for the next few contractions. When Dean balked at breathing, Cas got in his face and made him breathe. Between contractions he heard Cas tell Sam that they needed to do something. Dean could hear the desperate tone in their conversation.

It was quiet for a while, except of course when Dean had a contraction. Suddenly, Sam called Cas’ attention to the front of the car. Lights, huge headlights were shining towards the small group of stranded cars and then people approached the Impala. Dean could hear shovels digging and then the front passenger door flew open. They all jumped at the noise and then Bobby ducked his head in and said, Any of you idjits need a ride?” He climbed in and sat down, as the rear passenger door opened and another bundled person piled in the crowded car. Removal of the hat and scarf revealed Dr. Qalla himself.

Dean felt the tension in the car drop by at least half and he heard Cas let out a breath that was almost a sob. He was about to say hello to his doctor when a contraction stole his voice. He breathed and hummed into Cas’ shoulder rocking his right knee to a 90 degree angle and back, seeking relief. Cas whispered his soft words of praise as Dean worked through the pain while Dr. Qalla spoke to him as well.

“Good job, Dean. That’s the way to breathe through it. Relax your body and breathe,” his doctor encouraged.

When the contraction was over Dr. Qalla moved fast, saying he wanted to check how far along Dean was. He asked if Dean had any urges to push or if his water had broken. He was pleased when the answers were no. He had his medical bag out and was opening it, asking Cas to help him slide Dean’s pants off.  Dean balked a little, mostly because he was just fucking exhausted, but Cas was able to help him understand what needed to happen.

Dr. Qalla and Cas helped Dean onto his back and then Dr. Qalla put on a sterile glove and asked Dean to let his knees drop as wide as he could get them. He laughed at having to check Dean with his left hand because of his position in the car and as gently as he could he located Dean’s cervix and assessed how dilated it was. “Well I have good news, Dean. You are dilated to seven centimeters, so we are going to be able to get you to the clinic to deliver!”

Everyone cheered at the announcement but Dean, who began to cry in earnest. “All this time and pain and I’m only dilated to seven!” Cas tried to comfort Dean but he heard the others laugh at his statement and he realized how ridiculous he sounded but then another contraction hit and he was lost in the pain again. When it was done, he heard Bobby explain that they had gotten a call from one of the plow drivers, who came and picked up Bobby and Dr. Qalla then headed out on the highway to find the stranded cars. They had crowded into the cab of the plow with the driver and three other crew members who were currently digging out all the cars. Once they finished, and with the plow carefully turned around, the caravan of cars followed the snowplow into Mankato. Sam followed the plow all the way to the birthing center. Dr. Qalla and Cas knelt on the floor in the back and helped Dean all the way there. When Dean saw the lights of the center, he cried again, relieved that they had made it. He clung to Cas, who held him, and kissed him and spoke softly to him.  Dr. Qalla patted him on the back, and said, “You made it, Dean. Now let’s get you inside so you can have your baby.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How am I doing? Your opinion matters to me...Let's play the name game and see who wins. Whoever guesses the correct name of the baby gets a guest starring role as a nurse...


	24. Hello Sweet Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean gives birth with Cas and Sam at his side, they share a special milestone with their newborn and we learn the baby's name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so long and wordy here! I love a birth scene! if you don't like real details, you may want to skip to the end.  
> No one guessed the correct first name so no guest starring readers as nurses but some interesting guesses.  
> I hope you enjoy! At one point I sort of fall into writing Dean's thoughts, but not so sure it's proper writing... just go with it!

Dean insisted on walking from the car to the door of the birthing center, ignoring Cas’ objections. The first thing he did when he got out of the car, despite the cold and blowing snow, was stretch his arms over his head and stand on his toes. Then with Cas on one side and Sam on the other, each with an arm under his elbows, they walked into the warmth of the center.

An army of health care workers swarmed them like bees and ushered Dean out of Cas’ reach. Dr. Qalla assured Cas that he would go with Dean and asked that Cas give them just a few minutes to evaluate Dean and the baby’s status. He swore he would come get Cas if anything looked like Dean might deliver or if something was not okay. Sam hugged Cas. Cas felt the silent apology and the offer of comfort in his brother in law’s arms, just before Bobby and Jody encompassed them both. They stood there, hugging until more members of the health care team took Sam and Cas for quick vital checks and once-overs of their own.

When they were all deemed healthy, Cas and Dean were reunited. The nurses said Dean refused to stay lying down. Cas laughed and said he wasn’t surprised given how long Dean had spent curled up on the back seat of the car. When Cas saw his husband, it was through the glass in a triage room, sitting in a padded rocking chair. He was in a gown and had on slipper socks. Dean had an IV in the back of his left hand, a blood pressure cuff on his right bicep, wires from a monitor trailing from under his gown, back up to the machine and he was rocking with his head in his hands, clearly breathing through a contraction.

Cas walked over quickly and knelt in front of Dean who curled his fists into Cas’ flannel and t shirt. Cas wrapped him in a hug and the two of them allowed themselves the moment and wept in each other’s arms. Dean buried his face in Cas’ neck and Cas laid his head on Dean’s, kissing his once sweaty hair, now dry from the warmth of the safe building.

Dean pulled his head up and his wide eyes told Cas that he was having a contraction. “Okay, Dean, I’m here, breathe…breathe, Love. That’s it…” Cas soothed Dean through the building pain and when it was over, Dean sniffed and Cas handed him a tissue from a nearby table.

“You did it, Cas. You s-said…you would get me here…a-and you did,” Dean cried a little between words. “Thank you, Babe…th-thank you.”

Cas grabbed more tissues and wiped both their noses and eyes. “I’m sorry you had to be out there at all. I’m so sorry, Dean. As if you weren’t worried about everything to do with giving birth to begin with and now I’ve made it a traumatic event. I should have kept you at home and called 911-“

“Now that was my decision, you two love puppies!” Sam said as he walked in the room. He had some cream on his face on one of his cheek bones. “Don’t either of you blame yourselves. It was my job to be objective, of course you both wanted to get here.  I should have done a little more digging before I started to drive.”

“Well, what’s done is done, let’s have a baby,” Jody said as she and Bobby joined the group. She kissed and hugged Dean and Cas as Dean said, “Jody’s right. We’re here now and let’s not forget I’m not even completely dilated yet.” As if on cue, another contraction came and Dean grabbed Cas and Jody’s hands for support.

Dr. Qalla came in and read the strip that was coming out of the machine next to Dean’s chair. He explained that Dean was fine other than being a little dehydrated, hence the IV fluids. He smiled and told them the baby was strong and doing well. He pressed a button on the machine and a loud rhythmic noise began pumping out of the machine. “See, heart sounds great. We are working on transferring you to a birthing room, Dean. We’ll get you really comfortable and you should progress quickly now. Your body can sometimes go into preservation mode, but now that you feel safer and can let yourself relax, your body won’t fight the contractions. You look far more at ease now than you did in the car.”

Dean and Cas were only half listening to what the doctor said, they were both focused on the monitor and the sound of their baby’s heart beating away. He laughed and the others laughed with him. “We’ll be back shortly to move them.”

*****

It was approaching five am and they had been settled in their room for almost an hour. It had been an hour of constant contractions for Dean, long, painful contractions that held him in the throes of agony. He walked for some of them, leaned against the wall on his forearms, sat in the rocking chair, and knelt on a folded blanket with his head in Cas’ lap. Cas did his best to help Dean through each and every one, until Dean was once again a sweaty, shaky mess and Cas and Sam helped him into bed. Cas held him as he lay on his side in the bed. He had one arm under Dean’s head and he leaned over him and rubbed his back or stroked his head with the other. Dean held on to Cas with one hand and gripped under his belly with the other. Sam paced, unable to bear watching Dean in pain.

Dean was long past crying out, having hit the next level of pain, but he began to tell Cas he didn’t feel good. He started whispering, wide eyed and desperate, “Sick, Cas…sick…” Cas realized a moment too late and Dean vomited. He went right into a contraction as Sam left the room to get the nurse. Cas grabbed the sheet and wiped Dean’s mouth, “It’s alright Dean, it’s okay, Love. Let me get the mess out of the way.” He was torn with what was best to do, comfort his husband or ball up the vomit covered sheet to get it away from Dean. In the end he decided no one could be comforted in a puddle of vomit and he did his best to move quickly.

Dean hummed through the contraction, calling out for Cas when he stepped away, “Cas, ooohhh, noooo…” Cas washed his hands quickly and went back to Dean’s side as Sam arrived with the nurse.

She made quick work of cleaning Dean up, talking calmly to him and to Cas, “Dean you are probably transitioning, that means the contractions will come quick and hard for a bit but then you should be ready to push. Hang in there, you are doing a fabulous job. I’m gonna let Dr. Qalla know what’s going on. Can I get you anything?”

She stepped away to let Cas back at his side but kept eye contact. Dean answered, “My mouth is dry…”

Cas grabbed the cup of ice water off the table by the bed and offered Dean the straw. He sipped in a mouthful of water and swallowed it.

“I’m going to get you some ginger ale to help settle your stomach.” She handed Cas a bag with a mask in case Dean got sick again. He did, for several contractions. Cas would wash his face and give him sips of ice cold ginger ale. Dean did his best to stay in control, but Cas could tell the labor was beginning to wear on him and he became somewhat confused and upset, “I don’t feel w-well…let’s go home…please, babe…”

“Oh Dean, oh Sweetheart…Look at me, look at me, Dean…” He waited for Dean to find his face and focus. “Lovebug, we are at the birthing center and we can’t go home because you are having the baby, remember?” He watched as Dean came into focus and realized what was going on. He nodded and then smiled and reached for his belly, then his face changed to a look of sadness. “What, Dean, what’s the matter?”

Dean almost whispered, “We made it…I was scared, but you said you would help me and you did.”

“Yes, Dean, we made it, Love. Now we need to finish and have the baby, it’s almost time.” Dean began to take in huge gulps of air as the next contraction built to a peak. Cas watched as Dean slid back into his quiet place realizing that Dean was almost hypnotizing himself to get through the contractions.

Dr. Qalla came in and spoke with Cas, asking how Dean was doing. Cas explained he was worried about how Dean slipped away during the contractions and didn’t seem at all like himself, but Dr. Qalla told him it was an excellent coping mechanism and was probably allowing Dean to relax and his cervix to fully open.

“Dean, it’s Dr. Qalla. You just keep breathing through the contractions, you are in excellent control and you’re very relaxed. Good job, Dean.” Dean looked up momentarily making eye contact but stayed tucked into Cas’ shoulder and neck. “Now Dean, when this one ends, I am going to make a quick exam to assess the status of your cervix.” Dean shook his head at that. “I know it’s uncomfortable, but I need to see how you’re doing on the inside.” Dean gave him the stink eye when he said it was uncomfortable. Dr. Qalla looked at Cas, “Still worried he’s not in there?” Cas smiled and kissed Dean on the forehead, “That’s my brave hunter. I love you, Dean.”

As the contraction ended, Dr. Qalla raised Dean’s right knee and had Cas hold it open wide. He took a sterile glove from the nurse with a little gel on two fingers and pressed into Dean’s opening. “Two fingers and a lot of pressure, Dean.”

Dean winced and tensed his legs, but Dr. Qalla and Cas shushed him and encouraged him to relax so that an assessment of his cervix could be taken. “That’s it, Dean try to relax, almost there.” He gently removed his hand and as he removed the glove, he told them, “You are almost there, Dean. Another couple of contractions and you will be ready to push. Your cervix actually opened a bit against the pressure of my fingers and you bag of waters is right there. It is probably going to break open soon.”

“See, Dean,” Cas pulled Dean a little closer and kissed him gently. “I told you soon. Good job sweetheart.”

“I’m going to stay for a few contractions, because I think Dean is close enough to pushing. I don’t have anyone in active labor but Dean,” Dr. Qalla said, patting Dean on the hip. “Let’s see if we can have a baby soon. I wouldn’t be surprised if Dean has the urge to push in the next few contractions, the way that cervix opened during the exam.”

*****

Dean heard Dr. Qalla say he wanted to examine him and dreaded it. He couldn’t help but shake his head as he breathed through the latest contraction. No way could he handle it right now. Then Dr. Qalla said he knew it was uncomfortable…yeah right. But then he and Cas double teamed him with those eyes and the next thing he knew he was being examined and told it was almost time to push. All he could think was: Thank Christ!

The pain was so overwhelming he had to zone out and kind of float through the pain. Sometimes it didn’t work if he didn’t get ahead of the pain with his breathing. He counted on Cas to keep him on top of it. He was so glad when Dr. Qalla told him about how close he was and that his water might break. He was ready to be done.

Despite his ability to get himself into his quiet place, Dean was overwhelmed by the pain. He couldn’t help humming and moaning as the pains kept coming closer and harder. Cas was close and never left his side, he could feel his warm arm under his neck cradling his head and the swipes of the cool washcloth on his face and head. Cas was there with whispered words of encouragement over the next hour, never taking a break, rubbing his belly or his back and asking Sam to hand him the ginger ale when Dean was thirsty. “You’re doing so well, Dean, I’m so proud of you. You’re perfect…so relaxed and letting the contractions work,” Cas’ soothing voice washed over Dean and he let them seep in and fill all the holes the pain left in him.

Dean began to feel a difference in the pains…an urgency…a lack of control of his body. It began to bear down without his permission and he realized he had the urge to push with it. He groaned and bore down with the pain. “What is it, Dean?” Cas asked as Dean groaned.

“Push…I need to push.”

“Good, Dean. I’m just going to check one more time before we start doing that, hang in there and blow until I make sure your ready for pushing,” Dr. Qalla said quietly, as if he didn’t want to disturb Dean or something. Dean didn’t quite get that because he knew he was moaning pretty loud with every contraction. What he didn’t realize was that he was actually only humming soft sounds and the room was filled with soft light and quiet music, classic rock reworked into classical pieces that Sam had bought them for labor. Despite the snowstorm and the rush when they arrived and the minor medical interventions they had hoped to avoid, Dean’s labor and delivery was going to end the way he and Cas had planned it, calm and quiet with Sam there to help.

Dean called out to Cas when Dr. Qalla checked his cervix, he hadn’t objected, actually wanting to be checked so he could push when the pain came. “Babe…fuck-owwww…”

“I’m here, Dean,” Cas kissed his forehead. “Right here, lovebug. Blow, Dean…don’t push yet…blow…” and he began to puff along with Dean to keep the rhythm and stop Dean from bearing down while the doctor examined him.

“Just a little more, Dean. You’re going to blow through the next few, then I’ll check again, understand,” Dr. Qalla said as he sat back. He kept his glove on and away from his body and stayed sitting on the opposite side of the bed as Cas. When Dean looked at him he explained again. “You’re very close Dean. Blow through the next few contractions and I will check again…I’m not going to leave, not when you are so close.”

The contraction and the urge to push hit him like a truck. The pains before had built and peaked, this one was right at the top when it started. His body pushed before he even realized it was happening. Cas and the doctor spoke at the same time, “Blow, Dean…don’t push…blow.” Cas was in his face and blowing with him but his body was taking over. “Aaaghhhh, can’t,” he said as he gave into the desire to push, the relief was instant, and short lived as the two men got right in his face. The doctor said something that did not register with Dean, but Cas spoke up loudly, “Blow baby, blow…stop pushing. Blow…” and then he blew right in Dean’s face ruining his perfectly good push. Dean startled and did what Cas asked him to, but not without tears. He blew and cried until the contraction passed. “Good job, Dean. I’m sorry… no pushing yet…almost Love…almost.”

The next pain was the same, hard and fast and Cas in his face blowing, so Dean blew but between breaths, begged to push and be checked, he didn’t even give a shit that he, Dean Winchester, was groveling. He would do anything to push at this point. “I’m ready, I swear, check me…please…let me push…I neeee-I’m pushing…I can’t help it…” A few more of the same passed and fucking finally Dr. Qalla agreed to check him. Dean eyed him as he asked for more gel and told Dean what he was doing, “You know the drill, my grumpy friend… two fingers-“ “I know, I know…lots of pressure…let’s just get this fucking show on the road, Doc.”

Cas and the doctor smiled at each other, while Dean breathed through the exam, glad to be entertaining everyone. Dr. Qalla piped in, “At least we know he can come up with the energy to push, right, Cas. He can grump at me all he wants, but he’s ready to push now.”

“Ohhhh thank fucking Christ!” Dean said as the others chuckled. Dean was on his side and asked if he should move, but Dr. Qalla suggested they stay in the same position for the first few to see what kind of pushing Dean could accomplish. Dr. Qalla told Dean to let him know when the next pain came, so he did. “Here comes,” Dean said as he began to breathe.

“Take a deep breath, Dean and push down here where my fingers are, like you have to go to the bathroom,” Dr. Qalla instructed. “What?” Dean asked but still did it. He explained, “It’s not romantic like the movies, Dean it’s the same process as having a bowel movement, just bear down and we’ll make some progress.” Dean kept pushing until he needed a breath. “Good, Dean. Now deep breath and right back at it,” Dr. Qalla told him. He heard Dr. Qalla tell Cas that he should coach Dean to do three pushes to the count of ten for every contraction. Cas said he remembered from class. He stopped pushing and panted for breath.

When the next contraction started, Dean smiled at Cas and did exactly what he told him despite the pain of the contraction. Their baby was coming any second and he wanted to be in control and enjoy the moment. He was sadly mistaken.

The first hour of pushing passed with what Dean thought was little or no “progress” as all the people in the room kept talking about it. Apparently they thought differently because they kept praising him and encouraging him. Cas smiled after each push, but he looked as tired as Dean felt. Dean dutifully grabbed his own legs and pulled back as Cas supported his back and neck. Dean curled in on himself for each pain and pushed to three counts of ten.

Finally as the second hour began and on one extremely hard push, Dean felt a gush of fluid and Dr. Qalla announced, “Waters broken, 6:47 am, clear healthy fluid. Excellent pushing Dean, keep it up.”

After the water broke, things intensified. They kept telling him he was getting close. He stopped believing that a while ago. Dean required constant coaching or he just went off on his own moaning though the pain. Cas and Sam now had an elbow hooked behind each knee and pulled back for him when he pushed. Yes, Sam was seeing Dean in all his baby having glory and Dean was so past caring. He felt out of control and looked to Cas, who looked exasperated himself but still was Dean’s rock of support. He could hear Sam coaching Cas to keep coaching him, apparently Dean had decided to stop responding to anyone but Cas. He was so tired, he just needed Cas. “Baaaaaabe, ‘m spent…can’t…”

Cas got down to Dean’s level and kissed him soundly on the mouth, chastely, but soundly for sure. “Baby..” and since when did Cas ever call him baby…things must have gotten bad. “Baby…you can! You can do this…you have to. You are so close to crowning. Rest for a minute, here have some ginger ale… it’s fresh and icy like you like it.” It was fresh and icy, Cas got him fresh and icy ginger ale, Cas loved him. Dean began to cry, “Thank you, Cas, thank you…” He looked up, now everyone but the doctor was crying. Another pain…oh shit...

Arm behind back, elbows hooked knees and Dean hung on to two shoulders as he leaned forward and pushed. It didn’t last long, Cas encouraged again, as did Dr. Qalla, saying. “Let’s go, Dean. It’s time to meet this baby.” He said something else to Cas but Dean was moaning.

“Come on Dean, look at me. It’s time, sweetheart. You can do it. Breathe for me until the next one and then let’s see our baby, okay?” Cas said between wiping Dean’s face and peppering it with kisses. Dean was shaky and sweaty and done.  “No more,” he whimpered as the next one hit. Cas and Sam pulled him back into position and Sam said, “Come on, Dean this is it man, you gotta do this now.”

Cas was right in his ear, “Deep breath Dean, and push 2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10, Deep breath Dean and bear down…hard, come on Dean…get behind it…that’s it.” He could hear the doctor telling the nurse to get ready, then he said, “Last few are the hardest, Dean, I need to find your next gear, buddy.”

He panted and gasped for breath but Cas was there and demanding that he push and suddenly Dean was mad and pushing to shut everybody up so he could just rest. “That’s it, Dean. Get a little angry if it helps,” Cas said as he voice began to climb in pitch. Dean sucked in another breath and then everything burned and he stopped. “Burns… it burns…”

“You are crowning, Dean,” Dr. Qalla said, “it’s supposed to burn a little,  just try to push through it.”

He rested in Cas’ arms till the next urge came and then Cas got in his face and asked, “Is it a boy or a girl, Dean?” Suddenly Dean was pushing like his life depended on it. He had momentarily lost track of his purpose, but now he was remembering and giving it his all. The burning came and he tried to stop but Cas and Sam coaxed him to keep going and with one monumental effort and a panicked shout of “Castiel” he felt relief!

“Good Job Dean, now blow. The head is out, blow, blow, blow, that’s it,” Dr. Qalla directed Dean as the nurses all started to ready themselves.

Dean looked up at Cas as he panted and Cas was smiling and watery eyed, “Good job, sweetheart, almost done. Blow, Love, blow.” He blew until doc said to give a little push and then someone was taking his gown off and he was only covered by the surgical sheets below the waist. His belly was still big and he was still hurting and pushing, but he heard, “Shoulders now, Dean, small pushes..gently, now…one more…Look down here Dean, Cas, look..here comes your baby…”

Dean felt first, a warm wet baby on his belly, Cas’ shaky hands coming in to help hold, a soft pillow shoved behind his upper back, something solid under his legs, holding them up. Then the most awesome sound he had ever heard broke through the cacophony of the room, a cry…a loud, soul piercing, irritated cry. He knew in that moment it was their baby and he memorized that cry unequivocally. Then other sounds joined in, Cas crying and telling Dean he did it, Sam saying ‘holy shit’ several times, a nurse calling out something called APGAR scores of 8 and 10, Dr. Qalla’s voice announcing the time of birth as 7:52 am Sunday, February 26th.

Everything seemed to come into focus for Dean, a nurse wiped the baby down quickly and swiped Dean’s belly so it was a little drier. He looked up at Cas, who kissed him at least ten times through tears and snot and then Sam reached in with a washcloth and wiped both their faces. Dean clutched the warm wiggly baby in his arms and then realized what he held. He was holding their baby. He held on with one arm and looked down, moving the blanket to see their tiny, angry baby. “Hello sweet thing…hello. It’s Daddy, I’m here, don’t cry…and look here is your Poppa”, he said softly pulling Cas closer than he already was. They watched as the baby responded to Dean’s voice and stopped wailing to an occasional cry and loud squeak or two.

Sam’s voice had stopped saying holy shit and was asking the doctor if it was a boy or a girl. “You’ll have to ask them, it’s not my story to tell,” he answered motioning towards Cas and Dean as he continued to care for Dean with the nurses. “Well, Dean? What did you have?” the doctor prompted.

Carefully Dean and Cas adjusted the blanket and Dean looked at Cas, saying softly, “It’s a boy, Cas! A boy!” Cas nodded and added, “I think he takes after you, Dean!” The doctor laughed out loud and told Cas that baby boys held extra fluid that dissipated after a few days. Dean was too enthralled to see Sam’s red face or hear Cas try to backtrack out of his comment.

Dean delivered the placenta with no issues but a little more pain, before they cleaned him up in a preliminary fashion. He was still lying with the baby on his belly and Cas was laying next to him in the bed. They were going to let the baby make his way to Dean’s breast like they had seen in class, but were getting worried when he didn’t move much. They began to talk to him more and kept their hands under the blanket on his skin. He began to slowly make his way up Dean’s chest to line his mouth up with Dean’s nipple. It took almost forty minutes, but he gained momentum with each minute and latched on with a vigor neither of them expected. They couldn’t help but cheer for their little guy when he made it, and Sam sat in a chair snapping pictures, mesmerized by the whole thing.

“You did it…He did it, Cas,” Dean whispered.

Cas whispered back, “You did it Love, you did it. I love you Dean Winchester, I love you.”

“I love you too, babe..and so does Harrison Samuel Winchester…we love you Poppa!” Dean said as Cas leaned in to kiss them both.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Named for their mutual crush of course. I dropped hints about their first real date being Star Wars and their last couple date before the baby as well. 
> 
> Well, I hope it was worth the wait for you! Fluff in the next couple of chapters as I wrap it up! Maybe I'll make it a verse and do some time stamps...


	25. Getting to Know Each Other

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the aftermath of the delivery, Dean and Cas get to know their new baby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorter chapter, but Dean is tired, and so am I!

If you looked up the definition of protective in the dictionary, there would be a picture of Dean and Cas holding baby Harrison. They never let him out of their sight unless Sam was holding him in his arms and swore not to put him down. That made the few hours after Dean gave birth interesting to say the least.

After watching Harrison nurse for almost an hour, the nursing staff insisted on completing the newborn evaluation and health care. Dean and Cas allowed the baby to be evaluated and have the state mandated medications, but they insisted that it all be done in their room and that the baby not be bathed and remain undressed for more skin to skin contact. Their nurses smiled and giggled at the possessive way the two men had already taken to parenting their baby boy.

Following the painful six minute separation, they learned that baby Harrison was 21 inches long and weighed 8 pounds 12 ounces. Dean needed to hold him for a minute to feel better about the shots and then it was Cas’ turn to bond with Harrison. He sat on the bed with the baby on his chest and the little family continued to get to know each other. Cas was a natural with the baby despite his worry of dropping or hurting him with his lack of practice. Sam snapped pictures like crazy and Dean and Cas just looked him over, marveling at all his fingers and toes.

“He has little fingernails, Cas. Do you see those? They are so tiny and perfect,” Dean commented.

Cas snuggled the baby as he brushed his hand over the dark hair matted to his little misshapen head. “His head will change shape, won’t it Dean?”

Dean wasn’t sure but Cas seemed worried so he answered, “I assume it will, he’s a little cone head right now.” Their nurse Trudy jumped into the conversation, “He just struggled a bit to get through the birth canal, he’ll be round headed by the morning.”

Dr. Qalla came by to check on Dean and insisted that he eat some breakfast and then get some sleep. “You did very well, Dean. Everything looks great: baby’s nursing well, blood pressure is good and minimal bleeding, but you must be exhausted. I’m having a late breakfast brought for you and for Cas and then I want you to sleep. When you wake up we will get you cleaned up good and get Harrrison a bath as well. Any questions for me?"

Dean shook his head and said "Nope, things are good for now." Dr. Qalla gave him a pat on the shoulder and left. Dean was getting a cramp every once in a while and he winced as one came on. “You okay, Dean?” Cas asked, concern knitting his brow together.

“Yep, just a cramp or whatever. I will say I'm starving. What time is it babe?” He said through his grimace. He rubbed his belly till it passed. Cas nuzzled into Dean’s hair and kissed him.

Sam offered, “It’s almost nine, Dean you have got to be beat. After you eat, I’ll keep an eye on him while you and Cas catch a nap, alright?”

“Don’t be offended, but I’m gonna want him right between me and Cas for a while. You can just watch him from there, it would help me sleep if I knew you kept an eye on the three of us.”

“You got it Dean, whatever you want,” Sam chuckled.

“What?” he asked his brother when he laughed.

“Nothing, dude, just don’t know why I am so surprised about your protective nature. It’s kinda nice,” Sam said with his puppy dog eyes reigned in on Cas holding the baby.

“Come on Sam, don’t go all chick flick on me.”

“Dean, I just spent the last two hours holding your hairy leg while you gave birth, and me commenting that it’s nice to see you doing such a good job is what bothers you?” Sam said incredulously.

“Jesus, when you say it like that…” Dean shot back just as the food trays arrived.

Sam insisted that he hold the baby so Cas could eat with Dean.  Cas handed Harrison to Uncle Sam and set up both trays. They were loaded with French toast and sausage, fresh fruit, eggs, juice, coffee and huge cinnamon rolls. Dean was glad to take advantage of the terrific food the center had to offer. His first stay was during his morning sickness and he hardly enjoyed anything he ate.

Dean wolfed down his food faster than he should have and the nurse even ordered him a turkey sandwich. He could not believe how hungry he was, but Cas reminded him of how long he had been in labor and the last time he had eaten, “It’s to be expected, Dean. You worked so hard to have Harrison.” Cas brushed Dean's cheek with his thumb, affectionately.

Sam called Bobby and Jody for a quick visit. Dean allowed them to say hello but he was not ready to pass the baby around in a giant germ fest yet. They promised to let them hold him later at home, if they washed their hands. Bobby and Jody completely understood and said that they would be fine with going to the bunker to prepare for the baby’s coming home. Sam offered to go as well but Dean thought it would be better if Cas didn’t drive in case they didn’t get enough sleep. So Sam agreed to stay with the couple until they went home.

Dean seemed to have more energy after eating and asked if he could shower before napping. The nurse thought he would rest better if he showered first and said it would be fine, she also added that after his shower, she would bring in a tub to bathe Harrison as well. Then everyone could sleep in clean clothes on clean bedding and get some real rest.

The shower was a little harder than Dean anticipated and by the end, Cas was in the open shower with him. There were a few tears and a lot of bodily fluids going down the drain, but the hot water felt fantastic and washing off the sweat and grime of laboring in the impala and the birth was priceless as far as Dean was concerned. Cas was as supportive as Dean thought he would be and in ways he never thought he would need. Dean was settled in bed, a little trembly, under hot blankets from a blanket warmer while Cas got dressed. Then they watched the nurse bathe their newborn son and put him in his first diaper as he protested with a wail of a cry. She even let Cas help as much as he wanted. Sam used Dean’s phone to capture it all in video snippets and pictures. Dean may have needed a few tissues and kisses from Cas, before it was all over.

Trudy encouraged Dean to nurse the baby before sleeping just to help establish a milk supply for when he really started to get hungry. She stood back as Dean and Cas positioned the swaddled baby correctly and Dean nursed him for the first time since he had completed the breast crawl. Sam snapped pics of the beautiful and very emotional moment. Dean looked from Cas to the baby at his breast, “Cas I can’t imagine not having him now It seems like we’ve had him forever. I can’t believe I even questioned having him as part of our lives.” Cas kissed him sweetly and reassured him, “We were both a little scared Dean, But he’s here now and we’re a family. You did it Dean, you really did it. I can’t tell you how proud I am, I really can’t find the words, Love.”

Eventually the little family was cocooned in the warm comfortable bed, all worries and thoughts of scary times gone for the moment, asleep under the watchful eye of Uncle Sam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good ole Uncle Sam!


	26. Home Sweet Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas bring their baby home and come to an important conclusion about their new life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it folks, the end of this Unintentional Journey. I plan on a few time stamps as time goes by. Hope you enjoyed the ride! USe your imagination a bit with the photos I included, which I totally stole from an internet google search...

 

 

                                                                                                                                             

Dean was discharged on Monday morning, a little more than 24 hours after giving birth to Harrison Samuel Winchester. It had been a long night of little sleep, lots of nursing, and good teamwork. He and Cas did everything for Harrison, much to the entertainment of the nurses. The black tarry poo that came out of Harrison had caused quite a ruckus at two in the morning, but they were endearingly determined to care for the baby on their own. They went through wipes like singles in a strip club, of course Dean quickly pointed out that those days were long gone once he realized he had said it out loud. Thank God Cas could no longer smite with just a look. When they were up with the baby Sam slept on a cot. When they could get the baby to sleep, they tried to sleep and Sam was on watch. It was safe to say they were all ready for their own beds.

Dean’s body hurt in every cell, but he was never happier for it. Cas rubbed his sore muscles and got him hot packs for his lower back. He finally took Ibuprofin, 800 miligrams, so he could relax. He was never one for meds, but preferred a shot of whiskey. It was amazing what he would compromise and change for the beautiful baby in his arms. Dr. Qalla had cleared him for discharge after a very tender exam of all his sore and open parts. He would bleed and need to wear a pad for at least another week, but he was healthy. It was strange getting dressed and accommodating his aching body and the necessary gear he had to wear, gear was a good name for it.

Harrison was dressed in his little tan, brown and blue doggie outfit and wrapped in his green swaddler. A pediatrician had come by to give him a physical and he passed with flying colors. He weighed a pound less than at birth, which was normal, but he would gain that back and more when Dean’s milk was fully in and he nursed more regularly. Sam took pictures of them throughout the day as they were getting ready and finally it was time to load up and head home. Sam took one final picture and despite how tired they were and how sore Dean was, it was beautiful shot of Dean holding Harrison and Cas with his arms around them. They both had smiles that came directly from their full hearts.

Dean wasn’t going to lie he was a little wary of climbing back into the backseat of the Impala with the baby securely strapped into his car seat. Cas sitting next to him helped a lot and Sam promised clear roads and a quick trip. Thankfully, Harrison slept all the way home. Dean even nodded off on Cas’ shoulder for a twenty minute cat nap. He thought he might just get over the bad experience after all.

Bobby and Jody had decked out the bunker with welcome home signs and had made sure the nursery was ready. They had changed the sheets on Dean and Cas’ bed and had lunch cooking on the stove ready for whenever Dean wanted to eat. Cas had ordered flowers for Dean on his phone during the night and had them delivered to the bunker. It was an arrangement of carnations formed into a puppy sitting in a square pot. There were other blue flowers as well, and it matched his going home outfit perfectly.

Sam pulled up outside the bunker, it would be shorter to walk down the main staircase than to walk all the way from the garage and Dean would need the shortest route possible. Cas helped him out of the car and then started to pull the car seat off it’s base. Dean stopped him and said he wanted to carry the baby in his arms when they came home, so Cas unstrapped him and wrapped Harrison in his blanket. He placed him in Dean’s arms and kissed his sentimental husband before helping him down the bunker steps to the front door.

Jody and Bobby greeted them at the door and Dean was better about letting them see him close up. He was still a little growly, but Jody understood as only a birth parent could. Cas helped Dean down the steps one at a time, each one a little more painful. Dean rested a few times and was glad to get to the bottom. Cas helped him get his coat off and Dean needed to use the bathroom and change his pad after the ride, so Cas took Harrison and kept one arm around Dean all the way to the bathroom. After cleaning up, Dean wanted to sit in the nursery for a while. He saw the flowers from Cas and lost it for a minute. Cas shed a few tears as well and helped Dean settle in the rocker. Harrison squawked and grunted as Cas unwrapped him from his blanket and swaddled him back up for Dean. Jody brought Dean a drink and he rocked his son in his new nursery.

Cas knelt beside Dean as he rocked and they looked at the sweet baby they had brought into the world. He had Dean’s coloring, and nose, but Cas’ dark hair and lashes. Hi little mouth was shaped into a perfect bow, already forming a nursing callous on his top lip. “It’s funny, Cas…we never intended to be here, but I wouldn’t change a thing…you know?”

Cas’ eyes softened and he looked at Dean with such warmth it almost made Dean blush. “Sometimes Dean, the unintentional journeys are the ones we enjoy the most.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if there is anything you had your heart set on seeing that I missed. I will take those suggestions into consideration for time stamps. Thank you to all of your wonderful comments and support throughout the ride!

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback welcome and encouraged...


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